Archive for the ‘Free Flying Faith’ Category
Faith and all the wonder and terror of it. Not so much anchored…more tied to a kite or a wild and friendly dolphin.
Life is a freakin miracle
Posted by Nicole on October 10, 2015
(this post has sound. scroll down to pause it if you want)
We are toddlers in our eternal lives. We’re just getting started.
Sure, it’s hard. We fall and cry and throw things. We want our way, right away.
But, it’s also hilarious and wondrous: This discovering as we learn. This loving and being loved.
Good God. It’s all a miracle. A difficult, scary miracle.
Breathe and listen as I read to you one of my favorite creation stories ever. It is an adaptation of the Jesus Storybook Bible – a Genesis One Reading. Let’s fall in love again.
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Life is a freakin miracle
Read more of the Body full of Soul Series.
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Free Flying Faith, Write 31 Days | 1 Comment »
When Little Girls Preach
Posted by Nicole on September 4, 2014
Hey Friend!
What do you do when your dreams come true?
What do you do when your dreams are controversial?
(This post is all about me, but I hope it is somehow all about you too.)
Ten years ago, I said I would speak from my heart on stage about God and life and love. My dream was to preach. It was something that sparked in me and would not let go. This summer I did just that.
You could say that I lived my dream years ago at my first speaking “engagement” or the first class I ever taught. There have been people who noticed and believed in me for years that gave me chances to learn and grow.
My dream of speaking words shaped like keys that unlock cages for the people who listen, has been coming true for years.
But this summer, there was a moment that checked all the dream criteria boxes and felt like a graduation to a new place.
This tiny girl preached in the main church service. It was no big deal to the millions and billions of people who went about their days ignorant of the fact that Life was blowing my mind… but for me, this was a huge deal.
See, I believe in a world where each voice matters. I believe in a world where men can learn from women and women learn from men (and men learn from men and women learn from women too – to be fair) regardless of race, height, income, or education. I believe in a multifaceted God who needs to be described from different angles by people gifted with a talent and the determination to speak in the open. But not everyone believes this.
I believe in a multifaceted God
who needs to be described from different angles
by people gifted with a talent and the determination
to speak in the open.
So, I quietly paid attention for years and discovered that I have a deep love of God and of teaching and of speaking out loud about Him. I paid attention to the ways people responded when they didn’t worry what the rules were about who was allowed to learn from whom or what other people thought. I paid attention to where the love and deep learning took me… then, I took a position as a full-time pastor…
and for now, it all led me here
To where this tiny, female human, with nothing and everything to gain by preaching about Jesus, began preaching about Jesus; not just to women but to men too.
See, I know there are verses in the Bible that say I “shouldn’t” talk in church or teach men about God. I get it. I see those words too. I also know that the Bible is a HARD book and one that requires pausing and breathing and studying before we take it at face value. The words in it are tricky. They are also life. Life is tricky. We are in this together.
Men, you deserve to know ALL of God that you can…
Women, you deserve to know ALL of God that you can…
When little girls preach, a new thing happens. I cannot teach you ALL about God, but I sure can surprise you with new facets to Him. .. because, I am Me and I get to see different parts than you do. The more varied voices we hear about God, the more dynamic our understanding of Him.
*****
I started getting really nervous the week before I was to preach, so I reached out to Rachel Held Evans for ideas on how to lovingly explain to people that hearing a woman speak about God is a GOOD thing.
Here’s what she said:
And I am so grateful for this.
Because that week before I spoke, people began to ask me if I was grateful… not just, was I grateful to be speaking or have this job or get to share in front of lots of people. What they meant was, “Aren’t you grateful that you, a female, are being allowed to speak in the main service at a Christian church?”
And my answer was complicated but simple.
YES.
Of course I am. Anyone who teaches or speaks on a stage better be grateful and humbled by the responsibility of that assignment – no matter how much fun it is or how true to their heart’s calling.
I am grateful.
I am grateful because each time someone “unexpected” does well in a calling like this, another chance opens up for someone else just waiting for their dream to come true. It cracks the door open. (How am I unexpected? I am both female and 5′ tall. This makes me an unlikely Pastor.)
I am always grateful for a chance to teach. Always. It’s like being a dancer or a singer (neither of which can I do in this same way). It’s an art and a flowing of spirit through a human that is just intangibly awesome.
I am grateful because I have two daughters. I cannot survive raising them to believe their freedom story and the ways God moves in them are lesser because of their gender. The best way to teach them is to believe it about myself.
I am grateful because I expect this next generation of girls to be one of the biggest blessings to the earth we have ever seen. The GLORY that will come from having both men and women allowed to light the world with God’s loving words and Spirit will be breathtaking.
I am grateful for a chance to step into the arena in my own way and fight for their voices to matter too.
I am grateful just for my own sake. There is nothing like doing the thing you feel is your purpose.
*****
On 1000 Strands, I don’t usually write this autobiographically – or at least, not without the glorious shelter of metaphors, but in the last six months I have stepped out of my old arenas and into some new ones as a pastor and I want to include you in my history. This is not a political story. This is a personal story of one person being called to something and working hard at it… we are tempted to make a personal story into a political one because we can explain those away. Resist.
Any of you who feel called to express the glory of LIFE through your story: speaking, pastoring, art, creativity, writing… DO IT. Come with me. My story is small, but it’s mine and I will make it a skeleton key for you as best I can.
Thanks for listening. I am grateful.
*****
If you are struggling specifically with women as pastors and preachers, please take a look at these references and feel free to talk to me about this. (FYI- I will not tolerate hate or belittling but I love discussing anything that brings freedom and a bigger sense of God).
NT WRIGHT on Unleashing Women in Ministry
RACHEL HELD EVANS on Letting Women Speak
DALLAS WILLARD on Women in Leadership
Posted in Free Flying Faith, Uncategorized | Tagged: church, Dallas Willard, dreams, girl preacher, goals, NT Wright, pastor, preach, Rachel Held Evans, women in leadership | 4 Comments »
Finding Your Voice
Posted by Nicole on June 11, 2014
When I wrote this piece on “finding your roar” for The Story Unfolding, I had no idea what was headed my way. All I knew was that my desires and my rebellious voice were waking up. What about you? Are you finding your voice? Is there something in your gut that is calling for change? Is the voice in your heart demanding to be heard?
The Lion Inside
There is a lion inside me and she is going to get me in trouble. She is loud, and too proud of herself. Her rumbles in my chest make my voice shake. I can’t keep steady. Her large, soft paws land firmly on my heart with a pat, push, pat, push, pat, push, pat, push. I want her to leave so I can keep hiding; people notice lions. I really want her to leave but I think she is pumping my heart.
The lion inside stretches each morning and hunts with restless energy. She stalks in the light making words her food. No fear is in her. There’s still some in me, but there’s none in her. Her lack of fear actually terrifies me. She could do anything, ANYTHING.
As a child, I remember her laying inside my heart. When the dishes flew and the words spun like ninja stars around our yellow house, I could crawl inside my ribcage with her and be safe. Her coarse fur against my skin, a reminder that some feelings are good. Her throat just above my head; a gentle purr soothing me to sleep.
She never roared. Not once. A quiet strength protecting this scared girl until I was full grown. Her fur muffling the screams and shouts of dangers in the night.
But now I am a woman. A full grown woman. And she’s been waiting to {ROAR}. She will not be ignored. She is going to get me in trouble, but her rumbles still shake my chest. My full grown chest, with big lungs and breasts. I am a woman with a roar waiting to rattle the roof.
Words from an old book come to me now, I want to write an old book. Old books always come back.
“A man in the jungle at night may suppose a hyena’s growl to be a lion’s; but when he hears the lion’s growl, he knows damn well it’s a lion.”
– Sheldon Vanauken
When I roar, you will know damn well, it is a lion inside. I will step forward with a pride behind me and I will {ROAR}.
Is there a lion inside you too? It’s time to make some noise. It’s time to get in trouble.
>> What do you feel in your body when you think about letting the lion inside ROAR?
>> What does your ROAR sound like? Do you know yet why or why not
(If you don’t know yet, here are some questions to help you hear your ROAR:
-What makes you angry? -What do you dream of doing? -Who needs protection and why? -What is so close to your heart that when you speak it, you feel vulnerable and shy and immediately want to take it back?
Posted in Free Flying Faith | Tagged: roar, voice, writing | 2 Comments »
Wives Submit to Your Husbands
Posted by Nicole on April 1, 2014
Submission.
It’s a dirty word to some. It’s a holy word to others.
but can I tell you something…?
I have found new life in it. Let me explain.
*****
“Wives, it should be no different with your husbands. Submit to them as you do to the Lord.”
– Ephesians 5
Submit.
^^That word burns^^
It burns because it seems to go against every other thing I know about our freedom. Jesus is supposed to bring a new kind of life: A free life. A life of fullness and joy and grace and love. A life where there are no power struggles because all people are equal and valued. A life where sharing a meal with your enemy or allowing the lowest to have the highest honor, is THE WAY. This is the life I want to live.
“Submit” feels like control and loss of identity.
“Submit” feels like a foot on your neck and a gag in your mouth.
“Submit” feels like a kennel you whimper in while your owners go on vacation.
“Submit” is the exact opposite of freedom.
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Gal 5:1
So, how do I submit and still live the full, free, wild life of joyful rebellion?
The key came to me just a couple weeks ago and it has blown wide open my relationship to God and to my husband.
As a writer, performer, actress, speaker I SUBMIT my work and my art to companies and publications that I admire.
I put my heart and soul into my presentation, proposal, or piece of writing and I SUBMIT it.
I am submitting to that website. I am submitting to that magazine. I am submitting to that church ministry… for a chance to be accepted and then presented in new, expanded, and exciting ways.
When I submit something, I am saying “Here. Here is a piece of me. What do you think? Will you accept it? Will you take this piece and make it grow – make it even better than it could have been if it stayed inside of me or locked in a drawer somewhere?”
Imagine a book you have written. Your blood, sweat, tears, hopes and dreams are all in that book. An author knows, that book is you in a lot of ways – at least a part of you. You send it off as a submission to an agent or a publisher. You say, “This is what I have to offer. I have been brave and I have worked hard. Will you take this and help it become something bigger and better than I ever dreamed it could be?”
This is the kind of submission I can believe in. Do you see it with God?
Submit to the Lord: I work hard. I am brave. I am honest and covered in terrified freedom, but I am presenting myself – all of me – to God. I say to God, “Here. Here is all of me. What do you think? Will you accept it? I am fearful but I will not hide myself anymore. This is what I have to give. Will you take it and help me grow – make me even better than I ever dreamed I could be?”
This is the kind of submission I can live in my marriage.
Wives submit to your husbands: I am submitting myself to my husband – all of me. I am brave and free. I work hard to be the best I can be everyday. Then, with a mixture of confidence and humility, hope and love, I submit myself to him. It is not a groveling. It is an offering. There will always be things I wish were different. Like any artist, I know the limits of my skills, but I am just me. I can only be me.
Submitting means being willing to stop hiding. You can write a book and never show anyone. You can be married and never really show your spouse your whole, true self; or you can put it all out there – all your words and body and skin and dreams.
This is as beautiful as I am.
This is as graceful as I am.
This is as brave as I am.
This is as broken as I am.
This is as scared as I am.
This is as complicated as I am.
Will you accept me and catapult me to a new level of freedom and success as a child of God?
^^^^That is a Godly marriage^^^^
Maybe Submission is Romance
To you I give … ME. I give my best, my worst, my ugly and my beautiful. To you, like sunlight on a tight flower, I open. To you I turn and face and unfurl until there is no fear left, only wide stretched petals of soul and body and spirit and breath. To you I show the center of me – the part where new life is born. To you I say, Here I am.
And you respond by receiving. You take me and instead of using me up, you expand me. I submit myself to you and I bloom because of your love.
God calls us to more. By submitting to God, we are offering to live brave, open, daring lives – where each day we show up and give our everything. By submitting to each other, we are called to more – more freedom, more confidence, more beauty, more strength, more vulnerability, more adventure.
In a loving marriage, we have someone to speak to us and touch us with the love of God, the kind that takes our submission not as a neck to stand on but as a beauty and power to expand.
“Yours is the light by which my spirit’s born: – you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.”
― E.E. Cummings
*****
If you are interested in finding more bravery and freedom in your own life and marriage, take a look at my eCourse, LOVE AND MAKING IT – there is a class starting soon.
Posted in Free Flying Faith, Love and Making It | Tagged: beauty, honor, Love, love and making it, marriage, submission | 12 Comments »
One Word Rebel
Posted by Nicole on March 26, 2014
{{New LOVE and MAKING IT course now open for registration! GET THE SCOOP HERE!}}
*****
v. Rebel
This one’s for the good kids.
The good girls with their modest shirts and shorts under skirts. The good boys with their zipped pants and respectful words.
The ones who bent over backwards to save another. Did their homework. Did all the group projects themselves. Said no to drugs and yes to Jesus. Or mostly no to drugs and mostly yes to Jesus.
This one’s for the kids who missed their chance to have “wild days” of sowing their oats. Who never yelled back at their parents, never came home late, always played by the rules. This one’s for all those good kids who are now adults and the stakes are just too high to go wild, when you have bills and a family and a job you desperately need.
I am one of you. I missed my chance to rebel. My family needed stability and had been through enough turmoil. I decided, deep in my bones, to be a good girl and not make anything harder for anyone else ever ever ever. I would make life easier and better for all the people. I would get good grades, do as I’m told, show up on time, and smile when I was mad. I would save myself for marriage and stay sober while others drank beer and ate live goldfish.
I was a good girl.
Then I had kids.
And my own beautiful children are teaching me to rebel. Quickly, in the first year of motherhood, I used up every ounce of responsibility and goodness I had artificially created. I used up all my stores, all my reserves. Those kids and their wild selfishness drove me straight into the center of my own storm of needs.
And I rebelled, in starts and spurts. I pushed hard into spontaneity. Hard into living in the moment. Hard against eating my vegetables. Hard against doing chores and needing to keep the kitchen clean. Ah, Cleaning: The little pressure-release valve on my growing, filling rebellion tank. Nope. Not doing it.
But, I was rebelling against the wrong things.
I think God is a wild parent. I think He loves our rebellious streaks because we got them from Him. He just wants us to channel that strength and fierceness into a rebellion that looks more like freeing the captives and less like teenagers at a house party.
When I first started dreaming about what my ONE WORD would be this year, I thought it was REBEL Finally, I would stop rebelling against taking care of myself or doing my chores and I would rebel like a girl who believes God is real. Rebel against oppression. Rebel against anyone who claims power over another human being. Rebel against old definitions of beauty. Rebel against rules that shrink men and women. Rebel against false idols. Rebel against hate. Rebel against limits … but then I taught LOVE & MAKING IT and I was given a new word… ANOINTED.
…. this word is not just for me because it is for all of us. Anointed to free the captives and give sight to the blind…
The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me. He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners. God sent me to announce the year of his grace—a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies—and to comfort all who mourn, to care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion, give them bouquet of roses instead of ashes, messages of joy instead of news of doom,
a praising heart instead of a languid spirit…. Isaiah 61
The Spirit of the Lord is on Me, because He has anointed Me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim freedom to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free the oppressed… Luke 4:18
This one’s for the good kids – for the ones still sitting in their cells, quiet and small. The ones who over-eat because it feels like freedom, but it is still slavery. The ones who feel the needs of other people even stronger than their own.
It’s time. The doors are unlocked. It’s your turn. Let’s go.
We are free. Throw off the old rules. Go wild. Rebel. Run fast. Laugh loudly. Hug fiercely. Speak up! Use the full volume of your voice to proclaim FREEDOM. I will yell as loudly as I can. If you hear me, yell out freedom to everyone within earshot too. On and on we will go until we are all free from the powers that try and keep us blind and oppressed.
You are beautiful.
You are rich.
You are strong.
You are brave.
You are free.
But we have been captive for so long that we are walking on wobbly, hesitant legs – still believing the lies of our oppressors that Jesus did not live and there is no resurrection, that the rules of the power-hungry culture are still true – you are poor and ugly and worthless and small.
Are the last really first? Are all people now equal? Are you sure I am beautiful? Are you sure I am free? Can I really want what I want? Am I worth all this?
{{This is why I love helping women make a workshop and a playground of their marriage beds. This is why we are starting a community for ALL women in May.}}
YOU ARE WORTH IT. You are not alone. Let’s work out our salvation together – when the fear and trembling of these wild, wide open spaces is too much for our wobbly legs, we will link arms and keep going. It’s not too late to start rebelling for the right things.
*****
If you are married or nearly married and want a great, wide open place to experience freedom and beauty – check out LOVE and MAKING IT. We have a new class starting April 10th and it is all about rebelling in the BEST possible ways. How do we move from modesty to passionate freedom? How do we speak for ourselves? How do we use our bedrooms as a place of growth and connection rather than obligation or limits? What could sex be like? Are you experiencing it to the fullest? Come check out this class!!!
If you are single or just want a class where every kind of woman is welcome, wait just a few more days… IT’s COMING! 🙂
Posted in Free Flying Faith, Love and Making It | Tagged: beauty, freedom, love and making it, rebel | 1 Comment »
God is here
Posted by Nicole on January 13, 2014
God, when I sit in this room, I can feel both alone and the opposite of alone.
I can be aware of the table and my coffee. I can feel the air moving in and out to my nose. There is a chair beneath me and a black cat walking back and forth around it all.
I can choose to be aware of You, too: The I Am, The Presence. The One who is always here. I can choose to feel you in that air and in my bones.
God, when I sit in this room, I can feel both alone and the opposite of alone.
I can choose to see you as separate from me. In this way, you are here and yet different from the Me I consciously know. You are a loving relationship that requires space between us. I pray and you come. I request and you give.
I can also choose to see you as essentially in me. In this way, you are here as surely as I am here. You are a loving Presence in my cells that requires a connection with my own mind and body. Here, to love myself is to be loved by you. Here, to accept the body I am in, is to accept that this body is Us. Here, to pray for peace is to know that the peace is here waiting to be accepted already in my guts. To ask you to be with me would be like asking myself to go hang out sometime.
You are here. You are more here in and with me and available to me than my own thoughts and emotions and needs. You are the beautiful, quiet option that I don’t always know how to pick.
Jesus, I have no choice but to believe you are here in whichever way I manage to choose. You are present. YWHW – Presence.
Your bible is confusing. Your people are a mess. And yet, impossible as it seems, as real as this table or the lungs in my chest, God, You are here.
Sometimes I think you just want to be noticed. To be witnessed. I recognize the need in me to be noticed and I wonder if this is part of your image in me now – something holy demanding to be noticed in the pain, in the love, in the people, in the dirt.
I see you. In the trees. Bursting sap. Falling pine cones. Strong branches with kids hanging off them.
I see you. In the blue sky. Endless whispers. Wind from the atmosphere’s edges all the way down to my face.
I see you. In the people. Hand-holding. Laughing so hard they can’t open their eyes.
I see you. In me. Skin upon blood, ligaments, muscles and bones. A heart that beats. A body that breathes. Hopes. Loves. Hurts.
I see you in this body you made to fit this soul just right.
God, you are here as surely as I am here.
Sometimes love is just choosing to see.
Run with Joy 1000strands.com
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Free Flying Faith | Tagged: faith, God, hope, jesus, Love, Presence, seen | Leave a Comment »
Never Been Kissed
Posted by Nicole on December 23, 2013
Advent. We wait. We wait for God to come down here and be with us. Just hurry up and be with us.
Yesterday, I felt it, that dull discomfort of waiting for things to be RIGHT – To feel God with me and to feel Him making all things comes together for Good. I wanted it, bad.
This incredible waiting that is called LIFE drives some of us mad. We get short burst of fun, joy, beauty, and meaning and then we wait again. This incredible waiting, like watching intermittent shooting stars when what we really need is dawn.
We wait for heaven and the Light of the World to come. Heaven will not just be for our souls. Heaven involves our bodies too. This is the gift of making love.
God, your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven – not just in our hearts but in our bodies too.
In honor of Advent and Love and Making It coming together this week, today we have the gift of reading a personal essay from a woman who has never been kissed and is beginning to let herself feel the desire and hope of what will come someday. May all our waiting and longing be this vulnerable and brave.
-Nicole
****
I dreamed a few months ago that I had my first kiss.
Yes, I’m 25 and I’ve never been kissed – or even been on an official date. I was a little too “mature” (and obnoxious) in high school to stoop to “chasing boys,” and I was a little too driven in college to take time out for life. Which is strange, really. I’ve always wanted the support of a relationship and the chance to build a life with another person and love them unconditionally. I want the deep friendship of shared experience and ideas and the knowing of each other that comes from that. I want to explore the world of sensuality and romance in a healthy way, which I haven’t always. Other things have just gotten in the way.
It doesn’t take a significant other to experience growth, of course. Sometimes that can even inhibit it. I’ve grown more in these last two years at home dealing with chronic fatigue than I think I have my whole life. I’m learning to make space for myself, and that I have a right to take up room in the world. I’m learning to let go of other peoples’ burdens and pick up my own oxygen mask first in a crisis. I’m learning to lean in, to stand my ground, to experience life ready to fall and fail and make mistakes and then get right back up again.
I think it’s appropriate that my dream took place at some kind of fancy dinner. I’ve discovered a deep love for food and cooking since I’ve been home. I even remember what I was eating in the dream – it was some kind of deconstructed gourmet s’more with a white chocolate mousse and graham cracker crumbles served in a martini glass. Which actually sounds delicious.
It’s also appropriate that in my dream, I spilled some on my shirt. I’m kind of a messy person, a fact I’ve hated my whole life. I bump into things and fall up the stairs. I spill things all the time and have never managed to keep my room clean. I have big curly hair that goes frizzy in the rain. As much as I’ve always wanted to be sleek and svelte, I’m learning that I’m really a flannel pajamas and fuzzy socks kind of girl. And that I’m beautiful, curly hair and all.
So, laughingly, I tried to wipe the spill off my shirt, standing by the table. My date laughed too, kindly. He put water on a napkin and helped me clean up the mess.
We were standing close then, of course, and when I noticed I felt the urge to back away. Not because I was afraid of him, but because I had heard what happens when people stand too close. Because it’s the reflex I’d developed overseas to protect myself and maintain purity and propriety. Because I wouldn’t want to send mixed signals or be rejected or make someone else uncomfortable go too far or do any of the dozen other things I’ve been warned about. There are no guarantees when you let people get too close.
But this time, I stood my ground instead. I chose to take up my own space and let someone else move out of the way, for a change, if this wasn’t what they wanted.
I looked up at him – he was definitely taller than me – and closed my eyes.
He leaned down and we kissed. My heart beat fast.
Then he put his arm around me and walked with me to a quiet corner, a bench where we could sit together and just be.
There was no rejection, only welcome. Only peace. Only the comfort of knowing I was home.
I don’t expect my real first kiss to be quite this revelatory, necessarily. But now, I think I’m finally ready to find out.
Ellie Ava: I’m a storyteller, an explorer, and an avid fan of all things science… especially when it’s fiction. After many years of exploring new cultures and perspectives in Europe, I’m back in the USA taking time to discover the things bubbling up in my own heart and mind. I blog about life at ellieava.tumblr.com.
Posted in Free Flying Faith, Love and Making It | Tagged: advent, Christmas, God, Heaven, jesus, kiss, love and making it, waiting | 5 Comments »