Honest Home

All the glorious, ridiculous humor and hurt of being connected to a family and home.

How to have a soulmate

Lately, it has been very cool to say that your husband is not your soulmate.
My Husband is not my soulmate – like here
My Husband is not my soulmate – or here
And I get it. It feels good to be strong and independent and logical.
“I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings.”
These women are breaking through the myth that there is one, magical person who is your other half and who will make your life complete. This is a lie. No human is going to make your life complete. Any human you know deeply and intimately will make your life crazy, confusing, tiring, hilarious, and worthwhile… but not perfect or even complete. Life is not complete for more than fleeting moments, unless you are dead. If you feel complete for more than about 60 minutes at a time, you are probably dead and should ask someone if they can see you.
But, soulmates are real and not believing in them will rob you of the best a marriage can be. You can have a soulmate.  You can marry your soulmate. It is possible.

Do you want to know how to marry your soulmate?
Mate your soul to the person you marry.
 
Mate your soul to the person you marry and they will be your soulmate.

MATE: Join together; connect mechanically.
Join your soul together with your spouse and your souls become “soulmates.”
The miracle of real soulmates is not that they found each other and complete each other.  The miracle is not the fairytale of twinkly eyes gazing across a crowded room and falling in love.  That’s the easy part. The miracle is two people with initial chemistry and attraction, each deciding to choose […]

See – a Five Minute Friday post

Linking up again with Five Minute Friday at the lovely Lisa-Jo Baker‘s.
The rules: write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking. Hop over to her place to find out the full scoop behind FMF, and to visit other posts that were freely written in just five minutes.
****
This week’s prompt: SEE – a Five Minute Friday Post

You are not invisible.
When you clean Barbie hair out of the sink after her impromptu trip to the kitchen scissor salon.
When you search over an hour for the missing toy, place it proudly on your son’s pillow, and he barely flinches – despite throwing a full-on fit about it that morning.
When you collect all the pink cups for a special-request tea party, that your kids play for exactly 3 minutes before running to another room.
When you clear off the dining room table, again.
When, on January 10th,  you remove and wrap up the Christmas ornaments by yourself.
When you are sick and make your own tea but don’t drink it because you’re needed in the living room to find that one episode of that one show that we love and can’t find, but nothing else will do.
When you clean all afternoon and it looks the same.
When the cat pukes and you Clorox the floor and no one ever knows.

You are not invisible. As long as all of us, working all day long to make the lives of our families just that little bit better, remember and SEE each other,
we are not invisible. 
 
While I do dishes, I remember you are too.
While I clean up cat puke, I remember you are doing gross things too.
While I clean off the table AGAIN, I […]

By |January 10th, 2014|Honest Home|5 Comments|

Celebrate the Great

I just discovered the blog Happy Wives Club. I love Fawn’s positivity and pride in her marriage.  So, this post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! 
****
****
 
Never be ashamed or shy about what you love.

We all know it’s cool to be cynical, to hate things, to be down on things.
We all know there are people suffering all across the world.
We all have people we care about who are struggling and longing.
 
And sometimes we have the things they need.
 
You have a husband who loves you, a lot.
You have kids who light up your life like disco balls.
You have a job that inspires you most days.
You have pretty good health.
 
You have Something Great.
 
And you’re embarrassed.
 
Why are we shy about the good things in life?
Maybe, it’s time we celebrate the great.
Writing this ^^^^ is just painful, honestly. Admitting you are happy is like admitting you are probably a narcissistic, selfish, ignorant child. How could you possibly be happy? And if you are happy, how dare you flaunt it?
  
What does a {happy} person do, because the “pursuit of happiness” is an unalienable right, but the acquisition of happiness is a punishable crime?
 
Listen: You may feel absurd and childlike admitting you have a great marriage, family, job, etc… SO be it. Never be ashamed of the good in your life; this does not make life better for those who are hurting. This is an insult. Appreciate what you have because, the most valuable things, you cannot give away to anyone else. They are yours. Love it all for as long as you […]

Fight – Five Minute Friday

FIGHT
There comes a moment when you realize YOU’RE the one who has been blind. You’re the one living out of old stories about how men and women should act. {OMG I’m the patriarchy.}
Women, we have sat on the sidelines and watched men fight, struggle, sweat, and bleed.  We cheer. We supply water and first aid. We nurture and we caress tired backs with our soft hands.

But it’s time to get in the game ourselves. It’s time to step into the arena and fight.
We will help each other side-by-side.
I don’t know your sport or your call but I know what it looks like when we avoid the invitation to play: We offer to hold the jackets. We sit alone on the sideline and watch others try and fail and fall and laugh and get back up. We walk back home together and our pants have no grass stains.
The men and the children play and the women watch. 
Not all the women do this, but I was doing this.  I knew I was choosing rest over adventure.  I was playing it safe. I was the safe zone for others.  “Mom’s not playing! Mom’s safe!” I cherish being the safe zone, at times.  I’ve loved wearing my cozy sweater and drinking coffee.  But my life is floating by me. I have opted out too many times.  I can feel my muscles growing weak and my desire to be saved growing strong.  I don’t know about you, but I want to feel strong. I want to speak up. I want to run as fast as I can. I want to volunteer for the adventure.
Like all the best things, this epiphany started as a seed in me […]

3 Things to do to Make Holiday Moments Matter

Because, it’s the holidays. Thanksgiving is almost here. Christmas too. And we know who we are…
What I thought would be a short post about the holidays for a link-up with an amazing spiritual leader and director, Tara Owen, has become a mission statement.  I refuse to see failure or stress in moments that I didn’t think worked out “right”.  The wrongness does not make the moments worthless. Only my attitude can make them worth-more or worth-less.  
Keep reading if you want to join me!
Because, it’s the holidays. Thanksgiving is almost here. Christmas too. And we know who we are…
 
We are moment makers.
We plan and we dream. We buy ornaments and the perfect decorations; not from Pottery Barn (ok, maybe one thing), but even better than that. We find each piece of our decor all over the city… some at Michaels, Target, Ikea, save-on-crafts, Hobby Lobby … we arrange, we find, and we organize. We make treats and we pray over them when we remember to take the time. We want to create the perfect Christmas Season full of a love our families and friends and OURSELVES can feel. We want to feel it! We want it to soak into our bones in every possible way.
We light candles to remember the light. I have candles. Oh, I love them so much!** My favorite ones are discontinued. I can’t find them anywhere. And when I burn through the last two I have, there will be no more Christmas or Jesus in the world.
We listen to music, we make smells, we bring out the soft blankets and warm boots. We read scripture. We make lots and lots of plans to see every person possible because we love […]

True Love and The Princess Bride

Princess Bride is one of the best movies in all of movie history. On this we can agree.
On true love…
 
Westley: I told you I would always come for you. Why didn’t you wait for me?
Buttercup: Well… you were dead.
Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Buttercup: I will never doubt again.
Westley: There will never be a need.
 
I believe in true love. I believe in fighting for each other against all odds. I believe in never settling for mediocre. I believe in soul mates. I believe in kindness and respect. I believe in romance. I believe in sex as good. I believe in protecting love against all resistance.

My husband is my soul mate. This does not mean we have it easy or we naturally get it all right. Usually, nothing that I have thought would be natural and easy has actually been natural or easy. Well, “natural” but in the way that lions eating zebras is natural.
Birthing and caring for babies, for example, I thought would be natural and easy. We would sleep and feed and play and cuddle and we would just KNOW what to do next. It would be “natural” – As in easy… because those two words were synonyms in my head. This was so so wrong. Natural is usually hard work. Natural is of life and death and struggle and perseverance. Natural is of failure and commitment. Natural is of frustration and the will to live despite all odds. Natural is not easy. Easy is easy.
So, when I say that my husband and I are soul mates, I mean that our marriage is natural. Our guts said YES, get married. And it has […]

Beautiful Scars

All beautiful you are my darling, there is no flaw in you.
Song of Songs 4:7
It seems pretty absurd to believe we are without flaw, doesn’t it?
Massive cultural and financial structures are built on us believing there is something wrong with us; that we must destroy and annihilate all these “flaws” on our bodies through surgery and chemicals and anything else we can buy. We are told by 1,000s of songs, commercials, movies, magazines, and actual people, how we “should” be and how we are definitely NOT.  We are all aware of every possible physical flaw.
To hear a message that we are already all beautiful is so foreign a concept that it feels false and trite and rather stupid. Ask anyone at anytime today and they can tell you one thing about themselves that is decidedly ugly. If you’re silly enough, you can ask and they’ll tell you something about you too.
And if you are like me, you still remember the things people said were wrong with your body years and years ago.
Because of all this, even starting this conversation feels like a waste of time. No matter how much I tell you that you are beautiful and formed perfectly, all it takes is one magazine cover or a boyfriend’s inattention or callous comment and you could be lost again. I know. I know. 
I want to undo my brainwashing (more on brainwashing tomorrow).  So, I am starting with one item at a time and relearning the truth about myself. 
If I am brutally honest, my biggest struggle recently is that most days I see my stretch marks as a failure. I am an embarrassment. Some mothers have abs of steel but I do not. We applaud and […]

Hello, Monster

There was a time when my daughter was very scared of monsters. These were nights of 3a room visits and long conversations in the dark. Nights when the blinking light on the smoke detector threatened to eat her in her sleep.
During the day, we could talk openly about her fears and I tried to find humor and perspective for my Dear One. “Face your monsters,” I’d say. “Monsters chase us when we run. But, when you turn to face them, they either run away or they play with you.”

So, one day we tried to look straight at the monsters and get to know them…

 

BEING A MONSTER IS LIKE….
E = my daughter’s answers, Age 5
M = My answers, Age unnecessary

E – gobbling up chips really fast

M – knocking down a door when you try to open it.

E – Eating everything around you when you are hungry

M – trying to bounce a basketball and it goes through the floor.

E – Winning every basketball game because people are scared of you.

M – Being scared of the light instead of the dark

E – they like to sleep in your room all night and protect you. In the morning, they are in your room with the lights and blinds off.

M – looking in the mirror and startling yourself

E – being scared of your shadow

M – trying to watch TV but your fingers are too big for the remote control buttons

E – …So he just kicked the TV

M – wanting to make friends but everyone just runs away.

E – eating everything (including the jar) in one bite

M – loving camping and scary stories around a campfire

E – when you sleep in a tent, make sure to bring meat to eat

M […]

Spring and Summer

My daughter is at her last day of preschool. This is an incredibly big deal to the cells in my body. I feel them shrink today in preparation. Outside the hustle of the moment, quiet inside myself, I see her – all spunk and 5-year-old skin. I watch the families around me carrying babies, smiling, correcting, juggling – the ones in the middle.

This is the end of a huge season of my life. This season of spring. Our Spring. The beginnings of life.
SPRING

Spring: Getting to love Miracles up close and have their love in return.

Spring: Feeling incredible pain and holding on for dear life to the factual importance of love. 
Spring: Seeing cherubs crawl around my living room, rolling in clean clothes and pulling the cat’s tail.
Spring: Experiencing love with all five sense.  Singing through chores, tears kissed on lips, sleepy hugs, hearts made with whole hands.
Spring: Spending months lost in a tornado of messiness and full-out joy, tantrums and hysterical laughter.
Spring: Knowing Tiny things matter.  Errands. Dishes. Smiles. Hope. Fingers, toes, touches, breath.
 

I will miss, miss, miss, miss these little years. Everywhere I went, whether I could see it at the time or not through sleepy eyelids and Starbucks hangovers, a community of babies and new moms and toddlers supported me. Smiles from strangers. Doors held open for strollers. Reassuring eyes making soft contact with mine while screams rang in my ears.

I hold the last 8 years as gently as I can in these desperate hands. They are a gift I struggled to appreciate completely. It is exhausting trying to keep multiple emotionally turbulent people alive all day long. Days felt like eternity, serious eternity, but the months went by in a […]

By |June 11th, 2013|Honest Home|2 Comments|

For you, I will. (a poem)

For you, I will
 
For you, I will get out of bed
freezing
and fetch a glass of water.

 
For you, I will sing aloud
alone
in a karaoke bar.

 
For you, I will dance
ballroom style
wearing high heels and victory rolls.

 
For you, I will strip
naked
with lights on and eyes open.

 
For you, I will

 
My unlost love
it’s been you here
all along,
but I treated you like shit
like the one who would always be there
always too there
always right here.

 
And it’s not poetic but it’s true,
I am sorry.

 
I’ve been lost and
I’m coming home.
No matter what it takes.

 
For you, I will storm castles.
For you, I will slay dragons.
For you, I will sail 1,000 ships.

 
When it’s all over
and with wobbly arms
we embrace,
listening to ships reach the shore,
I will be unlost too.

 
I will climb back in bed
hoarse from singing my heart out,
feet throbbing and eyes drooping;
wearing only these blankets.

 
And I will
for you
finally be home in me.
 

__________

Everything in me wants to explain this love poem to you, Dear Friend, but I will trust Mr. Rogers here:
What is offered in faith by one person can be translated by the Holy Spirit into what the other person needs to hear and see. The space between them is holy ground, and the Holy Spirit uses that space in ways that not only translate, but transcend.
 
What would you do for the one you love? “For you, I will…”