motherhood

Beautiful Scars

All beautiful you are my darling, there is no flaw in you.
Song of Songs 4:7
It seems pretty absurd to believe we are without flaw, doesn’t it?
Massive cultural and financial structures are built on us believing there is something wrong with us; that we must destroy and annihilate all these “flaws” on our bodies through surgery and chemicals and anything else we can buy. We are told by 1,000s of songs, commercials, movies, magazines, and actual people, how we “should” be and how we are definitely NOT.  We are all aware of every possible physical flaw.
To hear a message that we are already all beautiful is so foreign a concept that it feels false and trite and rather stupid. Ask anyone at anytime today and they can tell you one thing about themselves that is decidedly ugly. If you’re silly enough, you can ask and they’ll tell you something about you too.
And if you are like me, you still remember the things people said were wrong with your body years and years ago.
Because of all this, even starting this conversation feels like a waste of time. No matter how much I tell you that you are beautiful and formed perfectly, all it takes is one magazine cover or a boyfriend’s inattention or callous comment and you could be lost again. I know. I know. 
I want to undo my brainwashing (more on brainwashing tomorrow).  So, I am starting with one item at a time and relearning the truth about myself. 
If I am brutally honest, my biggest struggle recently is that most days I see my stretch marks as a failure. I am an embarrassment. Some mothers have abs of steel but I do not. We applaud and […]

  • Permalink LOVE and MAKING IT is a new series on sex and marriage, bodies and souls. It will be candid and sometimes messy.  It's not just about having a great sex life; it's about having a great body life.Gallery

    Tonight I Can (a quick and honest thought on sex in marriage)

Tonight I Can (a quick and honest thought on sex in marriage)

LOVE and MAKING IT is a new series on sex and marriage, bodies and souls. It will be candid and sometimes messy.  It’s not just about having a great sex life; it’s about having a great body life. I want one of those.  Read at your own risk.

An Honest Prayer About Sex in Marriage
Tonight
I cannot shave
I cannot be thinner
I cannot grow or shrink my breasts
I cannot learn to dance on a lap or on a pole
I cannot be anything but me
But I can be brave and I can smile
I can kiss and I can love
I can move toward you instead of away
I can stop disqualifying myself from fun
For tonight I will to let you love me as I am in this very instant
not as I will be tomorrow or was yesterday
I can forget my age, weight, rules and responsibilities
I can decide to play for just a night with the love of my life
Tonight I can
 

 

(Addition: I sent this to my husband for his privacy-release, and his comment just made me laugh. “also, rereading your post… I get all the other things you can’t do by tonight… but why can’t you shave? That seems doable.”  yep, seems doable. I agree. but sometimes, it’s just not.)

 

The Infancy of our children

This is something I wrote a while ago when I was neck-deep in caring for a newborn baby… it helped me and I pray it helps other new moms someday too. For my beloved sisters who have new babies…

 
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“The infancy of our children. If we let it be a part of us — a part of our story, it can forever deepen our involvement in the bigger stories of life. This is a piece of my life deeply woven. Life. Delicate. Fragile. Alive.
I struggle for sleep and sanity.
Reminding myself over and over – It’s not failure, just challenge and struggle. Face it. Enjoy its opportunity for growth. Love endlessly. Give when it hurts. Teach as I learn. Kindness and respect in the midst of injustice.
[Soft hand on my mouth. Body and soul in my arms. Breath of my breath]
I get to build a soul. My work is invisible to her. This is my war and I fight for our lives.
Dear, self – Connect. Be in each moment. Press in. Don’t shy away from the discomfort.
Let the scars and wounds be a badge of honor
and not a regret.”
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This is so hard, my friends – being “the mom.” So full of tensions and the sweet, torturous push and pull of being so lonely and yet never alone.  Fighting for survival – yours and theirs. No one will ever see the battles you win every day, but you will and God will and that sweet baby you hold will forever be changed because of your love. Hang in there. It will be worth it, I promise.

 

By |March 14th, 2013|Honest Home|3 Comments|

Spiritual Midwives

I’m new to this idea of putting my voice out into the air. So, I’ve been searching for people to connect with as I write. One person I have begun reading and enjoying is Sarah Bessey. So today, when she invited people to link up on the topic of spiritual midwives  — women who have helped me as God gave birth to some new part of me — I decided to give this a try and jump on in.  (She also spoke of Patron Saints as people we don’t know personally who have helped us or that we want to emulate – but I have lumped them together for today.)

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My children were born at the hands of a midwife.

I too, have been born again at the hands of spiritual midwives.

The way my daughters were guided – with wisdom and help but never interference.

I have been guided but not controlled. Coaxed into a New Life.

Basically, women have come alongside me and helped me survive my spiritual births.

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I’ve had two women I LOVE give birth this month. Two new babies born into this version of life – Beautiful, strong, fragile, life-threatening and life-affirming birthing stories.

So, I have been thinking about the truth of birth a lot…
the awesome and the ugly.

How scary birthing is.
How no one can control it.
How birthing is messy.
How it is so messy.

How it pulls us back to the bones of living, exposing the ways we cover our nakedness in the day to day.

How it requires us to open up areas we absolutely did not and DO NOT want to see. (No thanks on the mirror on my wide-open vajewels.  I did NOT need to see THAT part of me at that angle, thanks!)

And […]