guest post

Own Something Beautiful

I fought that word. Beautiful. We wrestled and she broke open. Her guts spilling everywhere. I never meant to break her, I just wanted to own her. Own something beautiful.

Breaking Beautiful turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me. God is like that. He takes the broken things and says, “Now that’s better.” At the age of 30, I finally broke open my idea of how Beautiful was allowed to look and be.  And now Beautiful is everywhere, spilling all over, even in me.  When I stopped trying to own her, Beautiful was mine.
A woman of strength and tenacity, Bethany Paget, offered me a place to share my story – A place to show my work on how I finally reached the answer that I am ALL GOOD.
Come, read the rest of it here. 



Our bodies are sacred. God uses them AS THEY ARE to make the world more beautiful. If you are married or in a committed relationship and want a different way to approach sex and your body, check out my ecourse starting February 1st.

This is Intimacy

What is this life?!
My guest today in the Love and Making It: Holiday Edition series is my one-and-only sister, Robin Chancer. She might be taller than me (I mean, who isn’t?!) but she will always be my little sister. 
You can trust Robin to look at life with both practical and deeply emotional insights.  Her post reminds me of one of my favorite Tyler Knott Gregson’s Typerwriter Series poems (as if I could have a favorite in that series!!)

I want my kisses to be without question marks. I want our passion to make all the questions into exclamations. Really, what I want is to feel those questions straighten up and stand at attention. I want to feel the assurance literally FILL the space between us as we meet each other new each time.  
Keep reading. This post from Robin is a big, beautiful dare to be real and present in your body so that the intimacy between you and your spouse can become an exclamation.  
This is how you make more love.  This is intimacy. 

I work as psychotherapist, and recently I was meeting with a couple having a common struggle. He caught her sexting with someone else. She felt awful and wanted to fix the marriage. We were trudging through a classic conversation: he wants more sex, she wants less pressure. Well, shoot, I thought. This conversation is definitely not sexy.
David Schnarch in his book Passionate Marriage makes the point that classic marital therapy: active listening, I statements, and so forth is just not that sexy. That’s not what maintains passion, he would say. What maintains passion is a strong sense of self—standing on your own two feet so that you can be authentically intimate with […]

By |December 12th, 2013|Love and Making It|4 Comments|


It’s an embarrassment of riches, around here, Friends! It’s time for another guest to join us in the Love and Making It series – the Holiday edition. 
Everyone’s story is different and yet from your comments and the posts themselves, I see universal struggles and universal hopes for our sexuality. We are in this together – It’s awkward in the best possible way.  I have words to offer, words that are forming in my heart for you all – and for me – about what to do next. What do we do after we have grappled with the hard stuff, invited God into our sex-lives, reclaimed our wildness, accepted that we are loved, and tried to be brave – even with our boobs?  
For now, we confess. We confess our struggles and our hopes. We flash a little more brave with a twinkle in our eyes. 
My next guest, Candice Jones, a woman of shocking beauty who is pursuing freedom and courage with everything she’s got, has quite a spark to her.  Enjoy her words on Love and Making it.
Let her confessions inspire you to admit your own. 
I’m Candice Mae. I am happily married, and I rarely enjoy sex.
These are my confessions:

I wore a purity ring through my teen years to ward off unwanted suitors, meaning ALL suitors.
I am still trying to find the little girl in me who decided to hide and never be seen.
I sheltered myself, attempting to be an angel vs. a human being (thank you, Rob Bell, for making that distinction).
I judged and condemned other girls for their promiscuity, while secretly envying their ability to let someone in so close.
I was taught to fear– specifically to fear the regret I would feel […]

Wild Girls Dancing

Welcome, Dearest Friends, to the next guest post in our Love & Making It series, written by Esther Emery, a woman after God’s own heart.  I began stalking (aka following) Esther through twitter long before we became friends through the Story Sessions.  She fights lions and tigers and lies for the sake of her family – not just with words but with her bare hands and brave guts.  She gives me courage and has helped me find my own voice. The following words are hers; read them and let them read you.
Enjoy the force she harnesses to clear the fog and reclaim her story. You will agree and you will disagree. Pay attention to what and why you feel the way you do.  Read yourself as you read her story.
Love and Making It is a series all about sex and sensuality.  Join us in finding the way back to confident joy in our bodies and in our bedrooms. 
Wild Girls Dancing by Esther Emery
I wrote a post recently that triggered a pornography firewall. Exciting, don’t you think? It fits with my rebel image. The trouble is, that post wasn’t about sex. At all. It was about my four-year-old.
Girls. Wild. Dancing.
Those three words. That’s all it takes to trigger a firewall.
I tried to think it was funny. I tried to say, “Oh, that’s the way the world goes, isn’t it?” But I couldn’t let it go. It kept reminding me of something.
How old were you, when you learned about the dark power of a woman?
The stain? The sin? The trouble that came in through us like an open gate?
We had a power, they said. To incite. To attract. To distract. Who knew? We were just twirling in our […]

Holiday Magic (in bed)

… aka…Holiday Magic…in bed.
People want to be special and powerful.  We want to surprise and delight. We want to be magic.

It’s ok, you can admit it.
We each dream of being able to access magic, because “magic” does not always mean spooky mind-bending or casting spells.  This kind of magic is not anti-God.  Magic is when time stands still.  The kind of magic we want to be a part of is when God shows up in us and we feel loved. 
MAGIC is: a quality that makes something seem removed from everyday life, esp. in a way that gives delight.
Magic is the MORE the SPECIAL the DIVINE. Magic is that moment when we have taken someone’s breath away, inspired, and saved. Magic is when this happens to us.
To harness immortal, divine power bigger than ourselves and grab on as it pulls us from the dull normalcy of our existence – this is what we desire as human beings. We long for magic to be IN us.  We are made of spirit and dust; made to feel the Divine coursing through our veins, but most of our days are covered in dust.
We are consumed by bad jokes, computer screens, carpools, and calendars.
We can never quite access the power and beauty in the magic of life from underneath the mounds of dust.
Except in rare moments.
Art and music give this experience to the artists. The masters can dance or sing or play and experience being a conduit for the divine.
Mothers and fathers experience magic. Children are wide open life-forces for the Spirit of God and eternity and breath to come rushing through.
But nothing is like sex… well, not just sex… Sex between people in love who are committed to each […]