Archive for January, 2014
Posted by Nicole on January 31, 2014
photo from (http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html)
Do you know what this animal is called?
The scientific name: Ailurus fulgens
In most zoos these animals are labelled as “Red Panda” or “Cat-Bear”.
Red Panda… this name conjures up certain images in our heads. Images of cuddles and fur, cuteness and sweetness, like the best pet you will never have. You’d definitely offer to hug a Red Panda. I’d build a tree in my bedroom just to have Red Pandas sleep on it all day.
http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html
Red Panda
Cute, Cuddly, Sweet, Safe
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Names matter. What we label something gives it meaning and subtext. It changes how we treat it. Language is subconsciously very powerful.
This animal has another name: Firefox
Photo from http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html
Now that’s an animal worth closer attention. A Firefox is handsome, beautiful, mysterious. You respect a Firefox. You do not own a firefox; she allows you into her presence.
Firefox
Brave, Mysterious, Beautiful, Wild
*****
Are you a Red Panda or a Firefox?
You get to choose. The world does not get to decide for you who you are. This crazy zoo may call you a Red Panda, but you know in your soul you are a Firefox – and a Firefox does not give a damn what anyone else thinks.
Note: Jeff Corwin taught me that scientists have tried to categorize these animals into a larger group, but they defy categorization. They are not raccoons, cats, or bears. They are their own category. You can be your own category. You do not have to fit into the box others have assigned to you. People will try to fit you into something they know how to handle. Don’t worry about them. Just keep being your own foxy self.
Be the kind of parent you want to be.
Be the kind of spouse you want to be.
Be the kind of human you want to be.
Be the kind of beauty you want to be.
Be the kind of lover you want to be.
*****
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It | Tagged: animals, beauty, firefox, fox, red panda, uniquen | 10 Comments »
Posted by Nicole on January 23, 2014
I need to ask my body for forgiveness.
As I finalize the plan for our “Love and Making It” course, I’ve been more aware of my body. I’ve noticed that I tend to see my body as separate from “me”. There’s ME and then there’s this body I am inside that has been connected to ME by nerves and ligaments, like I am in a sci-fi movie and have been assigned this body. Do you think of yourself in pieces like that ever? Is your body YOU or a separated part that you observe from outside sometimes?
I think it’s normal to acknowledge our different elements: body, emotions, ego, mind, spirit, soul – whatever you name them.
The problem comes when we start hating one of our own pieces.
I need to ask my body for forgiveness. I’ve been divided and cruel to that piece of me. (You can read some of my story here.) Sometimes it is our own divided selves that need forgiveness and reconciliation. We cannot go on living with hate inside us and expect the rest of our lives to be full of love and passion.
Being kissed is way better when you are fully connected to your body,
like it is yours and it is good and it should be kissed.
I cannot receive love through a body that I hate.
And I have hated in the past. So, here goes. I am asking for forgiveness.
*****
Dearest,
Will you please forgive me for not loving you? I have not loved you.
I have used you. I have hurt you.
I am sorry.
I was so disappointed in you that I could not love you. And that was weak of me. And so selfish.
My brain, my ego, wanted you as a trophy to trot around at parties and in fancy clothes. My ego wanted to show you off. I needed a Beauty to reflect my power. I was using you. And when you couldn’t pass as a trophy, I hated you. I wanted a divorce. I wanted a new life without you, but we were stuck – you and I – and rather than learning to love the real you, I just resented you. I withheld love to punish you.
Why couldn’t you just be beautiful? Athletic. Graceful. Healthy. Attractive. Why couldn’t you do that for me? That would have been so much easier.
When someone else wanted to love you or touch you, I allowed it; sometimes I pushed you into it, but I hardly ever participated. Their hands touched you, but never me. I watched. I judged that other person for finding you attractive. I told you they were lying about finding you beautiful. I told you they were using you too; I thought they were. And you believed me too.
Will you please forgive me? I am realizing slowly just how wrong I was. Will you be patient with me as I learn?
Please forgive me. I cannot live without you. I do not want to live dead lives alongside each other. I want to live totally connected, united, healthy, excited to spend another day together.
I am learning to be grateful for you – the real you, but first I must ask your forgiveness.
My dearest, soft, warm, Body …. Will you please forgive me?
I must confess, I wrote you off. I decided long ago that you were the weakest link in “me”. I would focus on my strengths and play up my best features: My imagination is gorgeous. My laugh is pure joy. My words are wise. My perspective is flexible and empathetic. My humor is just the right amount of dirty.
These are some of my strengths. They make me a great member of society, a good person to have around. Alive. These make me feel alive.
And I have used them all to escape you whenever possible.
Body, you have felt like a prison.
I have dreamed of escaping you. Escaping into another body or just no body at all. You. With your asymmetrical spine and tiny height. With the parts that hurt and will not behave. I wanted out.
The only way I can be touched is through you, and you feel wrong. I want to be loved through skin that is smooth and tight and shaped just how I like – I want to be touched through a body that feels graceful and functional, without pain or embarrassment.
I want things you cannot give me and I have hated you for it.
I. Am. So. Sorry.
I am ready to learn to love the real you. Will please forgive me?
I choose You.
I Choose you.
I CHOOSE YOU.
Will you be mine?
I vow to love you every single day of our lives. I will be proud of you and boast about you. I will take care of you, protect you and let you protect me. I will learn to love the real you, just as you are. I will find my worth in the breaths I take and the courage I muster each day – not in the shape of your legs…..
Until the day that I DO find pride in the actual shape of your legs! Yes!
These legs. This breath. This hair. These hands. This smile. This age. This day. Today. Tomorrow too.
I am grateful and proud of your strength and your beauty. This shape. This moment. You are precious and miraculous. You are mine and you are good.
I love you.
*****
My ego and psyche needed to ask my body for forgiveness. Do you? What do you need to ask the sweet animal of your body to forgive you for?
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It | Tagged: body, forgiveness, hate, letters, Love | 6 Comments »
Posted by Nicole on January 22, 2014
I fought that word. Beautiful. We wrestled and she broke open. Her guts spilling everywhere. I never meant to break her, I just wanted to own her. Own something beautiful.
Breaking Beautiful turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me. God is like that. He takes the broken things and says, “Now that’s better.” At the age of 30, I finally broke open my idea of how Beautiful was allowed to look and be. And now Beautiful is everywhere, spilling all over, even in me. When I stopped trying to own her, Beautiful was mine.
*****
A woman of strength and tenacity, Bethany Paget, offered me a place to share my story – A place to show my work on how I finally reached the answer that I am ALL GOOD.
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Our bodies are sacred. God uses them AS THEY ARE to make the world more beautiful. If you are married or in a committed relationship and want a different way to approach sex and your body, check out my ecourse starting February 1st.
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Free Flying Faith, Love and Making It | Tagged: all good, beautiful, bible, guest post | 1 Comment »
Posted by Nicole on January 21, 2014
You are a masterpiece, my friend.
Body and Soul. Even in your birthday suit.
It’s my birthday so I get to say whatever I want. You are a masterpiece.
“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.”
-Psalm 139
**********
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It | Tagged: beautiful, Good, Masterpiece | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Nicole on January 17, 2014
Then, don’t forget to email 1000strands@gmail.com
to let me know you are in!
*****
We think we have to love our bodies in order to really enjoy sex. But…
What if we had sex in order to enjoy our bodies?
What if our marriage {bed} could be the place where we bring our whole selves, without fear or pretense, to experience freedom, fun, excitement, healing, passion, and beauty… LIFE to the Fullest?
What if you were allowed to feel beautiful in bed?
After talking with hundreds of women about this topic (online, in small groups, around dinner tables, in secret FB groups, and even on stage) I can tell you without a doubt that women, especially Christian women, are not at home in their bodies and not enjoying sex the way we could. I bet that doesn’t surprise you. We know we are not happy in our bodies. We know we drag ourselves to “business time” kinds of love making. We adore our husbands, but sex is just… complicated.
We go into the nights of our marriages with a familiar conversation between ourselves and our spouses… sometimes these happen out loud with the actual husband… sometimes they are all in our minds.
“Hello, I am me. The me that you married. Still me. I didn’t magically grow breasts or lose weight since last time we met here.”
“Hello, I know. I like you.”
“I’m all you’ve got, I suppose. Wanna have sex? I hear you like sex because, you know, you are a male. And I’m your only option. Sorry about that. Here. Here’s my body. Let’s do something with it, but I’m tired so please don’t take too long. And please ignore the ugly parts so you can get turned on and I can feel like a good wife. Ok? Bring the lubricant.”
There’s so much more for us! It does not have to stay that way! It can get so much better! Mind-blowingly better.
Join me for 28 days of support, counseling, laughs, hands-on activities, and soul-searching. In the end, you will feel more convinced than ever (maybe even for the first time) that YOUR BODY is BEAUTIFUL and the link between your body and your soul is much stronger than you knew.
You get to create your own world where YOU are the definition of beautiful. YOU are the definition of sexy. Your spouse is the definition of sexy! You are not his consolation prize. You are spectacular.
*****
This February, choose love for yourself and for your spouse. Come, spend a month with us as we learn to love this body and love with this body. It’s time to come alive {in bed}
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Love and Making It is designed to:
*Help identify what keeps us from enjoying sex
*Inspire us to excavate our desires and passions
*Free us from the lies we believe about our beauty and worth
*Give us tools and practices to help us find our BRAVE in bed
*Tattoo truths on our hearts so we never again forget how BEAUTIFUL we are
*extra bonus: Your husband will be very, very, very grateful and happy.
*****
WHEN: February 1-28, 2014
WHAT: Daily inspiration and prompts from Nicole. A specifically designed, confidential FB group for community and support. Three group video conference calls with everyone who can make it, designed to encourage and challenge. One heart-to-heart with just Nicole.
WHO: Married women will get the most out of this course, but all are welcome.
PRICE: $28, Honesty, a Sense of Humor, CONFIDENTIALITY (there are 2 scholarships available for the money. No one can give you humor or integrity)
28 days – designed to provide a new freedom and beauty {in bed} for $28
(CLASS IS NOW CLOSED. A NEW CLASS WILL START IN THE SPRING. EMAIL 1000STRANDS@GMAIL.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION.)
HERE’S HOW TO SIGN UP:
1. Pay through Paypal.
2. Send me an email at 1000strands@gmail.com letting me know you paid and MOST IMPORTANTLY with the email address you use on Facebook so I can find you and add you to the group.
Once you sign up, you will soon receive a welcome email from me and an invitation to the secret FB group that will start to heat up on January 31st. Be sure to send me an email at 1000strands@gmail.com with your name and Facebook email address.
I will close the sign ups on February 1st or when we reach our maximum. I want to know each woman and talk to every one of you one-on-one so the class will be limited. SIGN UP TODAY!
**Plus! Because of a generous donor, we have 2 scholarships so please email me if you’re stuck in a really rough patch. (1000strands@gmail.com subject line “Love and Making It Scholarship)
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It, Uncategorized | Tagged: beauty, eCourse, Love, sex | 8 Comments »
Posted by Nicole on January 16, 2014
I am more and more convinced that we decide too early what we are worth and what we are capable of doing. You are so much more able than you think. Our abilities are buried under layers of fear. They are also buried under many hours of practice and routine; as each practice uncovers a bit more of the treasure already in you.
Each hour of training is like being an archeologist as you uncover the clues and beautiful treasures that have been in you all along.
Start doing whatever it is you wish you could do. Write. Kiss. Sing. Build. Run. You will uncover the ability to do it as you try.
Forget the size of your body. Remember the size of your guts.
Posted in Free Flying Faith, How Can I Help, Poetry | 12 Comments »
Posted by Nicole on January 15, 2014
Take Care of You: Body and Soul
Free Pictures and Art to inspire the love and bravery, passion and beauty in YOU.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: art, inspiration, Love, pictures | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Nicole on January 15, 2014
Through the first season of Love and Making it, I discovered one important thing and it is this… most Christian women do not fully enjoy having sex. Whether it’s our body image, past purity lessons, exhaustion, cultural messages, or a plethora of other issues, we have a hard time enjoying our sex lives to the fullest.
This is an immediate problem and one we need to address. Not only for our husbands but for our own lives. Don’t give up on your body being and feeling GOOD. Everything God makes is good. He said so. SIGN UP FOR THE NEW eCOURSE Starting February 1st! GO HERE.
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What if you were allowed to feel beautiful in bed?
We think we have to love our bodies in order to enjoy sex. But…
What if we had sex in order to enjoy our bodies?
What if sex was a way to care for your body instead of a way of demanding something from it?
No matter how you spend your day feeling – beautiful or terrible – about your body, you CAN let sex be a building up and not a stripping away of your self worth.
What if you were allowed to feel beautiful in bed?
We have it in our heads that we are supposed to be something specific before we can be sexy. We have it in our heads that we are supposed to feel a certain way before we can have great sex. This is only true as long as you believe it. The miraculous thing about a marriage and about the relationship between a loving and little-bit-brave couple, is that there really are no set rules.
You get to create your own world where YOU are the definition of beautiful. YOU are the definition of sexy. Your spouse is the definition of sexy too! This is your game and no one can disqualify you from playing to the very end.
Do not let the rules of the fickle world define your marriage {bed}.
Sometimes we go into the nights of our marriages with a familiar conversation in our heads between ourselves and our spouses… sometimes these happen out loud with the actual husband… sometimes they are all in our minds.
“Hello, I am me. The me that you married. Still me. I didn’t magically grow breasts or lose weight since last time we met here.”
“Hello, I know. I like you.”
“I’m all you’ve got, I suppose. Wanna have sex? I hear you like sex because, you know, you are a male. And I’m your only option. Sorry about that. Here. Here’s my body. Let’s do something with it, but I’m tired so please don’t take too long. And please ignore the ugly parts so you can get turned on and I can feel like a good wife. Ok? Bring the lubricant.”
It’s depressing.
It doesn’t have to be like this. It doesn’t.
What if you were allowed to feel beautiful in bed?
You are not his consolation prize. You are spectacular. And I bet your husband knows it way better than you do. You can’t see your light and your beauty, but he can. He doesn’t want to have sex with you because he has no choice and you are his only relief from the need. He wants to have sex with you because sex with you is like the best thing ever.
LISTEN… I did not say that sex is the best thing ever. I am assuming you are not married to a 15-year-old boy from Superbad.
Sex with YOU, is the best thing ever.
Imagine how you feel when you have a conversation where the other person really GETS you. You laugh til your face hurts. You create inside jokes. You admit a deep fear and they totally understand – they admit their own fear and you cry a moment together. At the end of the night, it feels like no time and an infinite time have gone by and your soul is at rest.
This is sex for your husband. And it can be for us too.
It can be a place of knowing and healing – like a great conversation. You come to it when you feel sad or happy, brave or shy, beautiful or ugly. You come to your marriage bed {which doesn’t have to be a bed} as yourself and you have the “conversation” with him. Some days it can be wild and fun. Some days it can be careful and healing. But we have to stop prejudging what sex is supposed to be like or we will never have any kind of sex but the obligatory kind. And that just sucks. Who wants that life?
We have to be willing to come to it as we are, with no qualifications except commitment and love. You are allowed to be loved like this. <<<<<Bold, Italic, Underline.
You are allowed to be free and honest EVEN while making love.
What if the next time you have a headache, you said, “Honey, I have a headache, can we please have sex tonight?” (Imagine!)
What if having a headache meant it was a good time to have sex?
What if sex was allowed to be as relaxing as a massage?
What if sex was allowed to be as invigorating as spin class?
What if sex was allowed to surprise you?
What if it could be whatever you needed like a great conversation with your best friend?
What if you were allowed to be loved just as you are in bed?
What if you were allowed to feel beautiful in bed?
I’m just saying, you probably have rules about what making love is “supposed” to be like that maybe it’s time to question, because if you are married, this will always be a thing.
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I do not write from a place of all-knowing, either. I am just a girl who struggles hard with beauty and expectations. I always, always preach to myself. I’ve been through injuries and depression and I’ve seen my marriage bed be a major place of care and fun and healing in the midst of all my “stuff” over the last five years {married for 14 years but the last 5 have demanded I look my fears and desires in the eyes} – and I want the same for your marriage too.
It is a month until Valentine’s Day – second only to your husband’s birthday as the day great sex is “supposed” to happen. Forget the “supposed to”!!! For me, the best way to work through expectations, and a build-up like Valentine’s Day, is to get a jump start on them. So, this month we are going to start talking about LOVE and MAKING IT again so that by the time Valentine’s Day actually gets here, you’ve had so much fun with your spouse that it’ll just be one day in a sea of awesome days in bed together. And in the long run, I hope you never feel obligated to have sex again. Do it for you not just for him! After this month, sex will move from the “For Him” column and into the “For Us” or even the “For Me” column – because once we start looking at sex as something for us too, it will be way more fun.
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I’m starting a 28 day online group and ecourse on February 1st – where we can talk safely, confidentially, and openly about how to have more freedom and fun in {bed}.
ALSO….
Obviously, there are a couple filters to read these Love and Making It posts through: I am married. I am female. I am straight. I believe in Jesus. These characteristics define the things I know and my experiences, but they do not mean I want to exclude other voices from this conversation. Please always feel free to comment below or email me if you want to keep it between us.
Posted in Love and Making It | Tagged: beauty, bedroom, self esteem, sex, sexy, try new things | 13 Comments »
Posted by Nicole on January 13, 2014
God, when I sit in this room, I can feel both alone and the opposite of alone.
I can be aware of the table and my coffee. I can feel the air moving in and out to my nose. There is a chair beneath me and a black cat walking back and forth around it all.
I can choose to be aware of You, too: The I Am, The Presence. The One who is always here. I can choose to feel you in that air and in my bones.
God, when I sit in this room, I can feel both alone and the opposite of alone.
I can choose to see you as separate from me. In this way, you are here and yet different from the Me I consciously know. You are a loving relationship that requires space between us. I pray and you come. I request and you give.
I can also choose to see you as essentially in me. In this way, you are here as surely as I am here. You are a loving Presence in my cells that requires a connection with my own mind and body. Here, to love myself is to be loved by you. Here, to accept the body I am in, is to accept that this body is Us. Here, to pray for peace is to know that the peace is here waiting to be accepted already in my guts. To ask you to be with me would be like asking myself to go hang out sometime.
You are here. You are more here in and with me and available to me than my own thoughts and emotions and needs. You are the beautiful, quiet option that I don’t always know how to pick.
Jesus, I have no choice but to believe you are here in whichever way I manage to choose. You are present. YWHW – Presence.
Your bible is confusing. Your people are a mess. And yet, impossible as it seems, as real as this table or the lungs in my chest, God, You are here.
Sometimes I think you just want to be noticed. To be witnessed. I recognize the need in me to be noticed and I wonder if this is part of your image in me now – something holy demanding to be noticed in the pain, in the love, in the people, in the dirt.
I see you. In the trees. Bursting sap. Falling pine cones. Strong branches with kids hanging off them.
I see you. In the blue sky. Endless whispers. Wind from the atmosphere’s edges all the way down to my face.
I see you. In the people. Hand-holding. Laughing so hard they can’t open their eyes.
I see you. In me. Skin upon blood, ligaments, muscles and bones. A heart that beats. A body that breathes. Hopes. Loves. Hurts.
I see you in this body you made to fit this soul just right.
God, you are here as surely as I am here.
Sometimes love is just choosing to see.
Run with Joy 1000strands.com
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Free Flying Faith | Tagged: faith, God, hope, jesus, Love, Presence, seen | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Nicole on January 10, 2014
It’s time to TAKE CARE OF YOU.
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When I was training for my half marathon (that phrase still makes me laugh, it still seems preposterous, but I did it)….
When I was training for my half marathon, I ate whatever I wanted. I needed fuel! If I was hungry after a run and wanted In n Out, no problem! If it was 10p and I was starving, absolutely I could eat some delicious Honey Bunches of Oats (with almonds!).
Then, I ran the race in December!! It was amazing. I’ll tell you all about it soon.
And I just kept on eating in the days after the race too. Want pizza for dinner? Right on! Let’s do it. It’s almost Christmas; let’s have pie!
Now, it’s been a full month AFTER the race and it’s time to get my act together. My body needs some anti-running exercise. My body needs some lighter food. My skin needs some winter care. I’ve gotten so lazy after the exertion of the race that I don’t even like brushing my teeth.
Can you relate? You probably didn’t run a half-marathon. (Why would a sane person do that?) But, you probably have some kind of whole food / walk everyday / drink a smoothie for breakfast / P90x / brush your teeth 2x’s a day ….. kind of goal for this month. Let’s do it together.
To quote one of my favorite movie lines ever; it’s time to “TAKE CARE OF YOU!”
It doesn’t have to be anything big. Small things can change your life. I will bring you my favorite food, self-care tips and products, and exercise plans both here on the blog and on my Pinterest Boards. Bring me yours too!
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Today’s Take Care of You TIP:
While I was running every day, I needed more food (thus all the eating) and I was finally brave enough to try Greek Yogurt. You may be way ahead of me on this but OH it’s awesome! If you like yogurt AT ALL, do not be scared to eat Greek Yogurt.
It has way more protein than regular yogurt and I find the consistency fluffier and more indulgent too.
Mix in all kinds of things. I get the plain yogurt and add a little sweetness with the add-ons. Also, I cannot tell the difference between the 2% and the 0% fat so pick whichever makes you feel better about yourself.
My favorites toppings: sliced almonds and dried cranberries (since it is winter) but I bet fresh berries will be perfect in the summer. I also like to use granola and chia seeds (they taste like nothing and have great nutrition, just ignore the fact that they look like tiny alien eggs). Go crazy.
This was my breakfast today.
Greek yogurt with granola and dried berries
This year, be a good parent to yourself. Be consistent. Keep your promises. Lavish love. Make good food. Laugh.
Posted in Healthy You | Tagged: food, health, Recipe, Take Care of You | 2 Comments »