marriage

Don’t Touch My Boobs

Friends, this post is a huge part of why I wanted to start this series in the first place – the topic here is universal and it is also secret.  My guest is a woman who rocks my world with her powerful writing, friendship, teaching, and hilarity.  Enjoy this next post in our Love and Making It Series!
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I flinch when my husband touches my boobs. I don’t know how else to tell you that except for just outright. So there it is. I flinch when my husband touches my boobs. Even when I am enjoying it (yes, I just went there and you don’t even know my name!) Now, that we know where this is headed, let’s back it up a little bit.
My name is Abby Norman, I am the mother of two hilarious girls and the wife of one great man. We met during my freshman year of college when I was not looking for a man. When my grandpa asked me if I was dating anyone, I told him no. I was dating everyone. I don’t think he had ever been prouder of me. I was not going to date seriously until I was a junior.
God had different plans. I was engaged a year after that conversation with my grandfather and married a year after that. I wasn’t dating anyone my junior year. I was married to him. That was almost nine years ago. And still, when my husband touches my boobs, the automatic response from my brain is “no-touching!” Perhaps I need to back up even further.
My parents never shied away from the sex talk. I knew that sex was for married people before I even knew what sex was. Anytime […]

True Love and The Princess Bride

Princess Bride is one of the best movies in all of movie history. On this we can agree.
On true love…
 
Westley: I told you I would always come for you. Why didn’t you wait for me?
Buttercup: Well… you were dead.
Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Buttercup: I will never doubt again.
Westley: There will never be a need.
 
I believe in true love. I believe in fighting for each other against all odds. I believe in never settling for mediocre. I believe in soul mates. I believe in kindness and respect. I believe in romance. I believe in sex as good. I believe in protecting love against all resistance.

My husband is my soul mate. This does not mean we have it easy or we naturally get it all right. Usually, nothing that I have thought would be natural and easy has actually been natural or easy. Well, “natural” but in the way that lions eating zebras is natural.
Birthing and caring for babies, for example, I thought would be natural and easy. We would sleep and feed and play and cuddle and we would just KNOW what to do next. It would be “natural” – As in easy… because those two words were synonyms in my head. This was so so wrong. Natural is usually hard work. Natural is of life and death and struggle and perseverance. Natural is of failure and commitment. Natural is of frustration and the will to live despite all odds. Natural is not easy. Easy is easy.
So, when I say that my husband and I are soul mates, I mean that our marriage is natural. Our guts said YES, get married. And it has […]

I am a wife and I am a Jesus Feminist

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
 
I am a wife and I am a Jesus feminist.

In the game we were taught, we had assigned roles.
I am a woman. I am the church.
You are a man. You are Jesus. ???

You get to be Jesus in this story?!

Have you ever played an imaginary game with your kids? Or did you play as different characters when you were a kid? What did you love to play? Were you the hero? Were you the parent in charge of it all? Wasn’t there always one kid who took the best role, the best character, and demanded you be like … the pet… or the baby… or Robin to their Batman?? That just sucked, didn’t it?

If you are a younger sibling, this was probably your life-story for a time. 🙂 Well…

Imagine being a woman in the church.
Imagine being told, from the day you started to form a true identity, that your role is to be the sidekick. Even when you were on fire, you were never the hero. To fulfill someone else’s vision, someone else’s hopes and dreams, someone else’s ambitions… this was your life’s work; not as a choice or a calling, but as an assigned character to play in someone else’s game.
People with a desire to lead need followers. Kingdom builders need servants. If men […]

By |November 11th, 2013|Free Flying Faith|2 Comments|

Beauty and the Porn Beast

Welcome, Dearest Friends, to the first guest post in our Love & Making It series, written by Sarah Wheeler, a woman of valor and heart.  Through a truly awesome writing community called Story Sessions, I have gotten to know and love Sarah.  The following words are hers – about her journey with her husband through the trenches of sex and porn addiction and marriage.
Read her words and let them read you. This is her story and one told with thoughtful attention to detail in her reactions and her husband’s.
You will agree and you will disagree. Pay attention to what and why you feel the way you do.  Read yourself as you read her story.
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Beauty and the Porn Beast by Sarah Wheeler

If I’m honest with myself, I knew about his porn habit when we were dating. There were a stack of magazines in his closet, and I acted as though I was cool with the whole thing. Because, really, he’s a single guy and what do I expect? Every guy I’ve ever known looks at porn, at least he didn’t have a life-sized poster hanging on his wall. I told myself that this was what he used to cope with being single and allowed myself to believe that if we became more than just this “thing” we refused to label, the magazines would disappear and he would be enamored with me (and me alone) and we would live happily ever after. I blame my obsession with Beauty and the Beast for that mindset: “if you love him, magical glitter will melt away all his ugly parts and he will be perfect and you will be happy forever.” Dead wrong. You can fast forward to six […]

  • Permalink LOVE and MAKING IT is a new series on sex and marriage, bodies and souls. It will be candid and sometimes messy.  It's not just about having a great sex life; it's about having a great body life.Gallery

    Tonight I Can (a quick and honest thought on sex in marriage)

Tonight I Can (a quick and honest thought on sex in marriage)

LOVE and MAKING IT is a new series on sex and marriage, bodies and souls. It will be candid and sometimes messy.  It’s not just about having a great sex life; it’s about having a great body life. I want one of those.  Read at your own risk.

An Honest Prayer About Sex in Marriage
Tonight
I cannot shave
I cannot be thinner
I cannot grow or shrink my breasts
I cannot learn to dance on a lap or on a pole
I cannot be anything but me
But I can be brave and I can smile
I can kiss and I can love
I can move toward you instead of away
I can stop disqualifying myself from fun
For tonight I will to let you love me as I am in this very instant
not as I will be tomorrow or was yesterday
I can forget my age, weight, rules and responsibilities
I can decide to play for just a night with the love of my life
Tonight I can
 

 

(Addition: I sent this to my husband for his privacy-release, and his comment just made me laugh. “also, rereading your post… I get all the other things you can’t do by tonight… but why can’t you shave? That seems doable.”  yep, seems doable. I agree. but sometimes, it’s just not.)

 

When Your Body is a Minefield

LOVE and MAKING IT is a new series on sex and marriage, bodies and souls. It will be candid and sometimes messy.  It’s not just about having a great sex life; it’s about having a great body life. I want one of those.  Read at your own risk.

I have noticed something about myself. I recoil when my husband touches my stomach or my sides – especially when I am sitting.
I do not like my stomach as it currently is. I would sure like it to change shape, be different, go away. And to touch it… is an act of aggression against me.
So, when my husband makes a loving move towards me… you know the one… The loving one where he is making a move …
It pisses me off. I can actually feel anger rise up from somewhere deep.
“How dare you touch my stomach?!”
That’s not good for our relationship – when my body is a minefield. He’s just happily walking through a beautiful wonderland (known as my body) and **BAM** land mine explosion.
“Get your hands off my belly!” 
(I don’t actually say that. If I did, I am pretty sure he would fall over in fits of laughter.)
 
We have been married for fourteen years, my husband and me. 14 years. I am pretty sure he knows my body better than I do. I’m trying to ignore parts and he’s trying to know all of me. And he still loves me lots. So, what’s my issue?
Even when we have someone who loves us, it can be hard to accept ourselves. And it can be even more frustrating because there’s “no good reason”. I have a partner who loves all of me, so I should just […]