Archive for the ‘Love and Making It’ Category
Honest, safe, funny, conversations about all things love and making it. The goal is to make sex more fun and more meaningful at the same time. It can be done!
Get over it
Posted by Nicole on October 13, 2015
Get over it.
Those are words I hate.
Get over it.
They undermine every molecule of my being – my ENFP personality.
Empathy. Therapy. Conversation. Process. These are priceless values that bring humanity and love to every relationship. Basically, my friend, you would almost never hear me say “Get Over It.”
Until NOW.
If there is something in your way, GET OVER IT.
Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s how much I want us all to be the vibrant, powerful creatures I know we are meant to be. We can get over this.
Whatever it is that is standing in your way, get over it.
maybe… just maybe…
You are a victim of your mindset. You let your thoughts and fears and fixed beliefs stop you from being really alive. You do not act with passion or dauntless fear because you do not think you can handle the reactions of other people. You fear the looks on their faces or the words formed in their mouths. You would do it, but then there would be consequences in their judgments and confusion so you do not do anything but the same old quiet thing.
maybe… just maybe…
You don’t know what step 2 will be so you never take step 1… you fear the awkward and ugly moment after step 1 when you’ve got nothin else in your scared brain and don’t know how to get out of the situation. You’ve backed out of enough weird moments with people to know you don’t want to do THAT again.
So you never say HI to someone cute. You only dance ironically. You change your clothes without ever getting naked. You don’t remind your boss how awesome you are at your job. You walk right by the opportunity for BRAVE and TRUE because you are too scared of AWKWARD and STUPID.
Get over it.
Too scared? Too intimidated? Too ugly? Think no one understands you or cares what you have to say? Controlled by other people’s decisions? Too short? Too nice? Too introverted? Too old? Too young? Too too too … NOTHING.
Yes, we will look stupid at times. Oh well!
I get it.
I am only now realizing just how careful I’ve been and how much space for growth there is if I “get over it.”
Both physically and mentally, it’s time to get over ourselves.
Take that Zumba class.
Try Periscope.
Start your own side-business.
Go tell him how you feel.
Wear the damn dress.
Ask for the promotion.
Apply to the fellowship.
Write the letter.
Go first next time.
Turn the lights on.
What do you need to get over and do?
You cannot properly love yourself until you get over yourself.
Read more of the Body full of Soul Series.
Posted in Love and Making It, Write 31 Days | Leave a Comment »
Pique Your Curiosity
Posted by Nicole on October 7, 2015
“The soul is like a wild animal — tough, resilient, savvy, self-sufficient, and yet exceedingly shy. If we want to see a wild animal, the last thing we should do is to go crashing through the woods, shouting for the creature to come out. But if we are willing to walk quietly into the woods and sit silently for an hour or two at the base of a tree, the creature we are waiting for may well emerge, and out of the corner of an eye we will catch a glimpse of the precious wildness we seek.” – Parker Palmer
*****
Inside of you is a wild animal. A wild animal is not, by default, violent or vicious. She is unpredictable, mysterious, earthy. Her body gently holds her. Her body fiercely molds her as she lives each challenging day.
Your soul is like a wild animal.
Perhaps, for you, your body is a forest and your soul lives somewhere inside. The forest has a history and a feeling. Your wild soul lives here, difficult to locate, but undeniable. This is as it should be. You are not a puppy. You are a fox. You are a wild horse. Your strength is yours. Your body and soul are yours.
How do you coax a wild animal into view?
Pique its curiosity.
Through thoughtful sounds, movements, smells, and patience – a wild animal will be intrigued enough to emerge and be seen…and to see. When she feels a combination of safety and curiosity, when her senses are piqued, she will come out to play.
If we are brave and patient enough, we can nurture the wild, loving soul in us.
Is there an activity you do where you allow your soul to emerge without force or coercion?
Do you make space to coax and allure her until she lets down her guard and follows her own curiosity?
It could be Yoga, Sex, Painting, Running, Writing. When do you allow yourself to be and play without needing to perform? You need this. We all need this.
Your soul is like a wild animal.
Start alluring and intriguing your soul into view instead of commanding her to come. The experience will be entirely different than the on-demand life we are accustomed to. There will be a spark and a beauty and a respect we’ve maybe been missing. You will feel more connected to your body and more sure of your abilities and worth. It only takes a few minutes a day.
Try this: For 10 minutes. Read that Parker Palmer quote again and then just sit – Straight up and breathing deep. Be aware of your goodness and your connection to the Creator of the universe. Know you are as loved while sitting still as when you are working hard. As Elizabeth Gilbert says, “Contemplate Your Existence.” Pique your curiosity.
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It, Write 31 Days | Tagged: body full of soul, lions, parker palmer | Leave a Comment »
Good night’s sleep
Posted by Nicole on October 4, 2015
Body full of Soul is a series about life. Let your body and soul flourish.
Let’s get a good night’s sleep, shall we? There are endless tips about how to do this, but here are two things you can do anytime to help relax.
Our minds are so much more capable of self-care than we realize. Relaxing and focusing in on certain parts of your body will tell other systems to let down their own guard and rest. We all need rest.
There are small things you can do even at work… even while taking care of wild children… even at the grocery store or in a stressful meeting that will relax you. These same things can help you enter sleep more quickly and with more intentional beauty.
First Try This:
Relax your tongue and jaw.
Let your tongue lay low in your mouth and let your lips part slightly.
(^^That part you can do anywhere. No one will know you are practicing relaxing in their presence^^)
You can take it further and…
Rub your fingers firmly from the inner edges of your eyebrows, along your brow line, gently through your temples to your hairline, and then firmly trace along your hairline, past your ears and against your jaw.
Relax. Breathe. Focus on long exhales.
“Relaxing your tongue and jaw sends a message to your brain stem and limbic system to turn off the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol,” says neuropsychologist Marsha Lucas, PhD (from Prevention.com)
Do this to remind your body that you are safe and can relax.
*****
Second Try This:
If you are looking for a more complete connection between body and spirit before you enter sleep, try a Body Scan Meditation with a Prayer twist.
A great example of a recorded Body Scan Meditation is here at NPR.com.
The purpose Body Scan Meditation is to bring awareness and acceptance to each member of the body without judgement and without trying to fix anything. Sense and notice.
As you lay still, set your mind on the purpose of this time: acceptance and awareness.
Now, begin scanning your attention from your toes to the top of your head. You are going to greet each part of your body with honor and love and awe. Even the sources of pain or discomfort, you will simply notice and send love through taking a deep breath as that part enters your mind or you can gently touch the area with the palms of your hands, if it feels right.
After you have taken your time touring your body, you will end in prayer over your entire body with love. Feel the skin that covers you and knits you all together.
Choose a prayer to lay over each inch of skin that makes you a whole body. You can these just at the end or even all throughout your scan if you find yourself struggling:
“All beautiful you are, My Darling; there is no flaw in you.”
“I will offer You my grateful heart, for I am Your unique creation,
filled with wonder and awe.”
If you are married, you could do the Body Scan Prayer together – let your spouse pray over every single part of you and gently lay their hands on your skin as they pray.
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Healthy You, Love and Making It, Write 31 Days | Tagged: body, Body Scan Prayer | Leave a Comment »
Imagination and Kissing
Posted by Nicole on October 3, 2015
We cannot force ourselves back to life all at once like a sudden combustion, but we are never past hope. The wick is still in your heart. You can burn with passion again.
*****
Force of will
turns nothing on.
Candles are lit
like women.
With fire
and focus
and melting.
*****
It’s that magic combination of body and soul that comes with focused attention, but the soul must be included.
“There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don’t work.”
-Anais Nin
*****
Keep up with the entire Body full of Soul Series HERE.
We are talking about reuniting our bodies and souls and finding the passion kindled when we do.
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It, Write 31 Days | Tagged: Anais Nin, Love, love and making it | 1 Comment »
Touch me
Posted by Nicole on October 2, 2015
I’m here. In here.
not body or soul
but both – Both
skin and nerves
sewn to love and fears
touch me, please
so you can touch me
We are neither angel nor animal.
We can live for days as if our minds are the endless, beautiful, infinite space of creativity and spirituality. We can live for days as if our bodies are the magnetic, focused, sensory playgrounds of indulgence and physical exertion. We can choose to live on either side of the divide, but only so long as we can keep up the illusion that there IS a divide.
We cannot live long or well without realizing the mental effect of our physical actions.
We cannot live long or well without realizing the physical needs and effects of our mental obsessions.
You are imagination and skin.
The goal of this series is to remind you and me, everyday, that every part of us is made well … and not just made well, but somehow precious and important.
Skin is holy. Spirit is holy.
If we are living for the day that we are finally done with this body and can be the spirit we were always meant to be, we are missing the goodness and holiness in Life. It is in and through our bodies that we love and are loved.
*****
Last night, my littlest daughter asked me to cuddle with her. She loves when I gently run my hands up and down her legs as she lays in bed. Her soft body glides under my warm hands and I pray for her as I slowly make contact with each inch of her tired skin. Being alive is exhausting, especially when you are doing it well. So, I pray for her health and for her legs – that they would be strong and sure. I pray for her heart and the blood flowing through her veins. I pray for her gut – that she would feed it well and listen to it even better.
As I am praying, she asks if she can rub my arms. She tells me to sit still and proceeds to run her excruciatingly soft, gentle, cool hands up and down my tired arms. And my heart breaks.
Glory.
The glory of a touch given with so much care and innocence and generosity.
My heart breaks into one zillion pieces and I like it.
My spirit and my skin pull tight against each other, no empty spaces, only wholeness. Tears spring to my eyes. I smile. This is what it feels like to be real
…to have my physical world and my spiritual world alight with electrical impulses connecting me to me.
*****
When your body takes action, connect your spirit with that action. Commit your whole self to the present moment. When you hold someone’s hand, make sure your personality is in that hand too. Make it mean something.
When your spirit processes life, include physical activity in the process. Deep breathing changes everything. Sweat cleans more than just skin. Touch matters. Include your physical life in your spiritual life and witness real change in the overall enjoyment you experience.
*****
If God came to earth in a human body, there is no stronger word to be spoken about the goodness of skin and bones.
God came in the form of Jesus.
And, well, it could be said that God is on earth within the form of YOU as well.
“Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?”
1 Cor 3:16
Touch is not always a demand. Sometimes, it is a request for care and connection. Sometimes, most of the time, it is soul care deep down.
Check out the rest of the Body full of Soul Series HERE!
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It, Uncategorized, Write 31 Days | Tagged: beauty, body, Write31Days | 2 Comments »
CS Lewis Said Something
Posted by Nicole on October 1, 2015
C.S. Lewis famously said,
“You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.”
But he never said that. Go. Look. Read. CS Lewis did not say you are a soul and have a body.
And it’s not true anyway.
You do not have a soul. You are a soul.
AND
You do not have a body. You are a body.
You are all the parts of you.
Human flourishing depends on us being completely whole soul-body-beings. To try and separate our precious selves into manageable parts is to self-destruct. It is tempting to disown these imperfect, frustrating, noisy, smelly collections of skin and bones. But, in doing so, we lose ourselves. At least, we lose huge parts of what we are created to be.
In the Bible it is written that we are formed of God’s breath and the dust of the earth. You are a mysterious, beautiful, miraculous collection of infinitesimal objects that constantly die, regenerate, communicate, and stimulate YOU.
It is in the co-mingling cells and space, water and air that we are made whole.
You are a soul. You are a body.
We are more like the ocean than a glass of water. Often, we see our bodies as the container that holds our soul, but the relationship between body and soul is much more complicated. Your body is not a simple receptacle. Your soul does not sit, untainted, within that beautiful skin. Your soul lives THROUGH your body. You are an entire ecosystem.
Breathe deeply and slowly and you WILL improve your mental acuity and strength.
Dance regularly and you WILL reduce your risk of Alzheimers by 76%.
All of October – for these 31 days together let’s take a few minutes a day to improve our whole selves …
I am rooting for you {and for me!}.
You are an incredible, impossible collection of cells and space. You are spirit and personality and love. You are flesh and bone and miracle.
If you’ll take it, I want to give you enthusiastic permission to enjoy yourself {and your spouse, if you’ve accepted one} passionately and fully.
I want for you to walk down the street and feel the satisfying click of soul and body matching up; the grooves fitting just right.
I want for you to get in bed, feel your fingers and toes, lips and breasts and know that every part of you is Good, inside and out.
And when you’ve had a hard day. When you feel too small or too big, too ugly or too old, when the grime of life is stuck to you like wet sand, I want for you to have a place where the troubles of the world wash right off.
Reconnect your sensitive flesh to your indestructible soul.
Fill out to the edges so your body can feel loved and your soul can experience life.
Allow your body and soul to flourish and expand to their full shape and size.
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It, Write 31 Days | 1 Comment »
Write 31 Days 2015
Posted by Nicole on October 1, 2015
Hi Friends! Welcome.
Take a slow, deep breath.
Count to 4 as you inhale.
Hold all that breath in your lungs as you count to 4 again.
Then, when you are ready, breathe out slowly and fully.
*****
Welcome to this space. It is as much yours as it is mine. May it be a rest when you need it + a kick in the butt when you need that too. All these tiny pixels, created by fingers on keys, mean something to me + I hope they mean something in your life too.
We will talk about bodies + souls here. We will talk about love + making it. I am a pastor, speaker, writer, and a sex educator.
So, now that I’ve made every possible person slightly uncomfortable, let’s see what good we can do in this uncharted territory. Please proceed wisely and know your own boundaries. love, Nicole
*****
Body full of Soul is a series inspired by the annual Write 31 Days venture.
Everything is Connected. We are whole beings and it matters what you do with your body and how you think about your body.
Let’s set aside a little time each day in October to give attention to the miracle of being human. We are made of stardust and the breath of God, after all.
All of the essays + pictures + sensual delights
will line up here for your attention.
ESSAYS + GOODNESS
-
C.S. Lewis Said Something – on having and being
-
Touch Me, Please, So You Can Touch Me – on angels and animals
-
Imagination and Kissing – Anais Nin and me
-
Good Night’s Sleep – relaxing
-
Pique Your Curiosity – on Parker Palmer and the wildness of your soul
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Prayer for Love – seeing with new eyes and closeness of heart
-
Life is a Freakin Miracle – presence and a Bible reading just for you
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Get Over It – let’s be brave and let’s make changes
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Glass Half Full – but that glas, though
-
Loving Yourself – it takes a triangle. Part 1.
-
Broken Bowls and Homes for Souls – melodrama and broken dishes
“You are pure soul and made of the ground.” – Rumi
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It, Write 31 Days | Tagged: body, health, Love, Write31Days | 1 Comment »
Quickie 3
Posted by Nicole on May 14, 2015
quick thoughts…to help you get in the mood for love…
Warning:
Hugging Causes Love
*****
Stand close to me.
Closer.
Wrap your living arms around me
and I’ll wrap mine around you.
Until our torsos press together so soundly
that our hearts can whisper in each others ears.
Hug me til I’m real,
til the day releases me into your custody.
Even the monks do it.
They say it causes love
forgiveness too.
We are both here,
maybe we should try it.
*****
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It | Tagged: hug, Love, monks, quickie | Leave a Comment »
Quickie 2
Posted by Nicole on May 12, 2015
quickie thought #2… talking to myself again…
Your fat cells cannot keep the love out.
Love penetrates.
You, my Darling, act like fat destroys Love –
like Love will disintegrate upon contact.
How weak and fragile you imagine It.
Love knows no destruction, fear, or preference
for which kinds of cells it touches.
As long as those cells carry the distinct signature inside
that reads, “You” … then they are each perfect.
Previous Quickie Thoughts to help you get in the mood for love.
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It | Tagged: fat, hope, Love, quickie | Leave a Comment »