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3 Ways to Celebrate Your Birthday

Posted by Nicole on January 13, 2015

Did I mention it is almost my birthday and I also have issues?

This year, I am facing it head on. My Birthday monsters will not chase me into a dark corner to hide until this sucker is over. I will stay out in the open; sword-of-generosity in my hand and shield-of-oversharing around me.

Birthdays are hard but I sure love them. For our kids, we decorate the entire house the night before their birthday with some of their favorite toys and printed pictures of their favorite things. The year they loved Minions, there was a handmade Twinkies-in-the-shape-of-Minions cake.  In order to get their presents, our kids solve puzzles and clues to complete an epic scavenger hunt that often takes them underwater and to the houses of their best friends. This year we incubated duck eggs and fostered ducklings for a month because my daughter loves ducks. All of this, to show them how loved they are and how seen and how known – that they are WORTH IT… basically to communicate all the things we hope for our children … the rich soil I deep-down believe they need in order to grow up big and strong, so they can go out as courageous adults and save the world while still feeling totally rested and loved because their childhood birthdays were so so so good.

And now it’s my birthday. And I am about to become a moving target for anyone trying to really love, know, or see me.  On other days, it’s so simple.  On my birthday, it’s so complicated. My expectations are erratic because I either change my mind about the actual thing or (really) change my mind about whether it’s ok to want the actual thing. I want to see every person I love and I also need to be alone. It is impossible to fit everything I’ve wanted to experience into one day so it’s tempting to do nothing at all. When asked directly what I do want to do for my birthday, my brain goes immediately blank. It’s nearly impossible for someone else to make me happy on my birthday.  Basically my heart hides behind a black-hole-of-need that eats every nice thing.***

But I have found that focusing on a few simple, active things makes my birthday way better. I’ve been trying this for a few years in different combinations and I think I’ve figured out a pretty good plan.

3 things to do to Celebrate My Birthday Well:

1. Write out everything I want for my birthday. Write it all out. Who do I want to see? What do I want to do? What presents do I wish I could have?  What do I wish my life was like right now?  This is not going to be an essay to impress the humbleness judges. This is flat-out confession. What do I want? I think we struggle some days because we are afraid to call out what we really desire. It doesn’t mean I will get a single thing, but that’s actually the point. It’s in the acknowledgement of my own needs that the toddler in me can relax and actually feel seen. Part of why I do not feel seen, despite other people’s efforts, is that I refuse to really see myself.  My desires and longings are a part of my core self.  The more I deny them, the louder and weirder they get in their expression. If I am willing to mirror them back with passion and compassion, I will relax. We need to diffuse the situation and mirroring works – with actual kids and with the kids inside ourselves.

Try this with your kids or yourself and it will help: Next time your 2-year-old is throwing a fit because you said NO to them about something like having a cookie, try mirroring back, with lots of passion: ex. “Cookie! Cookie! You want a cookie!” And see what happens. They will often nod and pause the fit they are throwing. Follow it up with a big wish like, “I wish we could have a castle made of cookies and eat them all.” Your toddler will relax and feel seen and your inner toddler will too.  (If you have kids and have not read Happiest Toddler on the Block, I really recommend it. It helps me parent my kids and myself!)

2. Give myself a present. After I write out all the things that I wish for my birthday, I will take the time to pinpoint something that feels really tender and vulnerable and important on that list. That thing, I will get/do for myself. Maybe it will be a visit to the beach to watch the sunset. Maybe it will be a pair of yoga pants. Maybe it will be 30 minutes of reading on the couch. I’ll pick one thing I can actually do for myself and stop waiting for someone else to do it – not out of reactive anger, but in preemptive love and gratitude for my own life.

3. Give Reverse Birthday Cards and Gifts. As I write out my birthday list of wishes, I will also write out a list of the people who have made my life better. My mom. My sister. My husband. My kids. A few friends. I will write out the names of the precious people I would grieve if they were not in my life … and I will TELL them that they matter to me. I will tell them how much I appreciate them and how glad I am that they are alive. I will give them a Reverse Birthday Card or present.

Reverse Birthday Cards

 

 Those are my first three steps. What do you do to celebrate your birthday? You probably do something really selfless like accept NO presents and just have everyone you know give to EXODUS ROAD or CHARITY WATER because they do good work. I could do that too. 🙂

 

-Nicole

 

 ***This does not mean you should not try to make my birthday special.  That would be a ridiculous conclusion. I’ve pretty much fixed all my problems and anything you do for me will be met with real gratitude. There will be explosions of joy. 

Posted in Healthy You, How Can I Help, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

How to Make Your Own Birthday Better

Posted by Nicole on January 10, 2015

There’s one surefire, tested and proven way to make your own birthday better.

Is your birthday ever hard for you? Do you find yourself moody, disappointed, excited, happy, tired, sad, or a nap magnet as your birthday gets closer?

Doesn’t it feel like birthdays not only make you brutally aware of your actual age, but ALSO bring up issues from previous ages? Did you feel lonely on your 8th birthday? Surprise! The 8-year-old-you is coming to visit on your 28th Birthday as you sit on the bathroom floor quietly singing, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.”

You know how in sci-fi movies about time-travel, one character will take a piece of paper and carefully fold it in pleats in order to explain to the newbie character, “See? THAT’S how it works. This point touches this point and you can just directly GO TO THERE.”  Well, birthdays are like that: the point in those pleats that lets you travel back in emotional time.

*****

It is almost my birthday.

Every birthday I find my blood pumping and giving me energy as I simultaneously long to climb in bed and hide til it’s over… I want to work like crazy to accomplish #allthethings and I also want to climb under my cozy nap blanket and wake up in a month… NOT just because I am getting older. No. No good comes from regretting my years. I have lived all of them to the best of my ability and I cannot deny living any of them. Each year adds to the patina of Me.  I am the age that I am.

No, I find my birthday difficult because my childhood ME comes to visit.

*****

I struggle with the level of influence and worth I have in the world. I do. I always will. It’s not something to solve like a puzzle anymore. It’s more like a tough yoga pose that I come back to and let work in me; causing a discomfort that opens and strengthens me if I can manage to breathe instead of shutting down.

I have always struggled with feeling like I mattered.

I remember sitting on the floor of my living room as a kid, on the orange carpet we pretended was lava. I would look around at my family – each doing their own thing – and get this sucking feeling in my stomach. It was like nausea but worse.

Its source, I finally figured out, was that I believed a strong, debilitating lie:

It did not matter that I was alive. Nothing was different with me in the world.

Of course, my mom and sister would disagree with that statement, but it felt so real and the desire to matter became a life-long black hole that I wrestle with to this day.

Most days I can be content and loving, but at my birthday, that black hole SUCKS.

*****

So, I started a tradition five years ago that has completely changed how I feel at my birthday. I want to share it with you.

If you struggle at all at your birthday…

This is the #1 thing I can recommend to make your own birthday better :

Write {Reverse} Birthday Cards. On your birthday, GIVE cards to the people in your life who matter to you. 

When we give, we finally gain a little distance from our own black-holes-of-need.

As I write each card, I remember how much that person matters to me and how much richer my life is because they are alive and in my life. This totally takes the focus off of me {my fears, expectations, disappointments} so I can relax and enjoy the life I have.

Actively loving other people, fills my own black hole of need!

Try it at your birthday or any time you feel that black-hole-of-need start opening in you. Giving to other people will be the best present you ever give to yourself.

Happy Birthday!

Reverse Birthday Cards

Posted in Healthy You, How Can I Help, Wonderful Wrestlings | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Forget the size of your body

Posted by Nicole on January 16, 2014

 

 

I am more and more convinced that we decide too early what we are worth and what we are capable of doing.  You are so much more able than you think. Our abilities are buried under layers of fear.  They are also buried under many hours of practice and routine; as each practice uncovers a bit more of the treasure already in you. 

Each hour of training is like being an archeologist as you uncover the clues and beautiful treasures that have been in you all along.

Start doing whatever it is you wish you could do. Write. Kiss. Sing. Build. Run.  You will uncover the ability to do it as you try.

Forget the size of your body. Remember the size of your guts.

Posted in Free Flying Faith, How Can I Help, Poetry | 12 Comments »

Celebrate the Great

Posted by Nicole on January 10, 2014

I just discovered the blog Happy Wives Club. I love Fawn’s positivity and pride in her marriage.  So, this post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! 

****

****

 

Never be ashamed or shy about what you love.

We all know it’s cool to be cynical, to hate things, to be down on things.

We all know there are people suffering all across the world.

We all have people we care about who are struggling and longing.

 

And sometimes we have the things they need.

 

You have a husband who loves you, a lot.

You have kids who light up your life like disco balls.

You have a job that inspires you most days.

You have pretty good health.

 

You have Something Great.

 

And you’re embarrassed.

 

Why are we shy about the good things in life?
Maybe, it’s time we celebrate the great.

Writing this ^^^^ is just painful, honestly. Admitting you are happy is like admitting you are probably a narcissistic, selfish, ignorant child. How could you possibly be happy? And if you are happy, how dare you flaunt it?

  

What does a {happy} person do, because the “pursuit of happiness” is an unalienable right, but the acquisition of happiness is a punishable crime?

 

Listen: You may feel absurd and childlike admitting you have a great marriage, family, job, etc… SO be it. Never be ashamed of the good in your life; this does not make life better for those who are hurting. This is an insult. Appreciate what you have because, the most valuable things, you cannot give away to anyone else. They are yours. Love it all for as long as you have it. A good friend will find a way to put up with ENJOY your happiness.

 

As much as you wish you could help in some way, you cannot give your kids to your best friend who struggles to get pregnant. This wouldn’t fill the hole in her heart. (Even if you secretly fantasize about it – just for a day – so you can take a nap and go to the bathroom by yourself.)

As much as you wish you could help in some way, you cannot give your husband to a lonely friend. (Please don’t do that.)  And, try not to talk badly about your husband to make a friend feel better, either. It’s tempting, but it hurts everyone in the long run.

As much as you wish you could help, you cannot feed or employ everyone in the world. At least not today.

It is a balancing act, for sure. We do not want to hurt people more by rubbing any happiness we’ve received in their faces. On the other hand, we do not want to ignore and bury the good in our lives. Some day it will be gone.  Things will change.  Do not spend the entire time you have something amazing, pretending it’s just aaiiight.

 

If you are lucky today. Roll with it.

 

Surprises and changes will come, and then it will be your turn to learn again how to let others be happy even when you can’t see the sun.  The world feels pretty dark. If those who have received something great and lovely keep pretending they haven’t, how will we know the light has come?  How will we keep hoping we will each have the light someday?

Everyone is pursuing happiness in some form: a partner, a job, kids, a best friend, finally a clean house, a body that works, a relationship with God that makes sense, a loving family and on and on and on — the desires and hopes and needs of the human race are immense.

 

****

If you are in a hard time right now, I’ve been there. Promoting celebration does not mean I don’t cry hard tears for the empty, broken pieces of me – and of you.  The ache in ours heart for things TO BE DIFFERENT physically hurts and each day hopes barely survive.  Thank you for coming here.  Feel free to yell at this post. Feel free to feel all the feelings, but please don’t give up on the light and on hope. Even the smallest bit of goodness can be celebrated.

****

 

Some ways to Celebrate the Great:

Be Generous: sharing our food, our homes, our money, and our time with people. This should be as natural as breathing. We get and we give. We get and we give. We invite and we share. We hug and we include.  Make room for friendship.

Be Sacrificial: giving more than we thought possible and finding that we still always have enough. Sacrifice is not natural. It is takes wisdom to know when sacrifice will help.   Make room for justice.

Be Grateful: holding with open hands and wild wonder all that we currently have. This is where we celebrate like puppies about to go for a walk. Look at your life?! Get excited. You have good stuff. Burying the good stuff serves absolutely no one. Share everything you can. Some things you can’t share or give away, so you better just love them and be grateful.  BUT Be gracious. It’s not a competition. Gloating ruins gratitude.  Make room for beauty.

 

Original Art by the endlessly creative Libby at LibbyDoodle

Original Art by the endlessly creative Libby at LibbyDoodle

(Libby celebrates the great in life – she celebrates so much that the earth can’t hold her joy. Check out her prints and original art HERE and her blog HERE)

Celebrate the great in your life! Dance with your kids holding flashlights before bed and laugh til you cry at the goodness in your life. Make out with your husband when he walks in the door. Kick butt at work and change the world. Eat a healthy meal. Go for a run and feel your strong lungs expand.  Make sure as many other people as possible see generosity and sacrifice and gratitude in YOU.

Live life to the fullest reaches it can go today. This is gratitude. Do not shrink back to make room for someone else’s sorrow. Do not be so busy weeping with those who weep that you forget how good your own life is now.

We can be so wrapped up in empathy that it becomes a straightjacket. Other people’s feelings surround us completely and we no longer know how to spread back to our own shape. Like foot bindings for our minds, we are formed by their lives more than our natural growth.

“Let’s stop saying “sorry about my awesome … self, success, husband, healthy kids, good job…”

Instead, let’s say “THANK YOU. This is a good season. I’m finding ways to celebrate it all.” To use the words of my brilliant doodling, space-exploring friend Libby, “Celebrate today for its simple joys and tiny miracles.”

Never be ashamed of what you love.  The more we celebrate, the more we will find to celebrate. And when you are happy and I am not, I will learn to put up with ENJOY your happiness. We will be a team. We will share the light and warmth as best we can.

We will celebrate the great!

 
It's ok to be happy.

It’s ok to be happy.

Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy HERE.

Follow www.1000strands.com on Bloglovin. I actually do love Bloglovin for keeping up with the good blogs I find.

 

Posted in Honest Home, How Can I Help | Tagged: , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Fight – Five Minute Friday

Posted by Nicole on January 3, 2014

FIGHT

There comes a moment when you realize YOU’RE the one who has been blind. You’re the one living out of old stories about how men and women should act. {OMG I’m the patriarchy.}

Women, we have sat on the sidelines and watched men fight, struggle, sweat, and bleed.  We cheer. We supply water and first aid. We nurture and we caress tired backs with our soft hands.

But it’s time to get in the game ourselves. It’s time to step into the arena and fight.

We will help each other side-by-side.

I don’t know your sport or your call but I know what it looks like when we avoid the invitation to play: We offer to hold the jackets. We sit alone on the sideline and watch others try and fail and fall and laugh and get back up. We walk back home together and our pants have no grass stains.

The men and the children play and the women watch. 

Not all the women do this, but I was doing this.  I knew I was choosing rest over adventure.  I was playing it safe. I was the safe zone for others.  “Mom’s not playing! Mom’s safe!” I cherish being the safe zone, at times.  I’ve loved wearing my cozy sweater and drinking coffee.  But my life is floating by me. I have opted out too many times.  I can feel my muscles growing weak and my desire to be saved growing strong.  I don’t know about you, but I want to feel strong. I want to speak up. I want to run as fast as I can. I want to volunteer for the adventure.

Like all the best things, this epiphany started as a seed in me {here} and then with lots of fertilizing words and experiences, it has grown from a beautiful thought into a call to action.

 

Three parts Story Sessions, One part Lean In, Two parts Brene Brown, a good swig of Scandal, and a dash of Frozen

=

Climb out of the tower yourself, grab a sword, and fight, Sister.

 

Find the inspiration you need and Fight, Sister. Women were not made to wrap themselves in ruffles and watch the action. Humans are made to fight.  We are heroes. We are gladiators.  Get in the game.  Fight.

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ― Brené Brown

If you are a {writer {blogger {lonely {free for five minutes on Fridays… I recommend Lisa Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday link up. It’s a really great way to meet other people online who are kind and intelligent. Come and see that we are not all snarky and mean when we type.

Posted in Honest Home, How Can I Help | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Advent Stories: Hookers, Heathens, and Me

Posted by Nicole on December 18, 2013

One week til Christmas. One week til we celebrate God being with us.  

For some people, their lives are so full of family and friends, hot chocolate and Christmas Lights, that the darkness is just a shadow in the corner or a fading streetlight down the road.  For others, this is a time where the darkness threatens to swallow them whole.

Light flaunts its warm power in the life of one and barely flicks the skin of another covered instead in cold, dark loneliness. 

Advent is the waiting. The waiting 100s of years for God to come and make things right. Waiting generations for triumph and light and love to flood the world.  Waiting for God to be with us – really with us. We need God with us.  God, who says He is Light and Love, and yet seems to leave us lonely and scared in dark places. 

God, are you avoiding me?
    Where are you when I need you? Psalm 10:1-2

 

Advent is the waiting. We have no choice. Reminded of our powerlessness against the speed of time, we wait.  We cannot save ourselves or our friends from the pain of waiting on God to BE WITH US. 

With Christmas comes the promise of a future where we are whole and full. Christmas is the promise that while the pain is still here, God is doing a new thing. He came down to sit in the dark with us.  

And this is what He also asked us to do for each other too. While we wait, we wait together.  I will wait with you. 

The light breaks through dark’s hard shell at the exact points we meet each other.  At the loving touch of a friend, a spark ignites. 

The spark that says we are going to make it. 

Every day this week, I will be posting a story or an essay on advent and waiting and God with us. 

Today’s first story is written by Melissa Hawks.  A friend I met through adventure and spontaneity. She knows how to tell a story and she knows how to find God in the dark.

This is a story of sitting in the dark and waiting together – seeing the sparks of God’s great love in our small acts of faith. 

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Hookers, Heathens, and Me by Melissa Hawks 

I left early that dark morning, stopping to get gas on my way. It was freezing and rainy as I stood next to the gas pump, tears threatening to spill over and mix with the drizzle. Standing on tiptoe to keep my too long yoga pants from soaking in the puddles, I was so lost in my own painful thoughts I almost didn’t hear her.

I was jerked from my inner turmoil when an “Excuse me,” escaped her chattering teeth. She was beautiful and had a black eye. A leopard print chiffon shirt bared her stomach, a tiny skirt, and platform heels to rival the ones I tend to wear covered the rest of her. Her blonde fro curled wildly in all directions and her eye make-up was smeared from tears she had cried. At the moment, mine was a mirror image.

“Can I pay you $10 to give me a ride to my car in the parking garage over there? I just got beat up really bad by the last guy I was with. I don’t mind riding in the backseat.” The pain in her eyes.

“Get in the car, girl, and don’t worry about paying me. A girl’s got to help a girl out.” I didn’t really put any thought into it. She was shivering and in pain. “Of course, I’ll drive you. And no, you’re not sitting in the backseat. Get up here in front.” I tossed my bags in the backseat and made room for her.

She climbed up into my Jeep and began to cry. “This man. He just started slamming my head into the TV. Why am I still here? Why am I still doing this? I need to go home. Back to San Jose.”

I was empty. Beyond empty. I was at the bottom of the pit called empty, broken open. All I could offer was this “Our choices, baby, we make them all by ourselves and we have to remember we are in control of our destiny. We have to choose better.”

Sitting in my car with a prostitute/hooker/call girl who had just been beaten up by a john, I’ve never felt more broken. There were no words to her about God. There was just an understanding about her brokenness because I was experiencing it myself.

I think that’s what love does in the face of broken. It doesn’t look away. It holds the face of pain in its hands and says “you’re not too much for me.”

She must have seen that deep pain in me too, because right before climbing out of the car she leaned over. In a cloud of perfume she hugged me and kissed my cheek. “We’re gonna make it, girl. We’re gonna be okay,” she whispered in my ear.

Some days we can only make one good choice in the midst of a dozen awful ones. Some days we can’t rescue someone else. Some days we can not even rescue ourselves. Instead redemption comes from the most unlikely of sources.

No promises that we’ll be unscathed or that we’ll come out whole on the other side. No false illusion covering the a fact that it’s a brutal and ugly process. Not even a pledge of some small beauty that awaits at the end.  Only one simple truth.

“We’re gonna make it.”

God speaks to me through hookers and heathens. Maybe because I am one.

 

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Melissa Hawks

Melissa Hawks is a curator of brand and story at Hawks & Rock. She is discovering what it means to write her own story and how God lives in the detours.For her personal brand of awkward, space geekyness, and inspiration follow her @melissahawks account  Branding wisdom can be found at her company’s twitter @hawksandrock and the Hawks & Rock website and blog can be found at hawksandrock.com.

Posted in Free Flying Faith, How Can I Help | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Hello Monsters, Poem

Posted by Nicole on September 11, 2013

When I was small

even smaller than this

all smiles, fine hair, and freckles.

I lived in a room with my little sis.

 

In that room was a window

looking out on an old maple tree bigger than God

whose leaves made me feel free enough to sing

at the top of my lungs.

 

But on the opposite side of my room hung a door

a wooden shutter, slatted and white

and that door haunted us every single night.

 

You remember those cracked closet doors,

that fear of childhood, right?

Well, mine was more evil than most

a shutter-door with one missing shingle

a pitch black rectangle of terror

waiting to host the glowing eyes of some child-eating monster

with a taste for freckles.

 

And with these thoughts, came FEAR.

Fear that freezes your bones

that makes your body turn to stone

on the inside but never enough on the outside.

Fear that takes today as ransom

for a kidnapped tomorrow that will never come home.

 

So after months of sleepless nights

I could not hide any longer.

I did the most courageous thing of my little life

I moved in with my monsters.

 

In a flurry of determination

I grabbed my pillows and blankets and books

a flashlight and my sister

and we moved into that dark closet.

 

Slept there every single night

and not ONE monster was ever brave enough to show His face.

 

This is when I learned:

Fear is a lion

that only backs down

when we stop acting like prey

and stand our ground.

 

But we do grow up

and the monsters

get darker and smarter

and the next thing we know

we are running much harder.

No longer daring to face down our fears but away

from the beasts who will swallow us whole

who make closets that scare our very souls.

Monsters: like betrayal, hair loss, loneliness, and grief

failure, sprained ankles, botched interviews, and spinach in our teeth

at just the worst times.

 

I am afraid of things changing.

I’m afraid they’ll stay the same.

of saying something stupid

of being the one to blame

 

of the pain that will come when I grow old

and the pain that will come if I don’t.

 

And so they chase and I run.

I survive but I have not won

the kind of life I’d hoped I’d earned

when I first faced my monsters.

 

And then I hear it

the sound of safety in my ears:

Fear is a lion

that only backs down

when we stop acting like prey

and stand our ground.

 

I hear a voice not my own say,

“You are not alone, child.

You never were.

Be still. Take heart.

Plant your feet on the ground.

At the sound of my voice know that you are free.

I am bigger than any tree.

Stand with me.”

 

And together we turn and face those beasts,

say, “Hello there monsters…

Either be my friend or eat me or get out of my way.

I have sunsets to see and a man to kiss

and I was made for so much more than this.

I’m taking back my tomorrows.

You don’t get my todays.

This is my one and only life.

I will not be anyone’s prey.

So, instead, I will stand my ground and say,

Hello there monsters. Let’s play.”

 

Watch a live performance:

[youtube id=”QxRi4PSHREI” width=”600″ height=”350″]

(God also wanted me to feel good about myself, this is an awesome frozen frame of me talking)

Tell fearful souls, “Courage! Take heart! God is here, right here, on his way to put things right And redress all wrongs. He’s on his way! He’ll save you!” Isaiah 35:4-10

 

Posted in How Can I Help, Poetry | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Courage and a Poem

Posted by Nicole on September 4, 2013

What have you done in your life that took courage?

This is what my boss asked us all in our staff meeting: What have you done that took courage?

Sitting there quietly, hands knitted together, making eye-contact so as not to seem distracted or weak; I let him finish and I listened as my friends and coworkers stood up to speak about skydiving, surviving strokes, having kids, traveling on missions trips, going to college… so many amazing things.

And while I can remember doing individually impressive things that took courage, the truth is… for me…

 

EVERYTHING TAKES COURAGE

Getting out of bed

Answering the phone

Calling AT&T

Singing when you can hear me

Talking to my neighbors

Admitting to really liking something

Going after my dreams

Parenting my girls

Creating from my heart

Everything

Calling AT&T takes as much courage as skydiving, for me.

But now, I have come to a place in life where I realize, I cannot take fear into consideration anymore – at least not anxiety, worry, insecurity. FEAR in it’s purest, most primal force, can save our lives. I am not talking about that kind of fear… I am talking about the insidious kind that takes us captive, binds us, so that we never grow in the direction of the sun.  We bend and warp to it’s controls. We never grow straight and strong. I don’t want that for me and I surely don’t want that for You or my daughters.

So remember today; the day this very scared person told you to be brave. DO IT AFRAID.

So remember today; the day this very courageous person told you to be brave. DO IT AFRAID.

This is why I wrote this poem, “Hello, Monsters”

[youtube id=”QxRi4PSHREI” width=”600″ height=”350″]

 

“Tell fearful souls,
    “Courage! Take heart!
God is here, right here.”

Isaiah 35:3

Posted in Free Flying Faith, How Can I Help, Poetry | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Jealousy Remedy

Posted by Nicole on June 28, 2013

www.ohsheglows.com

www.ohsheglows.com

 

The Interwebs of Jealousy.

The more active you become online the more overwhelming it can become. I look at Pinterest and the world of blogs and it sure seems like there’s a huge movement of women and men taking it upon themselves to be amazing.

Let’s take just one topic, for instance: FOOD

“Talented Girl’s” evening…
Organic, home-grown, or farmers-market-bought produce… fresh salads, home-made salad dressing… and for dessert she grinds up those almonds herself to make that almond butter and drizzle in dark chocolate made from local, small-farm ingredients. Oh, and, side-note, when she purchased the block of chocolate, she also somehow helped save starving children in Guatemala. She took crisp-focus pictures from multiple angles at every step of the process and put it all on Pinterest, Tweeted it, posted it on her Blog, and on Instagram too – ending with a beautiful picture of beautiful kids in a beautiful backyard under homemade bunting.

Oh, the foodporn! Oh, the earth-helping, child-saving glory!!

Delicious. Real food. Made from scratch with no processed ingredients. I am beyond jealous. Not only do I WANT the food in my mouth but I also want to have made it, grown it, taken such pretty pictures of my creation that others pin it repeatedly, and written eloquently about it all so someone else (NOT ME) could be jealous.

 

well…

I guess I could take pictures of the Trader Joe’s Orange Chicken we ate last night. I could take a picture as I pull it out of the TJs freezer it grew in. I could talk about how the cold bag kept my ice cream from melting in the car. I could take extreme close-ups with my phone as I rip open the bag with my bare hands and each little chunk of beige chicken cascades onto the cookie sheet.

I could write about my children and how they most enjoy jumping up and slapping their tiny butts during dinner, rather than posing under homemade chevron-covered flags and bunting…. the four-year-old yelling things like, “Oh, Sexy Boy!!” “Boooty!” (#motheroftheyear)

But, that’s only impressive to a select group of people.

**********

How does a regular person compete with all the genius going on online? Because it is in EVERY area of life. It is organization, business savvy, branding, art, children, spirituality, fitness, and everything else anyone can become a genius at.

Before all of this, we each lived with the nagging thought that we might not be the “best.” I might not be good enough. We had an inkling that there was probably someone smarter and better out there doing what we try to do.

But Now… Now, we can find concrete evidence of our mediocrity within minutes.

Right now, I literally have 10 tabs open in my browser of blogs and things I think are awesome.

Here’s some:

http://sarahbessey.com/

http://squeeinc.com/

http://ohsheglows.com/

http://eloranicole.com/

http://catalogliving.net/

http://www.aholyexperience.com/

http://www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

http://www.sevenly.org

And that’s just to name a few.  I am overwhelmed by the giftedness of the human race. People want to help each other. People write about what matters to them. People create, laugh, eat, strategize, build, write and share. People are amazing, brave & creative.

 

And

I

am

jealous.

Not just a little

a lot.

 

Wrestling with jealousy is like hitting yourself in the face and expecting to feel so much better.

 

I do not feel better. I see your brilliance and I feel small.

So, how do I deal with it?

 

I could drink and laugh and fall asleep… which is tempting but overdone. OR (and this is a challenging OR)

When I fall into this whirlwind of my needs and desire, I could ask them hard questions like I know I should…

 

Why am I jealous? What am I missing or falsely believing…

Because if the things I wrote and created were LIKED by more people, then would I feel like my life was well-spent?

Because I am unsure?

Because I want to make a BIG difference in people’s lives?

Because I hope my life helps people see God?

Because what is the point of working or striving or caring unless it reaches lots of people?

Because there is a heat that drives me to write and create but it’s not the same if no one knows I’m doing it?

Because I want to connect?

 

And now, I must FACE THE FEARS…

The scary things chase me and I run.

Must. Turn around. And face the scary things. Face them down. Call them out of the darkness and into the light.

 

MONSTER: So, what if you write and no one ever cares? If no one reads your writings, was it worth leaving your kids for the evening? … Worth their questions of, “Why can’t you just stay home? Can’t you work next to me here? Don’t leave me!”

When I face a monster, the hero in me must stand up….

HERO:  Listen, can you believe in a God who values the sparrow no human ever sees or cares about? And let it be enough for you?  Can you live your life – passionately and honestly – as an offering to your Creator, no matter who else ever sees?  Can you listen to your passions and act?

 

Can I be God’s sparrow?

Building nests.

Chirping to myself and the air

Flying! A miracle no one may ever see

But a miracle meant for me and my Creator.

 

Flying with my God…

My, God! How I missed it!

I am flying. And I’m missing the miracle. When you are FLYING, who cares if anyone else sees!?!

 

It is incredibly challenging to enjoy the genius of others and still allow our own lives to matter – for a creator and artist, especially. But flying is flying and I cannot let myself or anyone who happens upon this little collection of words to waste another day.  At the end of this era of my life, when I am older and my abilities have changed, I never want to look back and remember how wasted my wings were. 

It all matters. Everything we create, everything we do, every word we say to ourselves and another human being …. the sparrow’s morning flight and mine.

Dear Friend! Whatever is holding you back, the idea that lots of other people are already doing what you might want to be doing… who cares?  No bird sees others up in the sky and thinks, “Oh well, someone got there first.”  Other birds flying do not diminish your own miracle.

If you want to fly, FLY. There is room in the sky.

Fly in the sky

 

-Nicole

For more on motivation, community, inspiration, jealousy, struggles — all the good stuff that goes along with creating and dreaming.
Check out these previous posts…

A Cold Cup of Water

Create for the One

Girl in the Windbox

Posted in Free Flying Faith, How Can I Help | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

A Cold Cup of Water (maybe with some fruit?)

Posted by Nicole on June 25, 2013

 

Have you ever wandered into a desert-time in your life?

If you are like me, it happened slowly; so slowly you didn’t notice the landscape growing more and more arid. One day you looked up, confused, wondering where you were and suddenly feeling very alone, very vulnerable, and very thirsty.

A glass of cool water on a hot day is like pure life soaking back into your cells. Dehydration can kill a girl. Steal her voice. Make her weak.

This entire year, I have been dying of thirst in my own desert-time. My throat parched and scratchy, I wandered, a little lost and a little plain-old sad, not knowing what to do next but knowing I couldn’t survive on my own any longer.

I’m a speaker and a writer and my throat got so dry that I simply lost my voice. I don’t mean literally, I could still speak if I had to, barely, but the words that mattered could no longer get out of me. Fear and confusion gripped my heart.

Then I heard it, a voice calling out offering fresh water! Water in the form of possible guidance and community for a career I longed to pursue with renewed passion.

I followed that voice with every ounce of strength and bravery I had left.

And I made it. I made it.

When I arrived, I didn’t just find a glass of water from a new friend, I fell into a river.

I fell into a river of hope, support, love, prayer, acceptance and power – an entire tribe of thirsty women wetting their whistles, finding their voices, and learning to sing again.

That strong, clear voice calling me to the river belonged to a woman named, Elora Nicole. A writer and a woman of valor, Elora reached out with her friendship and her Story Unfolding community & online classes. Elora builds community and platforms for other women to stand on. She introduced me to like-minded people and reintroduced me to my own abilities and strength. She gave me not just a cup of cold water but a living river, by reminding me that I have a source of water and life to offer the world AND THE WORLD NEEDS IT.

You have a source of water and life to offer and the world needs it! You are needed in the world.

**********

One of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had occurred during a high school drama field trip. No, not that kind of “beautiful experience” – stay with me, here.

We all sat in a room, at least 300 of us. The class was on “using your voice.” Once we were all seated, the instructor asked us to each take a deep, deep breath. Hold it. Hold it. Then, let it out with whatever note our body naturally chose. As 300 people breathed in unison and then allowed their voices to harmonize instinctually as the air escaped back into the atmosphere, the sound was electric. The walls vibrated. Our bones shook; not because it was loud, but because it was right. It was just right to hear everyone together.

All of us singing together, this is what the world needs.

We cannot sing when we are scared and thirsty and wandering the desert, but once we find water and wet our parched throats, we must share.

We must share our water so that others can sing too.

It is right to hear everyone singing together.

Elora’s favorite commands to her story classes include SING LOUDER and KEEP SINGING. Every time I read those words, that old Sesame Street song pops into my head.

Sing

Sing a song

Make it simple

To last your whole life long

Don’t worry that it’s not good enough

For anyone else to hear

Sing

Sing a song

–Sesame Street

 

Are you questioning your voice and song? Or to put it another way, are you questioning your purpose, value and career?

Please take this glass of water and hydrate, Friend.

You are a completely necessary part of the world. Your voice matters in the big, giant scheme of things. Ten people may run past your glass of water. You may start to feel useless and annoying, calling out to the thirsty and reaching out with your cup. But, don’t give up. I am so grateful Elora didn’t give up before I heard her voice.

You matter but there is no rush, when you are ready and hydrated yourself, stand up and hold out a glass for the next girl. (Get on here and write a post for Leona!)

Elora and all of the women I now pray, cheer, laugh, cry, and sing with everyday through the Story Unfolding community don’t give up on me. When I am thirsty and have lost my way, there is always a hand with a cup of water just waiting for me.

I now hold out a cold glass until someone else needs it. If my arm gets tired, if 100 people run on by, I keep holding out my cup until someone takes it, because the one woman who eventually drinks … it could save her life.

Do you know what you really offer someone when you hand them water? You offer them a moment when someone thought they were worth keeping alive. With each glass of water, you save a life. Don’t worry about the 10s who don’t need your water, focus on the ones who desperately do.

Listen to your calling and pursue it with everything you’ve got. There is someone like me and like you, who desperately needs your exact cup of water. Don’t give up until they get a nice, cold drink.

-Nicole

 

***This post is part of a series over at Leona Laurie’s place. “Cold Cups of Water” are essays from women about moments in their lives when another woman offered a “cup of cold water” that saved them or changed their lives or helped them progress to the next level– or when they did the same for someone else. This series documents the value and importance of taking the risk and speaking up about what you have to offer.***  CHECK IT OUT HERE!

Elora Nicole is a story teller and all-around champion of women and writers. Go to http://thestoryunfolding.com to find out more about her online community and classes. You can also find her at www.eloranicole.com

 

Posted in How Can I Help, Wonderful Wrestlings | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

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