1000 Strands

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Archive for October, 2013

Learning New Things

Posted by Nicole on October 21, 2013

Do you hate learning new things in front of people? I do. A lot.

I haven’t learned to ballroom dance because I do not want my husband to see me “learning” to ballroom dance. Until I try in front of him, I can keep the mysterious question going…  “is Nicole an awesome, naturally-gifted ballroom dancer?? Could be!!”

… I am settling for that.

A few years ago, we went on a cruise with a large group of friends. One night, we went to the karaoke bar. Now, I love singing when no one can hear me: loud concerts, the shower, my car. But, singing karaoke in front of people – especially friends with whom I work and will continue to see regularly…? Nope. No way. I actually remember saying the words, “I like what you currently think of me. There’s no way I am messing that up by singing in front of you.”

“I like what you currently think of me.” 

 

I am more comfortable with the
potential of being awesome than living the
struggle of becoming awesome.

*****

Before we get to all the life-lessons I should have learned by now, let’s talk truth for a second:

We are judgmental as people. Every single day, I hear people whisper critiques and make decisions about each other. Oh, he’s not great at this. She’s not ready for that.  I, myself, have seen someone try something and thought, oh. That was not very impressive.

We make decisions and categorize each other’s abilities.  And, then, as opportunities arise – both professionally and personally – we decide who is allowed to participate. Who is good enough?

Entire TV channels are built on this, this “making or not making the cut.”  You mess up once and you are out. Passion doesn’t matter unless you impress us. Perseverance is actually pitiable when you are not really that good.

This system is what makes some of us sing only in the shower and dance only when the door is locked tight.

I am so scared of not being allowed to participate, that I choose not to participate. I opt myself out before anyone else can cut me from the list.

But this hurts and limits me (you too??) in any attempt to reach goals or actually learn the best skills in life – the skills and arts that could free us and make us feel most alive.

I want to stop living in my potential and start training in the actual. Otherwise, I will spend my life dancing behind locked doors and burying my voice in the noise.

Can we each believe that as long as we are trying, we are succeeding?  Is that possible?

Can we find the bravery to stop settling for potential and start grabbing hold of actual?  Can we value the ACTUAL above the POTENTIAL, no matter what the outcome?

*****

Posted in Free Flying Faith, Wonderful Wrestlings | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

When We Were On Fire

Posted by Nicole on October 17, 2013

If you’ve read this blog since it’s inception, you know I am a woman of open and hopeful and thrashing faith. I believe in a big God who loves each individual… but that belief is a wrestling I do fresh every day. Like Jacob in Genesis, I wrestle and prevail, and like Jacob, I am constantly finding God in new places – finding Him Even Here.  I met Jesus by name in a youth group when I was 14.  This entry is a poetic remembering of that time as part of Addie Zierman’s synchroblog in honor of her beautiful new book:

When We Were On Fire.

 

We ran through fields and over chain-linked fences to escape the hands of the enemy, in practice for the rapture. Dropped off in the middle of the hills and left to find our way back to the school auditorium, we feared Jesus would someday leave us behind because we didn’t truly believe.

*

We sang at the top of our lungs with Joel Weldon at Hume Lake. We sang of love and hope and a Jesus who was everything. We knelt and sang quietly, trying to find the perfect pitch so Jesus would know we were worth loving… and so the boys next to us would too.

*

We piled in vans and went to outdoor festivals to rock for God. When we were on fire, we could do anything for God! We moshed for God. We bought tshirts for God. We floated on crowds who lifted us up on their hands – 1000s of hands lifting us up so we could be closer to God, voices of love and cheering and camaraderie.

*

We held hands and vowed to give our very bodies to God and only God, no matter what it took. And some of us kept our promises to ourselves and to God while some of us made babies… ones we kept and ones we did not.

*

When were were on fire, we shaped our gold into a god in the refining flames – A shape to worship that made sense and we could hold, until, in a fit of tears, we would melt our golden god down; reshaping Him again and again.

*

We will always be grateful for the days we were on fire, to know we can melt, that at one time we were not too cold or too far to be reached by Love – a love bigger than our confusion and much much bigger than our idols.

*

AND to know we can be on fire again, but this time we will keep the doors wide open; avoid the backdraft and explosions that happen when we try to control the fire.

 synchroblog-photohome_uk

Posted in Free Flying Faith | Tagged: , , , , , | 19 Comments »

Definitions

Posted by Nicole on October 16, 2013

What is that called? What is that for?

It’s a fork and we use it to eat.

How do you know that?

We accept a lot of definitions, but how do we  know for sure? What we believe defines how we will act and behave and LIVE.  I’m using “FORK” as an example…

I know it’s a fork because someone told me. Our parents and our parents’ parents all agreed on this word and this function. This is cultural knowledge passed down without question: It’s a fork and we use it to eat.  

 

Have you seen the The Little Mermaid. My sister and I loved that movie growing up.  I can sing it by heart. It’s where my weird fork example comes from. 

Do you remember the scene about the fork?

Ariel, the mermaid, is told by a friend that a fork is called a “dinglehopper” and it’s used to comb hair.  Ariel believes this friend knows how the world works and trusts his definition.  If you say it’s a dinglehopper and everyone uses it to comb hair, awesome! Combing away… 

But, see, it’s a funny scene to us because we know the truth. We KNOW that’s NOT how you use that. That’s NOT what that’s for! That’s a fork! That’s hilarious! Crazy mermaid!

But she doesn’t know. She only knows what she’s been taught to believe. This is a dinglehopper… this is what that’s for… combing away…

She had misinformation.

 

My cousin babysat my toddler girl and taught her a fabulous new “rule” about life, “If you want to get something from your mom, just use the magic word! It’s the best way to have mommy get you what you want.  And the magic word is – “NOW”.

‘Mommy, ice water, Now!’

‘Mommy, can I watch a show, Now?!’

‘Now, get me my blanket!’

That sweet babe THOUGHT she was doing the right thing. But, all it did was make me burn with great vengeance and furious anger. “Heck no!”

She had misinformation.

So, I had to reteach her the real magic word; the one that strikes a generous, true, loving reaction in me… And it is of course, “Beautiful.”

“Beautiful, can I watch a show?”  yep, sure can!

 

We have misinformation in much more profound ways than how to use a fork (although I do think using “beautiful” as a magic word will do wonders).  We think we know all about beauty, food, sex, God… we think we know the realities of life. And they’re depressing for most of us! They suck, honestly.  

How many people do you know who are struggling – not only within work and money and relationships but within their hearts – truly struggling?  Often it’s because the definitions we are working with exclude US. I am not “beautiful”.  I’m not “sexy”. I’m not “successful”.

We cannot reconcile the messages and definitions we are getting about how life is supposed to be… how WE are supposed to be…  

Sometimes there is a hint within us that our working definitions are incorrect – questioning the established rules. (Ariel questioned her information too.)  We feel some hazy doubt about the way life is presented to us. On and off there’s a sense in each of us… is that REALLY the truth? This doesn’t feel quite right but we don’t question often or deep enough to change our beliefs…

Episodes of Scandal call to us, grocery shopping or crying kids demand our attention, or Pinterest’s seductive ways distract us really well and we stop questioning. 

We stop questioning, but the problem is that we are left with definitions that tear us apart.

What is beautiful? Who is qualified to be sexy or worthy of having amazing sex?  What is a Christian?

Today, I want to question my beliefs. Especially of the definitions causing me discomfort and pain.

Why do I believe this to be true?

Is there another way to look at this?

I can use a “dinglehopper” to comb my hair, but it is really better suited as a fork. They are actually quite sharp. 

I feel the same way about how I use those words: beautiful, sexy, christian…  Those words are really quite sharp and I need to constantly rethink how I use them – both on myself and with others.

If I am poking myself in the head with a sharp definition, perhaps it’s time to rethink how I am using it.

What if you believed you were beautiful?

What if you believed your life mattered?

What if you believed great sex was possible?

What if you believed you could overcome fear?

What if we changed our definitions?  In very practical ways, what if you chose to believe that your hair IS beautiful and you don’t need another bottle of shampoo?  What if you chose to believe that you are sexy and don’t need to hide under the covers or wrap a towel around yourself to hide the “bad” parts?

Imagine, just for a moment, that you had never seen anyone else ever having sex. Now, don’t get all shy, if you can use the internet I am pretty sure you have at some point seen someone else at least pretending to have sex. Just seeing them in these images has changed your definition of who gets to have sex, what it should look like, what the woman does and what her body looks like, what the man is supposed to do… etc.

Note: Someone else made that movie or picture; They chose an image or actor based on their tastes.

Imagine you didn’t have to measure up to someone else’s definition of sexy – and you could just BE it.

Imagine you didn’t have to measure up to someone else’s definition of beautiful and you could just BE it.

How would it change your life?

 -Nicole

 

 

 

 

Posted in Beauty SOS47, Wonderful Wrestlings | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Tonight I Can (a quick and honest thought on sex in marriage)

Posted by Nicole on October 4, 2013

LOVE and MAKING IT is a new series on sex and marriage, bodies and souls. It will be candid and sometimes messy.  It’s not just about having a great sex life; it’s about having a great body life. I want one of those.  Read at your own risk.

An Honest Prayer About Sex in Marriage

Tonight

I cannot shave

I cannot be thinner

I cannot grow or shrink my breasts

I cannot learn to dance on a lap or on a pole

I cannot be anything but me

But I can be brave and I can smile

I can kiss and I can love

I can move toward you instead of away

I can stop disqualifying myself from fun

For tonight I will to let you love me as I am in this very instant

not as I will be tomorrow or was yesterday

I can forget my age, weight, rules and responsibilities

I can decide to play for just a night with the love of my life

Tonight I can

 

 

(Addition: I sent this to my husband for his privacy-release, and his comment just made me laugh. “also, rereading your post… I get all the other things you can’t do by tonight… but why can’t you shave? That seems doable.”  yep, seems doable. I agree. but sometimes, it’s just not.)

 

An honest prayer about sex in marriage by Nicole Romero at 1000strands.com

Posted in Love and Making It | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »