Posts Tagged ‘Love’
Prayer for Love
Posted by Nicole on October 9, 2015
A prayer for love and seeing. Of black cats and clean forks. A life full of Body full of Soul.
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Take a moment to notice your surroundings. Relax your jaw and your tongue. Feel the earth support your weight. Feel God support your spirit.
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God, when I sit in this room, I can feel both alone and the opposite of alone.
I can be aware of the table and my coffee. I can feel the air moving in and out to my nose. There is a chair beneath me and a black cat walking back and forth around us all. My fingers still feel wet from washing breakfast dishes.
I can choose to be aware of sensations. And in the choosing they are either a nuisance or a wonder.
I can choose to be aware of You, too: The I Am, The Presence. The One who is always here. I can choose to feel you in the air and in my bones.
God, when I sit in this room, I can feel both alone and the opposite of alone.
I can choose to see you as separate from me. In this way, you are here and yet different from the “Me” I know. You are a loving relationship that requires space between us. I pray and you come. I request and you give.
I can also choose to see you as essentially IN me. In this way, you are here as surely as I am here. You are a loving Presence in my cells that requires the connection with my own mind. Here, to love myself is to be loved by you. Here, to accept the body I am in, is to accept that this body is Us. Here, to pray for peace is to know that the peace is here waiting to be accepted already in my guts. To ask you to be with me would be like asking myself to go hang out sometime. You are here. You are more here in and with me and available to me than my own thoughts and emotions and needs. You are the beautiful, quiet option that I don’t always know how to pick.
Jesus, I have no choice but to believe you are here in whichever way I manage to choose. You are. YHWH – Presence.
Your bible is confusing. Your people are a mess. And yet, impossible as it seems, as real as this table or the lungs in my chest, You are here.
Sometimes I think you just want to be noticed. To be witnessed. I recognize the need in me to be noticed and I wonder if this is part of your image in me now – something holy.
I see You. In the trees. Bursting sap. Falling pinecones. Strong branches with kids hanging off them.
I see You. In the blue sky. Endless whispers. Wind from the atmosphere’s edges all the way down to my face.
I see You. In the people. Hand-holding. Laughter so hard they can’t open their eyes. A sudden embrace.
I see You. In me. Skin upon blood, ligaments, muscles and bones. A heart that beats. A body that breathes. Hopes. Loves. Pain.
I see You in this body you made to fit this soul just right.
Sometimes love is just choosing to see.
Read more of the Body full of Soul series HERE!
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Write 31 Days | Tagged: God, Love, prayer, self care | 1 Comment »
Imagination and Kissing
Posted by Nicole on October 3, 2015
We cannot force ourselves back to life all at once like a sudden combustion, but we are never past hope. The wick is still in your heart. You can burn with passion again.
*****
Force of will
turns nothing on.
Candles are lit
like women.
With fire
and focus
and melting.
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It’s that magic combination of body and soul that comes with focused attention, but the soul must be included.
“There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don’t work.”
-Anais Nin
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Keep up with the entire Body full of Soul Series HERE.
We are talking about reuniting our bodies and souls and finding the passion kindled when we do.
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It, Write 31 Days | Tagged: Anais Nin, Love, love and making it | 1 Comment »
Write 31 Days 2015
Posted by Nicole on October 1, 2015
Hi Friends! Welcome.
Take a slow, deep breath.
Count to 4 as you inhale.
Hold all that breath in your lungs as you count to 4 again.
Then, when you are ready, breathe out slowly and fully.
*****
Welcome to this space. It is as much yours as it is mine. May it be a rest when you need it + a kick in the butt when you need that too. All these tiny pixels, created by fingers on keys, mean something to me + I hope they mean something in your life too.
We will talk about bodies + souls here. We will talk about love + making it. I am a pastor, speaker, writer, and a sex educator.
So, now that I’ve made every possible person slightly uncomfortable, let’s see what good we can do in this uncharted territory. Please proceed wisely and know your own boundaries. love, Nicole
*****
Body full of Soul is a series inspired by the annual Write 31 Days venture.
Everything is Connected. We are whole beings and it matters what you do with your body and how you think about your body.
Let’s set aside a little time each day in October to give attention to the miracle of being human. We are made of stardust and the breath of God, after all.
All of the essays + pictures + sensual delights
will line up here for your attention.
ESSAYS + GOODNESS
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C.S. Lewis Said Something – on having and being
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Touch Me, Please, So You Can Touch Me – on angels and animals
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Imagination and Kissing – Anais Nin and me
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Good Night’s Sleep – relaxing
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Pique Your Curiosity – on Parker Palmer and the wildness of your soul
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Prayer for Love – seeing with new eyes and closeness of heart
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Life is a Freakin Miracle – presence and a Bible reading just for you
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Get Over It – let’s be brave and let’s make changes
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Glass Half Full – but that glas, though
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Loving Yourself – it takes a triangle. Part 1.
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Broken Bowls and Homes for Souls – melodrama and broken dishes
“You are pure soul and made of the ground.” – Rumi
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It, Write 31 Days | Tagged: body, health, Love, Write31Days | 1 Comment »
Quickie 3
Posted by Nicole on May 14, 2015
quick thoughts…to help you get in the mood for love…
Warning:
Hugging Causes Love
*****
Stand close to me.
Closer.
Wrap your living arms around me
and I’ll wrap mine around you.
Until our torsos press together so soundly
that our hearts can whisper in each others ears.
Hug me til I’m real,
til the day releases me into your custody.
Even the monks do it.
They say it causes love
forgiveness too.
We are both here,
maybe we should try it.
*****
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It | Tagged: hug, Love, monks, quickie | Leave a Comment »
Quickie 2
Posted by Nicole on May 12, 2015
quickie thought #2… talking to myself again…
Your fat cells cannot keep the love out.
Love penetrates.
You, my Darling, act like fat destroys Love –
like Love will disintegrate upon contact.
How weak and fragile you imagine It.
Love knows no destruction, fear, or preference
for which kinds of cells it touches.
As long as those cells carry the distinct signature inside
that reads, “You” … then they are each perfect.
Previous Quickie Thoughts to help you get in the mood for love.
Posted in Beauty SOS47, Love and Making It | Tagged: fat, hope, Love, quickie | Leave a Comment »
Start coloring with 50 Shades of Grey
Posted by Nicole on February 13, 2015
I write and speak on the topic of sex. I want to be careful with the trust you have given me on this subject. I will not tell you whether you should see 50 Shades of Grey since I haven’t seen the movie yet. Only you know what is beneficial for YOU … but hopefully this will help you cultivate freedom and beauty in your own life either way.
Here’s what I learned from reading the Fifty Shades of Grey books:
I had limited my own creativity. Most of the actual activities within the book were not appealing to me BUT a few were, and more importantly it got me thinking about how artistic and creative someone can be within their make-out sessions.
Texture.
Music.
Surprise.
Sensation.
Voicing what you want.
Clear boundaries and room to play within those rules.
Rather than giving thought to whether the movie should exist or if it will literally destroy a generation, give thought to your own story. You do not need to save the world. How about we first save ourselves?
Does your body need your attention? Does your spouse’s body need your attention?
Fifty Shades of Grey gives a lot of attention to bodies. This is another thing I learned: It is especially important for those of us who’ve struggled with bodies being GOOD and BEAUTIFUL and perfectly made by a GOD YOU LOVES YOUR BODY — to intentionally focus your own loving attention on your body.
Where have you been limited in your thinking about your body?
Where have you settled for “mediocre” in making love?
Is sex an obligation? Is it something you do to make babies? Is it something you do for attention?
How do you move? Could you move differently?
What is your sensory experience? Could you add anything? Smells? Tastes? Varied movements? Music?
Within the healthy boundaries of your own life, how could you play?
Life is full of art. We create a masterpiece within each day by how we live. It’s easy to think of creativity starting in our heads and moving out into the items we create: blog posts, paintings, photographs, meals … BUT do not forget that your own body needs to creatively express itself. Embodiment is healthy. Have you seen a toddler dance lately? Dear Lord, they are art in motion.
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If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that I believe in my bones that EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED. Rather than seeing 50 Shades of Grey, spend some time looking at art and thinking about sex. You will get the benefits without the complications of the movie.
How do the paintings and photographs communicate movement or texture?
How could your body express your feelings?
Imagine what you could do.
Why does Fifty Shades turn women on? We could debate the intricacies, but most of all, it’s because it makes women actually THINK about sex as pleasurable and creative. Thinking about new possibilities {in bed} will turn you on.
So, here’s my collection of Fifty Shades of Grey inspiration for you. ENJOY!
(want more inspiration for a healthy | brave | beautiful lovelife?
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Paul Jenkins, Lateral Crossing (2007) | 1000strands.com | Shades of Grey
Grey Ocean | 1000strands.com | Fifty Shades of Grey | Found at http://busybeingfabulous.com/2011/04/side-by-side-the-beauty-of-blacks-and-whites/
By Mark Tobey | Found at http://wowgreat.tumblr.com/post/16574960081/mark-tobey
Caught Leaf by James R. Paige | Found at https://www.flickr.com/photos/pageworld/5120795449/
Found at http://www.designlovefest.com/2014/03/mint-mocha-shake-recipe/
Found at http://busybeingfabulous.com/2011/04/side-by-side-the-beauty-of-blacks-and-whites/
Found at http://intsight.tumblr.com/
Found at http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/brooks-shane-salzwedel
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Posted in Love and Making It | Tagged: art, Fifty Shades of Grey, Love, love and making it, sex | Leave a Comment »
How to have a soulmate
Posted by Nicole on February 12, 2015
Lately, it has been very cool to say that your husband is not your soulmate.
My Husband is not my soulmate – like here
My Husband is not my soulmate – or here
And I get it. It feels good to be strong and independent and logical.
“I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings.”
These women are breaking through the myth that there is one, magical person who is your other half and who will make your life complete. This is a lie. No human is going to make your life complete. Any human you know deeply and intimately will make your life crazy, confusing, tiring, hilarious, and worthwhile… but not perfect or even complete. Life is not complete for more than fleeting moments, unless you are dead. If you feel complete for more than about 60 minutes at a time, you are probably dead and should ask someone if they can see you.
But, soulmates are real and not believing in them will rob you of the best a marriage can be. You can have a soulmate. You can marry your soulmate. It is possible.
Do you want to know how to marry your soulmate?
Mate your soul to the person you marry.
Mate your soul to the person you marry and they will be your soulmate.
MATE: Join together; connect mechanically.
Join your soul together with your spouse and your souls become “soulmates.”
The miracle of real soulmates is not that they found each other and complete each other. The miracle is not the fairytale of twinkly eyes gazing across a crowded room and falling in love. That’s the easy part. The miracle is two people with initial chemistry and attraction, each deciding to choose into being soulmates for thousands + thousands of hours. Over and over again, BOTH people choose to be grateful, interested, affectionate, focused, and forgiving. THIS is how soulmates are made and kept.
SOULMATES
Soulmates are a miracle because BOTH people are in it at the same time and with complimentary intensity. They are both grateful for each other and their relationship. They are both interested in life and in each others lives. They share. They are affectionate and love each others bodies as well as their souls. They are forgiving and able to keep the goal of connection above any disappointments or hurt.
Both people. Miracle.
You will not feel like soulmates if only one of you is doing this. It takes two to mate.
So, how do you mate your soul with your spouse’s soul?
Be Grateful, Interested, Affectionate, and Forgiving.
1. Grateful. Who knows what tomorrow holds? Choose gratitude today. You’ll know you’ve chosen to be grateful by your tone of voice and that delicate balance between enjoying what you have and knowing it could be gone at any time. If you are sassy, cold, or gruff, you are probably not grateful.
2. Interested. Be genuinely interested in your spouse’s passions and life. Share what you read. Share activities. Share stories. Listen well. Be INTO him. Be INTO her. Keep developing a taste for what the other loves. Make eye contact in the midst of sharing a moment and you will feel like soulmates.
3. Affectionate. Touch each other in tenderness and attention. Notice when her hand rests on your leg. Notice when his hand is on your back. Notice and be aware of your bodies near each other. Make a big deal of small caresses – pretend you are 12-years-old and remember how much each brush of skin MATTERED to you. Let it matter.
4. Forgive. When you are not acting like soulmates, forgive. When you are frustrated or disappointed, voice it kindly and then forgive. Voice problems in love and without blame, and then forgive. This is how you stay soulmates.
If you can BOTH be grateful, interested, affectionate, and forgiving… you will have your soulmate.
A soulmate is different than a life partner or spouse in one important way. When we totally stop believing in soulmates, we are really choosing to keep some of our separateness & independence… to keep some of your soul safe from the other person. You know someone is your soulmate because they can crush you. It matters to you if they love you. It matters when they call. It matters, not because it completes you, but because you have let yourself need someone. You are vulnerable. You’ve made space in your life for the connection. We can sit side by side and be partners, but mates are intertwined and connected.
You are allowing that person to be a part of your heart and soul. It is a huge responsibility and honor. When you get married, you are not independent. Your finances, bodies, relationships, time, everything is intertwined.
This is terrifying and many people end up mating with someone who does not hold up their end of the bargain to be Grateful, Interested, Affectionate, and Forgiving. Right now, if you are in a relationship and you are doing these things and they are not… it hurts. It hurts because your soul wants a mate and doesn’t have one right now. We all want the connection of mutually being in the moment together. It’s ok that it hurts; it means it matters. Your soul wants a mate.
Let your spouse matter to you and take the risk. Talk about this with them. Talk about how you could cultivate gratitude, interest, affection and forgiveness. And don’t forget to LOOK at each other and TOUCH each other like you LIKE touching – her soul is in that body…his soul is in that body.
You can have that soulmate experience. True love frustrates us because we will always live in the tension between our ideals and our realities, this does not mean we stop trying…this just means we learn to laugh and forgive and kiss even when it’s hard.
Stop searching for a soulmate and start acting like one.
Photography by Kelly Brown
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Posted in Honest Home, Love and Making It | Tagged: Love, marriage, soulmates | Leave a Comment »
Just Do It
Posted by Nicole on October 9, 2014
If you love your husband but just can’t find the motivation or desire to have sex or initiate sex, this is the most practical help I can give:
Just Do It
I know it’s not romantic. I know it’s not ideal.
We want passion and an irresistible magnetic pull towards the love of our lives, but we do not live in Outlander or Twilight or 50 Shades. No one is writing our romance for us – in OUR lives. We have to do the work of making time to love our spouse with not just our minds but our bodies too.
Many of us spend all day basically in our heads. Our bodies serve to carry our brains around and not much else (except to eat Chipotle! Thank you, mouth!). I mean, we work hard but we do not move our bodies for pleasure or mastery of movement.
This causes a disconnect between our minds and our bodies in that we are not accustomed to a life that requires a conscious, practiced connection between body, mind, and soul. We move minimally or with rough, uninspired, exhausted actions throughout long days.
Then, we come home and our husbands (usually, but sometimes it’s the other way around) want to make sweet love… and we are so disconnected from our body that it feels foreign, awkward, and… well, like a lot of work, to get up the energy to have sex.
BUT if they hang in there with us and push through the initial rejection (miracle!) then we kiss and kissing turns to sex… and most of the time, we are really, really glad we did have that sex. We really love our spouse and making love to them is a good thing.
It’s a lot like going to the gym.
Sometimes you just have to do it. Get started. Put on your shoes.
You may not really feel like it, but you know it’s good for you and you’ll be happy you did it. So you start, and about 15 minutes in you find yourself enjoying it. You feel strong and alive. Your muscles and your mind are working in unison. Then, after you are done, you are proud and you are glowing.
It’s okay to feel the same way about sex.
Sometimes you just have to do it. Get started. Put on your shoes {but this time it’s lingerie}.
You may not really feel like it, but you know it’s good for you and you’ll be happy you did it. So you start, and about 15 minutes in you find yourself enjoying it. You feel strong and alive. Your muscles and your mind are working in unison. Then, after you are done, you are proud and you are glowing.
Just do it.
(I did not make this pic, I just like it.)
Posted in Love and Making It | Tagged: help, initiate, Love, love and making it, sex | 3 Comments »
How to keep a marriage
Posted by Nicole on October 8, 2014
What lights a relationship on fire? What keeps it going after fifteen years?
What sets butterflies to flight in your stomach when your eyes make contact?
What keeps your bodies magnetized so that the pull towards each other never weakens?
The obvious answer is mutual attraction, but what is that exactly? How do we stay mutually attracted? What’s the answer to “How to keep a marriage magnetized?”
People are not permanent magnets. We do not just naturally hold onto our charge in a relationship. We must keep electricity running through us so we can keep our magnetism pulling us together.
An electromagnet is made from a coil of wire that acts as a magnet when an electric current passes through it but stops being a magnet when the current stops.
At first it seems like our relationship is more like permanent magnets than electromagnets. We are pulled together without even trying. The attraction just seems to happen and we accept it as fact, but there is a vital element available in a new attraction that wears off over time without an intentional electric current shooting through your coils.
If you want your coils to stay attracted to his or her coils for years to come, the essential electric thought you must keep flowing through your mind so that your bodies will attract is this:
I’M SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU & YOU ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE ME.
The more time you spend counting the ways your spouse is awesome and how lucky you are to have them, the more humbly grateful you will feel for your relationship. Equally important is the time you spend realizing how awesome you are and how lucky they are to have you, because this gives you confidence.
HUMILITY + CONFIDENCE = CHEMISTRY
We are attracted to people that we admire, who surprise us, but we also need confidence to receive that awesome person’s love in return.
There is nothing like thinking your spouse is spectacular and YOU get to be married to them… and then having them think that about you.
Believing yourselves to be lucky to have each other builds in just enough “seize the moment” motivation to keep the attraction alive. Luck brings gratitude in it’s back pocket.
This keeps that little flicker of tension and wonder between you.
Do not let jealousy, or the attentions of someone else, be the electricity that remagnetizes you. It’s easy to let passion fade and take our partners for granted… until someone else notices how great they are and we are suddenly lit up with jealousy.
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Imagine that your spouse is your high school crush… the overwhelming joy that came when their arm touched your arm, when they asked what the homework was in Trig and you couldn’t believe your luck, when they smiled at you across a room and you’d never felt more alive…
Sown into those moments was gratitude and massive admiration of that Crush… plus a focus on every single minute detail of your interactions. You wanted more.
Why do we take for granted that the person we crushed on at some point in our lives, now wakes up beside us?
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See that person you married, sitting at their computer scrolling through Facebook? Imagine that you’ve had a crush on them for months and suddenly they are in your house… but this time, you are not some shy, scared high schooler… sure, you are scared because we are always a little frightened to go after what we really want… but now, you know you are crush-worthy too and kissing you is hot. After you read this sentence, you walk over and put your hand on their neck like you can’t believe you GET to. You look them in the eyes like an 80’s hearthrob just long enough to let them know you want them… and then you lean over and kiss, full on the mouth. And this kiss is pure, unbelievable luck: two awesome people finding each other and never letting go… every single day.
This is magnetic.
Posted in Love and Making It, Uncategorized | Tagged: hope, Love, sex | 5 Comments »