Sex is like a souffle. A souffle is complicated and unique. It is difficult to get it to finish well. It takes preparation and forethought. You cannot be distracted or have your mind on something else while you are cooking a souffle. Use just the right ingredients at just the right temperatures. Beat and whip, but not too much. Fold and test until everything is perfect.  Practice. Know your oven and test the temperature. Keep trying. It’s worth it – for the enjoyment, taste, and accomplishment.

You are not a hot pocket.

You are a souffle.

Your body is not a package of fake meat and cheese (even if it feels like it some days) that you throw in a microwave oven, and it’s done in 3 minutes.  You are a souffle that takes time and practice and love to prepare. You don’t make a souffle because you are hungry right now. You make a souffle for the love of cooking something special.


If you are treating sex like a hot pocket meal, you are not doing it right.

People treat sex like “I wanna do it and you should wanna do it with me too”… “I have this need and I am gonna use you to fill it”… “Hungry. Need hot pocket.” 

Instead of treating sex like the deepest, sweetest, most liberating and fun conversation EVER.  If we spent time preparing ourselves and each other FOR each other, we would have a much better meal.  We wonder why we don’t want to have sex… but it is because we think it is a 3 minute heat up and BAM we are aroused and then orgasm and then done.  That’s just not how it was made to be – believe it or not.


We put more care into preparing a presentation at work or an outfit for an interview than we do for sex.

We put more care into thinking through why someone did or did not call us back than we do for sex.

We put more care and consideration into the paint color on the wall than we do for sex.

We put more care and heart into a conversation with a friend than we do for sex.


And then we wonder why we don’t want to have sex.


Why are some things worth the work and other things not??  Usually because we don’t understand what we will get out of the other things. We know what we can get out of a good job interview or a great color on our walls or a conversation with a friend.  But, honestly, what will you get out of sex except a little friction and connection and a few guilt-free days after…??

So so so so so much more. There is a wealth of love, depth, and pleasure that our bodies are made for and we have ignored out of fear and confusion.  There is a conversation full of nuance and care, adventure and learning, that we can have with our bodies – if we are willing to go at the right pace and with good preparation.

You are a souffle. You are meant to be enjoyed and savored, folded, kneeded, and delighted over.

If you are thinking you are a hot pocket (or being treated like one) of course you don’t want to have sex. If you put the ingredients for a souffle in the microwave, that would not turn out delicious. You would still be hungry.

Take the time to learn how to prepare yourself and your spouse. Take the time to learn your own favorite ingredients and JUST how to fold, kneed, and heat.  Actually finishing the meal is just punctuation at the end of a sentence you’ve been writing all along.

Rebel against the must-get-it-done push in our lives and go slow. Ask questions.  You CAN learn to enjoy your own body – married or not. Your body is not just utilitarian – it is beautiful, graceful, delightful, strong, receptive.  


((Full disclosure, I don’t love women-as-food metaphors… so forgive me if it offends your value as a woman. I just believe we forget the kind of preparation we are willing to put into other things because we don’t understand the goodness of sex.  You are way more than a souffle, Sister. ))