It doesn’t always feel at home in this body; this body that cannot be controlled and will not obey. My soul is looking for a new place to live.
Inanimate objects work for soul-housing. They stay where you put them (well, unless you have kids) and you can choose what they look like. We do purchase all kinds of things that represent – in the tangible world – how we would like our inner worlds to be known.
I really liked the bowl I had bought to represent my soul. It was a soft, weathered teal. The color of the sky on a mild day above tropical waters. The circle of the rim was 16″ in diameter, felt cool and smooth, and, while not perfectly formed, the small imperfections were just the right size to give character without looking defective. I got it at Target years ago so it wasn’t too expensive – thus, I felt smart and frugal when I looked at it. In it, I would put items I wanted to admire: leaves, Christmas ornaments, a well-wrapped present due for a party. But the bowl itself was soothing just on its own. My soul enjoyed projecting onto that lovely bowl to rest from the chaos of life.
That bowl died today.
A large rolling backpack, too stuffed full of books to think straight, fell over and knocked my bowl onto the cold, hard tile.
And I can’t find anything else to project myself onto that feels as relaxing and complete. My soul wants a place to be that is outside this body. This body is under renovation and it is difficult to live here all the time. It’s nice to find a cool, beautiful place to rest when this becomes too much.
The body has a lot of work to do. The bowl could just sit, maybe hold something, maybe not, and just be. It was worthwhile and beautiful while doing nothing but existing.
When I heard the bowl break it was almost like hearing a ship’s anchor going up. “Your boat has sailed. You’re stuck on your island.”
I think this is why I like Pinterestand Instagram. The pictures provide temporary fantastical escapes from regular life. And I do put myself into those boards I create. My soul lives there too.
But they are not tangible.
Have you ever had a strong reaction to the death of an inanimate object?
Do you decorate your house as an expression of your soul?
Do you dress as an expression of your soul?
Do you paint or write as an expression of your soul?
Do you use social media as an expression of your soul?
But if I am not careful, I will forget to return to the one place I am meant to live – my body. I will spend so much time making and seeking places in which my soul can feel good, that I will neglect my body.
I am taking the broken bowl as an opportunity to fully inhabit my body today. To love and admire it as much as a beautifully-made scultpure or perfectly curated Pinterest board.
This is me taking action to love myself: I worked out. I am choosing to admire my hands as if they are a beautifully-made sculture. I am asking my soul to fill my body to the brim. I am a body full of soul.
“A human being always acts and feels and performs in accordance with what he imagines to be true about himself and his environment…For imagination sets the goal ‘picture’ which our automatic mechanism works on. We act, or fail to act, not because of ‘will,’ as is so commonly believed, but because of imagination.”
― Maxwell Maltz, New Psycho-Cybernetics
You will survive believing you are not lovable or beautiful, but it is like driving through life with the hand-brake on: slow, harder than necessary, harmful. If you are like me, you are so accustomed to the hand-brake that it feels wild and uncomfortable to release it.
But, let’s do it, Love.
It will be weird and wild and too-free-feeling, but do it anyway.
I spoke to a fantastic, beautifully diverse group of women last week at a MOPS gathering in Southern California and this is what we talked about:
No matter your story, no matter the shape or size or even functionality of your body, the possibilities are always open for love and confidence.
There’s enough grace for that.
If the God of Genesis is real …
The One who made LOVE made YOU so He could love you.
This should change the way you feel about Your Body Full of Soul.
Because God is with you. In you. Now. Breathing with you. Filling your cells and your soul as much as you do.
And yet here you sit, hating parts of what God has made.
And I don’t mean spiders. Although, that’s a legit issue.
I mean. You.
Disliking…
Your story. Your body. Your thoughts. Your ability to make a home. Your mothering or lack thereof. Your sexuality. Your intelligence. The way you forgot to pick up your kid last week from early dismissal. The way you try to keep the house clean but it just never is. The way you look in a bathingsuit. The way your stomach looks when you lean over (worst!). The way you talk to your friends/boyfriend/mother/kids when you are tired and haven’t had coffee. The way you dismiss your husband as kinda stupid when he takes a wrong turn.
The way you can’t get over the things you can’t get over. The way you worry. The curve of your neck. The fact that sex is just aarrright most of the time or actually kinda bad when you think about it.
It is a tragedy beyond imagination that we sit here, possibly the most loved beings in the universe…
And slam the brakes on our lives.
There is a process working for me and my friends, to remove the handbrake and reshape our beliefs so we can live stronger, more powerful, more…just… joyful and free. Those things we don’t like about our breakable, human selves can either be fix
Loving yourself takes a tri-solution. You need all the parts of the triangle in order to do it well. We cannot focus on only one, which is what we usually do, but all three.
So, I am focusing on my beliefs today. I am focusing on the truth that each person deserves dignity, love, and attention (including me) and then I am asking myself some hard questions based on this belief:
How would I act if I felt fully validated?
What would I pursue if I knew I’d been accepted into that group/story/program I think I am not good enough for?
How would I walk if I felt beautiful?
How would I set boundaries if I believed I was worth protecting?
How would I speak if words didn’t have to earn my worth?
The lightbulb went on for me when I was looking for Bible verses for the talk I was giving last week.
When you are starting with BELIEFS – look for a belief you can sink your teeth into. What do you deeply believe to be true? Start there.
So, here’s something I believe to be true:
Mark 12:30-31The Voice (VOICE) You should love the Eternal, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.”[a]31 The secondgreat commandmentis this: “Love others in the same way you love yourself.”[b]There are no commandments more important than these.
This is the greatest commandments. This is a statement I can build my life on.
I want to love God, my Maker, and I want to love others. I want to do this well. I believe a good life is built on this purpose.
I am to love others in the same way I love myself… ok, but how do I love myself? The answer is in the first commandment. It’s in there and it is the best tool I have ever had for building a great love life with God, others, and MYSELF.
You should love the Eternal, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.
Where is God so that you can love Him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength?
You might believe that we love God by loving others. I believe this too.
You might beliefe that we love God by loving nature. I believe this too.
But God is somewhere else too. This was my lightbulb moment:
Do you not know that you are a temple of God
and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? 1 Cor 3:16
God is IN you. God’s breath. His Spirit. God is in you. The temple is where God lives. The temple is the one place you know GOD is.
So for the writer to say that you are a temple of God… this is a revolution. You do not have to go love God somewhere else or in someone else.
The ACTION IS HERE.
You love God by loving yourself with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength because God is in you.
You are as much YOU as you are God. When you love yourself, you love God.
Let’s do it, Love.
It will be weird and wild and too-free-feeling, but do it anyway. Love yourself. Love yourself because it is good for you. Love yourself because it gives you energy to love others. Love yourself because that is a surefire way to love GOD.
We don’t confuse ourselves for God, but we acknowledge that loving ourselves is a way to love God.
Tomorrow, we will talk about the ACTION side of the triangle. How do you take action to love YOURSELF and GOD with your heart, mind, soul, and strength? This is where it gets interesting and also hard. You’ll need a mirror, a pen, and some guts. Take off the handbrake, Beautiful.
This magic moment a man had with his grandfather may just change your life. It is changing mine. Watch this scene from a movie called HUMAN by filmmaker and artist Yann Arthus-Bertrand.
Is the glass half full or half empty?
For our series, Body and Soul, this has real implications.
When we struggle to see ourselves as beautiful…
When we are having a hard day…
When our bodies and souls are not lining up or getting along…
It’s still a beautiful glass.
Life is beautiful. So are you.
Don’t spend so long a time trying to see the good in yourself that you can’t see the beauty in your entire being.
We’ve been trained to “find the good” parts. Locate your strengths. Highlight your best features.
“At least I have pretty eyes. At least my hair is shiny. Too bad about my thighs… BUT it’s ok, there’s more good than bad.”
You were knit together in perfect love and power. You are made for this beautiful life… this beautiful cup. You are Beauty yourself.
Let’s stop looking at ourselves in the mirror trying to see the glass as half full. Let’s stop looking at each other to assess and inspect what is good or bad and just see the beautiful glass.
You are a beautiful woman. No measuring. No tests. Just gratitude and appreciation.
They undermine every molecule of my being – my ENFP personality.
Empathy. Therapy. Conversation. Process.These are priceless values that bring humanity and love to every relationship. Basically, my friend, you would almost never hear me say “Get Over It.”
Until NOW.
If there is something in your way, GET OVER IT.
Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s how much I want us all to be the vibrant, powerful creatures I know we are meant to be. We can get over this.
Whatever it is that is standing in your way, get over it.
maybe… just maybe…
You are a victim of your mindset. You let your thoughts and fears and fixed beliefs stop you from being really alive. You do not act with passion or dauntless fear because you do not think you can handle the reactions of other people. You fear the looks on their faces or the words formed in their mouths. You would do it, but then there would be consequences in their judgments and confusion so you do not do anything but the same old quiet thing.
maybe… just maybe…
You don’t know what step 2 will be so you never take step 1… you fear the awkward and ugly moment after step 1 when you’ve got nothin else in your scared brain and don’t know how to get out of the situation.You’ve backed out of enough weird moments with people to know you don’t want to do THAT again.
So you never say HI to someone cute. You only dance ironically. You change your clothes without ever getting naked. You don’t remind your boss how awesome you are at your job. You walk right by the opportunity for BRAVE and TRUE because you are too scared of AWKWARD and STUPID.
Get over it.
Too scared? Too intimidated? Too ugly? Think no one understands you or cares what you have to say? Controlled by other people’s decisions? Too short? Too nice? Too introverted?Too old? Too young? Too too too … NOTHING.
Yes, we will look stupid at times. Oh well!
I get it.
I am only now realizing just how careful I’ve been and how much space for growth there is if I “get over it.”
Both physically and mentally, it’s time to get over ourselves.
(this post has sound. scroll down to pause it if you want)
We are toddlers in our eternal lives. We’re just getting started.
Sure, it’s hard. We fall and cry and throw things. We want our way, right away.
But, it’s also hilarious and wondrous: This discovering as we learn. This loving and being loved.
Good God. It’s all a miracle. A difficult, scary miracle.
Breathe and listen as I read to you one of my favorite creation stories ever. It is an adaptation of the Jesus Storybook Bible – a Genesis One Reading. Let’s fall in love again.
A prayer for love and seeing. Of black cats and clean forks. A life full of Body full of Soul.
*****
Take a moment to notice your surroundings. Relax your jaw and your tongue. Feel the earth support your weight. Feel God support your spirit.
*****
God, when I sit in this room, I can feel both alone and the opposite of alone.
I can be aware of the table and my coffee. I can feel the air moving in and out to my nose. There is a chair beneath me and a black cat walking back and forth around us all. My fingers still feel wet from washing breakfast dishes.
I can choose to be aware of sensations. And in the choosing they are either a nuisance or a wonder.
I can choose to be aware of You, too: The I Am, The Presence.The One who is always here. I can choose to feel you in the air and in my bones.
God, when I sit in this room, I can feel both alone and the opposite of alone.
I can choose to see you as separate from me. In this way, you are here and yet different from the “Me” I know. You are a loving relationship that requires space between us.I pray and you come. I request and you give.
I can also choose to see you as essentially IN me. In this way, you are here as surely as I am here. You are a loving Presence in my cells that requires the connection with my own mind. Here, to love myself is to be loved by you. Here, to accept the body I am in, is to accept that this body is Us. Here, to pray for peace is to know that the peace is here waiting to be accepted already in my guts. To ask you to be with me would be like asking myself to go hang out sometime. You are here. You are more here in and with me and available to me than my own thoughts and emotions and needs. You are the beautiful, quiet option that I don’t always know how to pick.
Jesus, I have no choice but to believe you are here in whichever way I manage to choose. You are. YHWH – Presence.
Your bible is confusing. Your people are a mess. And yet, impossible as it seems, as real as this table or the lungs in my chest, You are here.
Sometimes I think you just want to be noticed. To be witnessed. I recognize the need in me to be noticed and I wonder if this is part of your image in me now – something holy.
I see You. In the trees. Bursting sap. Falling pinecones. Strong branches with kids hanging off them.
I see You. In the blue sky. Endless whispers. Wind from the atmosphere’s edges all the way down to my face.
I see You. In the people. Hand-holding. Laughter so hard they can’t open their eyes.A sudden embrace.
I see You. In me. Skin upon blood, ligaments, muscles and bones. A heart that beats. A body that breathes. Hopes. Loves. Pain.
I see You in this body you made to fit this soul just right.
“The soul is like a wild animal — tough, resilient, savvy, self-sufficient, and yet exceedingly shy. If we want to see a wild animal, the last thing we should do is to go crashing through the woods, shouting for the creature to come out. But if we are willing to walk quietly into the woods and sit silently for an hour or two at the base of a tree, the creature we are waiting for may well emerge, and out of the corner of an eye we will catch a glimpse of the precious wildness we seek.” – Parker Palmer
*****
Inside of you is a wild animal. A wild animal is not, by default, violent or vicious. She is unpredictable, mysterious, earthy. Her body gently holds her. Her body fiercely molds her as she lives each challenging day.
Your soul is like a wild animal.
Perhaps, for you, your body is a forest and your soul lives somewhere inside. The forest has a history and a feeling. Your wild soul lives here, difficult to locate, but undeniable. This is as it should be. You are not a puppy. You are a fox. You are a wild horse. Your strength is yours. Your body and soul are yours.
Through thoughtful sounds, movements, smells, and patience – a wild animal will be intrigued enough to emerge and be seen…and to see. When she feels a combination of safety and curiosity, when her senses are piqued, she will come out to play.
If we are brave and patient enough, we can nurture the wild, loving soul in us.
Is there an activity you do where you allow your soul to emerge without force or coercion?
Do you make space to coax and allure her until she lets down her guard and follows her own curiosity?
It could be Yoga, Sex, Painting, Running, Writing. When do you allow yourself to be and play without needing to perform? You need this. We all need this.
Your soul is like a wild animal.
Start alluring and intriguing your soul into view instead of commanding her to come. The experience will be entirely different than the on-demand life we are accustomed to. There will be a spark and a beauty and a respect we’ve maybe been missing. You will feel more connected to your body and more sure of your abilities and worth. It only takes a few minutes a day.
Try this: For 10 minutes. Read that Parker Palmer quote again and then just sit – Straight up and breathing deep. Be aware of your goodness and your connection to the Creator of the universe. Know you are as loved while sitting still as when you are working hard. As Elizabeth Gilbert says, “Contemplate Your Existence.” Pique your curiosity.
Let’s get a good night’s sleep, shall we? There are endless tips about how to do this, but here are two things you can do anytime to help relax.
Our minds are so much more capable of self-care than we realize. Relaxing and focusing in on certain parts of your body will tell other systems to let down their own guard and rest. We all need rest.
There are small things you can do even at work… even while taking care of wild children… even at the grocery store or in a stressful meeting that will relax you. These same things can help you enter sleep more quickly and with more intentional beauty.
First Try This:
Relax your tongue and jaw.
Let your tongue lay low in your mouth and let your lips part slightly.
(^^That part you can do anywhere. No one will know you are practicing relaxing in their presence^^)
You can take it further and…
Rub your fingers firmly from the inner edges of your eyebrows, along your brow line, gently through your temples to your hairline, and then firmly trace along your hairline, past your ears and against your jaw.
Relax. Breathe. Focus on long exhales.
“Relaxing your tongue and jaw sends a message to your brain stem and limbic system to turn off the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol,” says neuropsychologist Marsha Lucas, PhD (from Prevention.com)
Do this to remind your body that you are safe and can relax.
*****
Second Try This:
If you are looking for a more complete connection between body and spirit before you enter sleep, try a Body Scan Meditation with a Prayer twist.
A great example of a recorded Body Scan Meditation is here at NPR.com.
The purpose Body Scan Meditation is to bring awareness and acceptance to each member of the body without judgement and without trying to fix anything. Sense and notice.
As you lay still, set your mind on the purpose of this time: acceptance and awareness.
Now, begin scanning your attention from your toes to the top of your head. You are going to greet each part of your body with honor and love and awe. Even the sources of pain or discomfort, you will simply notice and send love through taking a deep breath as that part enters your mind or you can gently touch the area with the palms of your hands, if it feels right.
After you have taken your time touring your body, you will end in prayer over your entire body with love. Feel the skin that covers you and knits you all together.
Choose a prayer to lay over each inch of skin that makes you a whole body. You can these just at the end or even all throughout your scan if you find yourself struggling:
“All beautiful you are, My Darling; there is no flaw in you.”
“I will offer You my grateful heart, for I am Your unique creation,
filled with wonder and awe.”
If you are married, you could do the Body Scan Prayer together – let your spouse pray over every single part of you and gently lay their hands on your skin as they pray.
We cannot force ourselves back to life all at once like a sudden combustion, but we are never past hope. The wick is still in your heart. You can burn with passion again.
*****
Force of will turns nothing on. Candles are lit like women. With fire and focus and melting.
*****
It’s that magic combination of body and soul that comes with focused attention, but the soul must be included.
“There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don’t work.”
-Anais Nin
I’m here. In here. not body or soul but both – Both skin and nerves sewn to love and fears touch me, please so you can touch me
We are neither angel nor animal.
We can live for days as if our minds are the endless, beautiful, infinite space of creativity and spirituality. We can live for days as if our bodies are the magnetic, focused, sensory playgrounds of indulgence and physical exertion. We can choose to live on either side of the divide, but only so long as we can keep up the illusion that there IS a divide.
We cannot live long or well without realizing the mental effect of our physical actions.
We cannot live long or well without realizing the physical needs and effects of our mental obsessions.
You are imagination and skin.
The goal of this series is to remind you and me, everyday, that every part of us is made well … and not just made well, but somehow precious and important.
Skin is holy. Spirit is holy.
If we are living for the day that we are finally done with this body and can be the spirit we were always meant to be, we are missing the goodness and holiness in Life. It is in and through our bodies that we love and are loved.
*****
Last night, my littlest daughter asked me to cuddle with her. She loves when I gently run my hands up and down her legs as she lays in bed. Her soft body glides under my warm hands and I pray for her as I slowly make contact with each inch of her tired skin. Being alive is exhausting, especially when you are doing it well. So, I pray for her health and for her legs – that they would be strong and sure. I pray for her heart and the blood flowing through her veins. I pray for her gut – that she would feed it well and listen to it even better.
As I am praying, she asks if she can rub my arms. She tells me to sit still and proceeds to run her excruciatingly soft, gentle, cool hands up and down my tired arms. And my heart breaks.
Glory.
The glory of a touch given with so much care and innocence and generosity.
My heart breaks into one zillion pieces and I like it.
My spirit and my skin pull tight against each other, no empty spaces, only wholeness. Tears spring to my eyes. I smile. This is what it feels like to be real
…to have my physical world and my spiritual world alight with electrical impulses connecting me to me.
*****
When your body takes action, connect your spirit with that action. Commit your whole self to the present moment. When you hold someone’s hand, make sure your personality is in that hand too. Make it mean something.
When your spirit processes life, include physical activity in the process. Deep breathing changes everything. Sweat cleans more than just skin. Touch matters. Include your physical life in your spiritual life and witness real change in the overall enjoyment you experience.
*****
If God came to earth in a human body, there is no stronger word to be spoken about the goodness of skin and bones.
God came in the form of Jesus.
And, well, it could be said that God is on earth within the form of YOU as well.
“Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?”
1 Cor 3:16
Touch is not always a demand. Sometimes, it is a request for care and connection. Sometimes, most of the time, it is soul care deep down.
