1000 Strands

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Let’s Celebrate Life

Posted by Nicole on January 31, 2013

When you go to Disneyland, you can ask for a big button to wear all day. It will say “It’s My Birthday!” or “Let’s Celebrate!”  And you can fill in your name underneath or write what you are celebrating: “Anniversary” or “Graduation”. Then everyone who works at Disneyland will see your button and comment and welcome you.

“Happy Birthday, Princess!”

“Happy Anniversary!”

We live near Disneyland and go often.  The other day my little girls and I were walking through the huge plaza full of people as another woman walking towards us caught my eye.  She wore a “Let’s Celebrate” pin, crew-neck t-shirt, big white sneakers and high-waisted shorts;  Typical, comfy, I’m on vacation from rural (fill in a state) attire.  I always think about the people at Disneyland as they walk past us. Is this their first time?  Are they spending 3 years’ savings to make these memories with their families at Disneyland?  What’s her story?

Then, as this particular woman moved nearer to us, I looked closely at her button and saw that it said “Let’s Celebrate… LIFE.” Instantly, all the details I had subconsciously noticed about her came into focus:  Comfy clothes. Thin, short, newly-grown-in gray hair. Pale and slightly puffy face…  New cancer survivor. Laughing with her friends. Walking through the Disneyland plaza. Celebrating LIFE.  Smiling at me as she passed.  She’s on a LIFE.

 

Life.  I want to be on a LIFE. Let’s celebrate… LIFE.

“Happy LIFE, Princess!”

 

So, step one of going on a LIFE – what that woman in big, white sneakers and high-waisted shorts wore all over her gorgeous face: Gratitude. For Everything. For Life Itself.

(pause.)

Gratitude.  It only happens in this exact moment.

 

What makes a LIFE? How does a person permanently change, ditch the Die ette, find gratitude, or even choose a new path without using fear, peer pressure, strict rules, pre-made meals, a personal trainer and a nanny?  How do we combine all the things we currently want into one nice life where everything fits and we’re happy about it?

LIFE is in our habits. In the moment-to-moment choices. This is who we are. Whether it’s what we eat, watch, say, do… We ARE our little decisions. It’s so hard to celebrate life when our little choices keep veering off course.  It’s so hard to feel really alive when my little choices – my little steps – keep taking me further away from the life I want. Do you ever feel that way?  You want something so much and yet you continue to take little, tiny steps away?

This is why DIE-ettes don’t help. They are temporary black & white fixes to life-long, complex issues and goals.

I am done pushing and striving to follow a short-term, fix-me-quick die-ette. Spending so much time researching, trying, failing, being on day 3 for the 100th time, judging results … I am looking down and forgetting to look up with gratitude.   Gratitude that I am alive.

Now, I am done with DIE-ettes BUT the issue is still here. I am still not living Life to the fullest, healthiest, most vibrant standards and I know it because I feel conflicted. I want things that contradict each other.  I want pizza and a flat tummy. I want a deep connection to God and to watch The Bachelor.

This year I am going to get deep down in this messy little spirit and body of mine and try to get to the HEART of why I choose little DIE-ettes instead of LIFE.  I am going to stop surviving and start living.

Will you join me?  Whether you read this today or a year from when I’ve written these words, I am throwing out a strand your way.  Grab hold. Let’s go on a LIFE.

Posted in Free Flying Faith, Healthy You | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Stop the DIE-ette (diet) and Go on a Life

Posted by Nicole on January 30, 2013

Diet. Die.

“This diet makes me want to die.” “I’d rather live fat and happy than die skinny and miserable.”

Have you ever heard someone say something similar?

DIE ette: A little death. I am on a diet… I am dying a little bit every minute I am on this DIE-ette.

A diet used to simply be what someone or something ate regularly. A lizard eats a diet of crickets.  A koala eats a diet of eucalyptus.   Mythological super models eat a diet of champagne and cotton balls. I eat a diet of coffee, chocolate covered almonds, and pizza interspersed with meals of kale and chia seeds. (balance, People, balance.)  This kind of diet is FACT. It’s what I actually eat.

Then, there’s the DIE-ette. The one that kills your soul and sometimes your body a little each day.  This is the strict, short-term list of rules that You or Slimquick or the 4 Hour Somebody or Fruitarians United have decided you should eat.

I am suffocating under the conflicting Die-ettes I should be on. I don’t want to be on a DIE-ette. I want to be on a LIFE.

I WANT TO BE ON A LIFE.  Hear me?!

Do you want to be on a life too?

People go on diets together all the time. Let’s go on a Life together. We will start tomorrow. But for real this time.

Let's go on a life!

Let’s go on a life!

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Capturing Memories

Posted by Nicole on February 8, 2012

This was a beautiful day. Kids became wild cats with a little make-up. Blankets flew. Tiny feet jumped and twirled. Skin lovingly touched skin in hugs and kisses. Just one of those days God gives you to keep you going. Priceless.

But I only remember it because I have photos to jog my memory.  How many others have I enjoyed and now they’re gone forever?

“The saddest part about life is you don’t remember half of it. You don’t even remember half of half of it. Not even a tiny percentage, if you want to know the truth.  I have this friend Bob who writes down everything he remembers. If he remembers dropping an ice cream cone on his lap when he was seven, he’ll write it down.  The last time I talked to Bob, he had written more than five hundred pages of memories.  He’s the only guy I know who remembers his life. He said he captures memories because if he forgets them, it’s as though they didn’t happen; it’s as though he hadn’t lived the parts he doesn’t remember”

– A MILLION MILES

“It’s as though he hadn’t lived the parts he doesn’t remember.”  That line breaks my heart.

Every, every minute of life is precious – a gift from God. Yet, I forget pretty much every one of my lovingly-lived minutes before the week is through.  Why is that? I hunger and thirst to capture each exquisite moment with my little kids and with my husband and with my friends.  But. I can’t. They are gone. Lived and loved and gone.

But I have hope that God is remembering it all for me.  Maybe life is like a movie and He’s the cinematographer and director. I’ll get to watch the movie with him when we are together someday.  It’ll be one of our date nights.  God and I will snuggle on the couch… me curled up next to Him… I bet he smells amazing… and we’ll watch the show.  We’ll laugh and he’ll show me his favorite parts (he’ll have 1000’s).  I’ll jump up at times – remembering something fabulous for the first time since it originally happened.  I’ll look over at him and he’ll laugh and smile at me with more love and understanding than I thought possible – and I’ll curl back into him for a thousand hours more.  We’ll cry together too – parts will be tragic. It may hurt a little, but this time, like in any well-told story – the saddest parts will provide the meaning and the power that make the triumphant and sweet parts so special.

I cling to that hope.  In the meantime, what do we do to help us remember? I thank God for the pictures I manage to take of moments I LOVED and would just not remember otherwise.  I try to journal. I have friends with better memories than me who help out.  It’s a big question in my life.   I struggle with the tension of loving and then releasing each moment as I live it. What about you?

-Nicole

 

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Swag n Stuff – Best Shape of My Life

Posted by Nicole on January 31, 2012

I’m in the best shape of my life as I write this to you. I am glistening with sweat – my abs hard and my hair somehow still voluminous and sea-breeze blown.  I’m enjoying eating a kale, chia seed salad and drinking a room-temperature glass of lemon water.

…Not really. Not ever. That’s not true.

I’ve been better than I am today, though… God knows. He knows. I’ve. Been. Better.

When I was in the best shape of my life, I actually got there after a 6 week diet and exercise bootcamp.

My abs have never actually been what other people would call “hard” or “fit” but I did have an actual waist. I was smaller at my belly button than at my boobs. It happened.

Funny thing. I thought I was changing for good… Forever. I thought I would never be the same after that bootcamp — I gave it a big push and worked hard.

I was proud. I had swag. Confidence. My hair bounced like you wish yours did.

New, baby, beginning habits were formed. I studied and gained knowledge. I set goals. I learned Right from Wrong (the capital letter kind of right and wrong).

Then, slowly, I made exceptions and had set backs… temptations… and celebrations… Consolations.

And now, I am my old, normal self again. The one who is a slave. A slave to destructive habits of comfort, indulgence, addiction, and doughy pizza. (oh, pizza… you abuse me and I like it)

Part of me still knows eating and laying around don’t lead to a healthy, vibrant life … but that part can’t convince the rest of the parts to get it together again.

Here’s why… That part knows it’s a forever decision this time. That big push.. Bootcamp… Diet…DIE-ette…  it was short. It had a deadline. It was temporary. Now ALL of me knows success takes a forever commitment. And I don’t want to forever commit.

But if I want to really live… if my goals are health, energy, that elusive waist, shiny hair, confidence and swag into my 60s and 70s… then I must change my daily habits and I must change them forever. Everyday is a second chance at success. Why am I choosing failure when success is an option (thanks Jillian Michaels for the catchy shame-phrase)? Why do we do that?  (Or is it just me?)

I am in some of the most jiggly shape of my life as I sit here and write to you. It happens. Things get jiggly. I am still beautiful (I’ll say it til I believe it). I just don’t have any clothes that fit and I spend my days dreaming of the next sugary and/or salty, doughy and/or crunchy bite to satisfy my endless, black hole-like cravings.  I am a slave to those cravings and it must stop.

Are you a slave to something? A craving? Addiction? Behavior you wish you could just stop?  Grab on. This train is leaving. We are leaving this place of hopelessness and droopy souls.

Wanna join me?  No more DIE-ettes. We are starting a life.

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1000 Strands

Posted by Nicole on July 11, 2011

 

“…what we must do now is share everything. Everything! If one of us likes anything, there must be something to like in it – and the other one must find it. Every single thing that either of us likes. That way we shall create a thousand strands, great and small, that will link us together… And our trust in each other will not only be based on love and loyalty but on the fact of a thousand sharings – a thousand strands twisted into something unbreakable.”

– A Severe Mercy

A thousand strands twisted into something unbreakable.  Unbreakable.  I want to have unbreakable relationships.  I want to have the things I care about matter to someone else too.  Life can be made of unbreakable stuff when we tie ourselves, knot ourselves, anchor ourselves to the eternal God who made us and is here already making everything new and unbreakable.

 

Have you ever read something in a book or article and it just hit you hard? You laughed til you cried. You just cried. You spoke out loud back to the book, “Holy @*#! I’d never thought of that!”  Your soul moved a few inches … permanently.

Whatever it was, it mattered to you in your core, and you just HAD to share it with someone. When a friend matches your enthusiasm… that’s bliss.

Each of these little encounters changes us.  This is chemistry.  Falling in love.  Making a friend. Bonding.

“The actual thing – inloveness – requires something like a spark leaping back and forth from one to the other becoming more intense every moment, love building up like voltage in a coil.”
-A Severe Mercy

Love requires sharing. Mutual sharing. This is a core truth of life. In this place I will share the things and thoughts that connect with my life.  I believe there’s a God who wants that same kind of “spark leaping back and forth… love building up like voltage in a coil.” And, He wants it with us.

Feel free to share back. Let’s create electricity … and a thousand strands of sharing twisted into something unbreakable.

-Nicole

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