When We Were On Fire
Posted by Nicole on October 17, 2013
If you’ve read this blog since it’s inception, you know I am a woman of open and hopeful and thrashing faith. I believe in a big God who loves each individual… but that belief is a wrestling I do fresh every day. Like Jacob in Genesis, I wrestle and prevail, and like Jacob, I am constantly finding God in new places – finding Him Even Here. I met Jesus by name in a youth group when I was 14. This entry is a poetic remembering of that time as part of Addie Zierman’s synchroblog in honor of her beautiful new book:
When We Were On Fire.
We ran through fields and over chain-linked fences to escape the hands of the enemy, in practice for the rapture. Dropped off in the middle of the hills and left to find our way back to the school auditorium, we feared Jesus would someday leave us behind because we didn’t truly believe.
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We sang at the top of our lungs with Joel Weldon at Hume Lake. We sang of love and hope and a Jesus who was everything. We knelt and sang quietly, trying to find the perfect pitch so Jesus would know we were worth loving… and so the boys next to us would too.
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We piled in vans and went to outdoor festivals to rock for God. When we were on fire, we could do anything for God! We moshed for God. We bought tshirts for God. We floated on crowds who lifted us up on their hands – 1000s of hands lifting us up so we could be closer to God, voices of love and cheering and camaraderie.
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We held hands and vowed to give our very bodies to God and only God, no matter what it took. And some of us kept our promises to ourselves and to God while some of us made babies… ones we kept and ones we did not.
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When were were on fire, we shaped our gold into a god in the refining flames – A shape to worship that made sense and we could hold, until, in a fit of tears, we would melt our golden god down; reshaping Him again and again.
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We will always be grateful for the days we were on fire, to know we can melt, that at one time we were not too cold or too far to be reached by Love – a love bigger than our confusion and much much bigger than our idols.
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Tanya Marlow said
This is just perfect. Gorgeous writing – you express so much in so few words. I love the mixture of nostalgia and poignancy here. YUM.
Nicole said
Thank you so much, Tanya.
Suzanne said
This is really beautiful, Nicole. This part – “A shape to worship that made sense and we could hold, until, in a fit of tears, we would melt our golden god down; reshaping Him again and again.” – gave me chills.
Nicole said
Thank you, Suzanne!
Tara Owens said
My goodness, Nicole. This gave me goosebumps. Thank you. So clear-eyed and compassionate, and yet longing for more and deeper. I like the grace that you offer without shrinking from what was.
And *this* line? Whoa:
“we would melt our golden god down; reshaping Him again and again”
Nicole said
Oh Tara, thank you!! 🙂
-Nicole
Susan Schiller said
I can relate to the fear of being left behind, preparing for the Rapture! Wow, you were really dropped off in the middle of a field? I’d love to hear more – you have a grace in writing. Thanks for sharing!
Nicole said
Thank you Susan! Yes, we had nights where the youth pastor would take us all to a field and drop us off. Our goal was to sneak back to the school (about 1/2 miles away) without being seen by the big men he’d asked to play the “bad guys” trying to give us the mark of the beast. Either you’d make it! or you’d be captured! Then we would all sit in the bleachers after the whole scenerio ended, and watch A Thief In The Night. There’s more too it, but that’s the gist. 🙂 My mom was not pleased I was participating in this – to say the least.
Thank you for reading! I loved reading your entry too!
-Nicole
Leigha Cann said
Beautiful, Nicole. Absolutely exquisite.
Nicole said
oh, thank you, Leigha!
Bree said
Wonderful! I find myself completely in this line: “We knelt and sang quietly, trying to find the perfect pitch so Jesus would know we were worth loving… and so the boys next to us would too.” I snorted and nearly woke the baby. Humour and pointed honesty all at once. Thank you for sharing.
Bree. X
Nicole said
Bree, You made me so happy! I love that you find yourself in my honesty – makes my day! Thanks for reading.
-Nicole
Liz Myrick said
Joel Weldon! Hume Lake! Oh, that brings back some great memories for me!
Nicole said
Right? Some of the biggest and deepest moments of my life happened at Hume Lake. 🙂
-N
Ginger said
“We will always be grateful for the days we were on fire, to know we can melt, that at one time we were not too cold or too far to be reached by Love” – Wow. You gave me goosebumps! Thank you so much for sharing your story! I am loving all of the WWWoF stories!
Nicole said
Thank you! I am loving all these stories too. They are a deep part our stories.
-Nicole
Addie Zierman said
Yes — THIS: “we shaped our gold into a god in the refining flames – A shape to worship that made sense and we could hold, until, in a fit of tears, we would melt our golden god down; reshaping Him again and again.” So beautifully perfectly said. So insightful Nicole. Thank you so much for sharing.
Abby Norman said
Damn
When We Were On Fire: Synchroblog Round-Up | Addie Zierman | How To Talk Evangelical said
[…] “When were were on fire, we shaped our gold into a god in the refining flames – A shape to worship that made sense and we could hold, until, in a fit of tears, we would melt our golden god down; reshaping Him again and again.” Nicole Romero at 1000 Strands […]