Learning New Things
Posted by Nicole on October 21, 2013
Do you hate learning new things in front of people? I do. A lot.
I haven’t learned to ballroom dance because I do not want my husband to see me “learning” to ballroom dance. Until I try in front of him, I can keep the mysterious question going… “is Nicole an awesome, naturally-gifted ballroom dancer?? Could be!!”
… I am settling for that.
A few years ago, we went on a cruise with a large group of friends. One night, we went to the karaoke bar. Now, I love singing when no one can hear me: loud concerts, the shower, my car. But, singing karaoke in front of people – especially friends with whom I work and will continue to see regularly…? Nope. No way. I actually remember saying the words, “I like what you currently think of me. There’s no way I am messing that up by singing in front of you.”
“I like what you currently think of me.”
I am more comfortable with the
potential of being awesome than living the
struggle of becoming awesome.
*****
Before we get to all the life-lessons I should have learned by now, let’s talk truth for a second:
We are judgmental as people. Every single day, I hear people whisper critiques and make decisions about each other. Oh, he’s not great at this. She’s not ready for that. I, myself, have seen someone try something and thought, oh. That was not very impressive.
We make decisions and categorize each other’s abilities. And, then, as opportunities arise – both professionally and personally – we decide who is allowed to participate. Who is good enough?
Entire TV channels are built on this, this “making or not making the cut.” You mess up once and you are out. Passion doesn’t matter unless you impress us. Perseverance is actually pitiable when you are not really that good.
This system is what makes some of us sing only in the shower and dance only when the door is locked tight.
I am so scared of not being allowed to participate, that I choose not to participate. I opt myself out before anyone else can cut me from the list.
But this hurts and limits me (you too??) in any attempt to reach goals or actually learn the best skills in life – the skills and arts that could free us and make us feel most alive.
I want to stop living in my potential and start training in the actual. Otherwise, I will spend my life dancing behind locked doors and burying my voice in the noise.
Can we each believe that as long as we are trying, we are succeeding? Is that possible?
Can we find the bravery to stop settling for potential and start grabbing hold of actual? Can we value the ACTUAL above the POTENTIAL, no matter what the outcome?
*****
This entry was posted on October 21, 2013 at 12:26 pm and is filed under Free Flying Faith, Wonderful Wrestlings. Tagged: bravery, dance, faith, fear, freedom, Love, potential, sing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Mary Beth said
I am exactly the same way! It’s why I’ve never been able to maintain a gym routine and why I never learned to play any sports. I gravitate toward things I am naturally good at and even then, sometimes I won’t try that hard so I can always say “Oh, I wasn’t really trying” if/when I fail. Thanks for speaking this truth.
Chris Monahan said
“I opt myself out before anyone else can cut me from the list.”
This is VERY much me, too. I take past examples of less-than-stellar performance and decide I don’t want to lose again or be embarrassed again, so I simply don’t.
Here’s to the music rising from your heart to your head, then floating down to your feet, then carrying you across the floor to your husband’s arms, then around the room IN his arms.
Blessings.
Joshua Lancette said
I really relate to this, never trying things because of what people will think of me if I’m not very good. I like how you set up the difference between living in the actual and living in the potential. I want to start living in the actual too.