Posts Tagged ‘dreams’
Posted by Nicole on September 4, 2014
Hey Friend!
What do you do when your dreams come true?
What do you do when your dreams are controversial?
(This post is all about me, but I hope it is somehow all about you too.)
Ten years ago, I said I would speak from my heart on stage about God and life and love. My dream was to preach. It was something that sparked in me and would not let go. This summer I did just that.
You could say that I lived my dream years ago at my first speaking “engagement” or the first class I ever taught. There have been people who noticed and believed in me for years that gave me chances to learn and grow.
My dream of speaking words shaped like keys that unlock cages for the people who listen, has been coming true for years.
But this summer, there was a moment that checked all the dream criteria boxes and felt like a graduation to a new place.
This tiny girl preached in the main church service. It was no big deal to the millions and billions of people who went about their days ignorant of the fact that Life was blowing my mind… but for me, this was a huge deal.
See, I believe in a world where each voice matters. I believe in a world where men can learn from women and women learn from men (and men learn from men and women learn from women too – to be fair) regardless of race, height, income, or education. I believe in a multifaceted God who needs to be described from different angles by people gifted with a talent and the determination to speak in the open. But not everyone believes this.
I believe in a multifaceted God
who needs to be described from different angles
by people gifted with a talent and the determination
to speak in the open.
So, I quietly paid attention for years and discovered that I have a deep love of God and of teaching and of speaking out loud about Him. I paid attention to the ways people responded when they didn’t worry what the rules were about who was allowed to learn from whom or what other people thought. I paid attention to where the love and deep learning took me… then, I took a position as a full-time pastor…
and for now, it all led me here
To where this tiny, female human, with nothing and everything to gain by preaching about Jesus, began preaching about Jesus; not just to women but to men too.
See, I know there are verses in the Bible that say I “shouldn’t” talk in church or teach men about God. I get it. I see those words too. I also know that the Bible is a HARD book and one that requires pausing and breathing and studying before we take it at face value. The words in it are tricky. They are also life. Life is tricky. We are in this together.
Men, you deserve to know ALL of God that you can…
Women, you deserve to know ALL of God that you can…
When little girls preach, a new thing happens. I cannot teach you ALL about God, but I sure can surprise you with new facets to Him. .. because, I am Me and I get to see different parts than you do. The more varied voices we hear about God, the more dynamic our understanding of Him.
*****
I started getting really nervous the week before I was to preach, so I reached out to Rachel Held Evans for ideas on how to lovingly explain to people that hearing a woman speak about God is a GOOD thing.
Here’s what she said:
And I am so grateful for this.
Because that week before I spoke, people began to ask me if I was grateful… not just, was I grateful to be speaking or have this job or get to share in front of lots of people. What they meant was, “Aren’t you grateful that you, a female, are being allowed to speak in the main service at a Christian church?”
And my answer was complicated but simple.
YES.
Of course I am. Anyone who teaches or speaks on a stage better be grateful and humbled by the responsibility of that assignment – no matter how much fun it is or how true to their heart’s calling.
I am grateful.
I am grateful because each time someone “unexpected” does well in a calling like this, another chance opens up for someone else just waiting for their dream to come true. It cracks the door open. (How am I unexpected? I am both female and 5′ tall. This makes me an unlikely Pastor.)
I am always grateful for a chance to teach. Always. It’s like being a dancer or a singer (neither of which can I do in this same way). It’s an art and a flowing of spirit through a human that is just intangibly awesome.
I am grateful because I have two daughters. I cannot survive raising them to believe their freedom story and the ways God moves in them are lesser because of their gender. The best way to teach them is to believe it about myself.
I am grateful because I expect this next generation of girls to be one of the biggest blessings to the earth we have ever seen. The GLORY that will come from having both men and women allowed to light the world with God’s loving words and Spirit will be breathtaking.
I am grateful for a chance to step into the arena in my own way and fight for their voices to matter too.
I am grateful just for my own sake. There is nothing like doing the thing you feel is your purpose.
*****
On 1000 Strands, I don’t usually write this autobiographically – or at least, not without the glorious shelter of metaphors, but in the last six months I have stepped out of my old arenas and into some new ones as a pastor and I want to include you in my history. This is not a political story. This is a personal story of one person being called to something and working hard at it… we are tempted to make a personal story into a political one because we can explain those away. Resist.
Any of you who feel called to express the glory of LIFE through your story: speaking, pastoring, art, creativity, writing… DO IT. Come with me. My story is small, but it’s mine and I will make it a skeleton key for you as best I can.
Thanks for listening. I am grateful.
*****
If you are struggling specifically with women as pastors and preachers, please take a look at these references and feel free to talk to me about this. (FYI- I will not tolerate hate or belittling but I love discussing anything that brings freedom and a bigger sense of God).
Posted in Free Flying Faith, Uncategorized | Tagged: church, Dallas Willard, dreams, girl preacher, goals, NT Wright, pastor, preach, Rachel Held Evans, women in leadership | 4 Comments »
Posted by Nicole on December 27, 2013
Shhhh. No one tell resistance that I am at my keyboard.
Ever since people I admire started noticing my writing… Ever since people started cheering me on… Ever since I set a goal, RESISTANCE has gotten strong. Really strong.
I’m learning to be a writer so this is where my resistance meets me – here on this blog. Where does your resistance meet you? Where do you feel that invisible force push you aside, distract you, and basically keep you from doing that nagging but beautiful dream that lingers in the dusty corners of your brain?
It can feel a lot like fear, but disguised under whatever will most tempt you.
****
And RESISTANCE is endless.
When I swam on the team in high school, I would fantasize about having one of those ENDLESS POOLS – the pool with a constant current so you could basically swim in place for an hour. That sounded awesome!
That’s how it is with writing this month. But it’s not awesome. Not. Awesome.
Swimming in place feels pointless when you want to be landing on the shore of a new land.
The instant I set my mind on writing an ebook this month – my equivalent of swimming across the English Channel – the avalanche of family-needs and work-needs descended on my little life like a scene out of ALIVE. Forced to eat my words, I survived but it has not been pretty.
So, please, no one tell FEAR that I am here. These words may not be pretty, but these are inches I will crawl to gain some ground.
****
I’ve been writing and I have still made NO progress where it counts. I have not one inch to show for myself. I look up and see my friends, my mentors, zooming ahead. Once in a while they stand on a rock or grab onto a buoy and call out to me, “Come on! You can do it!”
“I’m coming! Please don’t give up on me.”
I put my head back down and write.
A few days later I look up and see I’ve moved no further.
What the &#^$?
How does anyone do this?
How do people plan 9th birthdays, class parties, Christmas eve services, and cold remedies… and still pursue their dreams?
… Actually, not just pursue their dreams but TAKE GROUND in the land of their dreams?
I realize now that my frustration comes from this stage I am in where pursuing dreams no longer cuts it. I want progress.
I am ready to take ground.
But first, I have to acknowledge that riding down stream feels really good, especially when you’ve been trying to swim against the current of resistance for a while (also what feels good is filling blog posts with random references so you feel clever while struggling).
Here’s how it works: You know there is something important you are supposed to be doing. It lingers in the back of your mind – like a blessing you know will someday be yours and like a monster you have no idea how to fight. This “something” is always with you, but it is heavy and awkward and not easily done. So, you do something else – something you do actually need to do too… something meaningful but easier. As long as it’s not THE SOMETHING, you will feel incredible release and fulfillment.
Planning your daughter’s birthday party.
Watching a movie with your husband.
Cleaning out your closet.
Designing a craft for the 3rd Grade Holiday party.
This is the goodness. This is family. This is life. – You’ll tell yourself. – And it all IS.
Of course it is. But it is also not THE SOMETHING and so it is a delicious rebellion.
****
Imagine working and straining to swim against a current; your muscles exhausted. Someone comes by with a big, bouncy raft to sit on and paddle downstream. It’s beautiful and takes just the right amount of effort to fill your day. You sleep soundly with visions of nature and goodness soothing your tired bones.
Moving with the current feels especially good when you’re tired.
Don’t be fooled.
The better it feels to avoid THE SOMETHING, the more likely it is that you should be doing it. Right now. Go do it.
That’s what I am doing… my SOMETHING.
Maybe all this swimming in place is a season of strength-training. I have been swimming and practicing and working these muscles, just not getting anywhere. Maybe December was just my Endless Pool month. Hopefully, now, I am ready to get out of the training pool and into the ocean.
****
Was 2013 the year of your Endless Pool? Do you have a goal you are ready to take ground on?
Do not give up. Resistance is endless but it is also mindless. Your hope and creativity and bravery can overcome even the strongest resistance. Together, let’s make 2014 the year we do our SOMETHING.
Do not give up.
Posted in Wonderful Wrestlings | Tagged: art, dreams, Endless Pools, fear, goal, Gunslinger, hopes, New Year, resistance, War of Art, writing | 1 Comment »
Posted by Nicole on September 11, 2013
When I was small
even smaller than this
all smiles, fine hair, and freckles.
I lived in a room with my little sis.
In that room was a window
looking out on an old maple tree bigger than God
whose leaves made me feel free enough to sing
at the top of my lungs.
But on the opposite side of my room hung a door
a wooden shutter, slatted and white
and that door haunted us every single night.
You remember those cracked closet doors,
that fear of childhood, right?
Well, mine was more evil than most
a shutter-door with one missing shingle
a pitch black rectangle of terror
waiting to host the glowing eyes of some child-eating monster
with a taste for freckles.
And with these thoughts, came FEAR.
Fear that freezes your bones
that makes your body turn to stone
on the inside but never enough on the outside.
Fear that takes today as ransom
for a kidnapped tomorrow that will never come home.
So after months of sleepless nights
I could not hide any longer.
I did the most courageous thing of my little life
I moved in with my monsters.
In a flurry of determination
I grabbed my pillows and blankets and books
a flashlight and my sister
and we moved into that dark closet.
Slept there every single night
and not ONE monster was ever brave enough to show His face.
This is when I learned:
Fear is a lion
that only backs down
when we stop acting like prey
and stand our ground.
But we do grow up
and the monsters
get darker and smarter
and the next thing we know
we are running much harder.
No longer daring to face down our fears but away
from the beasts who will swallow us whole
who make closets that scare our very souls.
Monsters: like betrayal, hair loss, loneliness, and grief
failure, sprained ankles, botched interviews, and spinach in our teeth
at just the worst times.
I am afraid of things changing.
I’m afraid they’ll stay the same.
of saying something stupid
of being the one to blame
of the pain that will come when I grow old
and the pain that will come if I don’t.
And so they chase and I run.
I survive but I have not won
the kind of life I’d hoped I’d earned
when I first faced my monsters.
And then I hear it
the sound of safety in my ears:
Fear is a lion
that only backs down
when we stop acting like prey
and stand our ground.
I hear a voice not my own say,
“You are not alone, child.
You never were.
Be still. Take heart.
Plant your feet on the ground.
At the sound of my voice know that you are free.
I am bigger than any tree.
Stand with me.”
And together we turn and face those beasts,
say, “Hello there monsters…
Either be my friend or eat me or get out of my way.
I have sunsets to see and a man to kiss
and I was made for so much more than this.
I’m taking back my tomorrows.
You don’t get my todays.
This is my one and only life.
I will not be anyone’s prey.
So, instead, I will stand my ground and say,
Hello there monsters. Let’s play.”
Watch a live performance:
[youtube id=”QxRi4PSHREI” width=”600″ height=”350″]
(God also wanted me to feel good about myself, this is an awesome frozen frame of me talking)
Tell fearful souls, “Courage! Take heart! God is here, right here, on his way to put things right And redress all wrongs. He’s on his way! He’ll save you!” Isaiah 35:4-10
Posted in How Can I Help, Poetry | Tagged: bravery, childhood, closet door, courage, dreams, fear, hopes, monsters, monsters inc, play, poem, Poetry, scared, shame, wishes | 1 Comment »
Posted by Nicole on July 22, 2013
Was this the face that launched 1,000 ships?
Oh, thou art fairer than the evening air
Clad in the beauty of a thousand stars;
Brighter art thou than flaming Jupiter
-Doctor Faustus
Are you worth fighting for?
HELEN OF TROY, the face that launched a thousand ships. She was so beautiful, so desired, so full of light that a legion of men fought to win her back. Her beauty started the Trojan War and since then hundred of artists, writers, and poets have created beautiful things in her honor.
HELEN OF TROY – Was beautiful and she was worth fighting for.
Women grow up wanting to be beautiful and worth pursuing. Our path into successful adulthood involves making ourselves accomplished and beautiful on the inside and out, so that a man will fight for us, pursue us, and invite us on a lifelong journey.
That is an incredibly simple synopsis. But it’s true for many of us: “Women, be beautiful and talented and a man will be attracted to you. He will find you and take care of you and bring you on his adventures.”
This story works for some people. It is a good story. But in a lifetime, we live many stories. This is one. We repeat this story because we do not know that there are more options.
There are other options.
Here’s a secret… We are strong. We are capable. Putting on boots and going out into the world does not reduce your chances of success, it improves them.
What if we fought for ourselves and started to pursue our own adventures? What if we dreamed and worked and grew in strength, not to impress someone else who will finally pick us, but to reach a personal and amazing dream all our own? What if we were willing to go to battle for ourselves?
We have instinctually learned that it is acceptable to rely on others to move forward in life – through movies, tv, princess stories…. all of it. Both relationally and professionally, we have learned to fix ourselves all up, get pretty and talented, and then wait to get picked. Like Jr. Highers at our first dance, we spend hours getting ready for that special night and then we just stand in the corner, playing with our shiny hair… and waiting to be asked to dance.
It’s a princess syndrome – a Helen of Troy inheritance… We forget that we have the ability to dance all on our own. (AND even better, we are no longer in Jr. High!) The dance floor is open! We just need to have the perspective and courage to walk on out and get down with our bad selves.
It’s time to tell another story.
“I realized that searching for a mentor has become the professional equivalent of waiting for Prince Charming. We all grew up on the fairy tale “Seeping Beauty,” which instructs young women that if they just wait for their prince to arrive, they will be kissed and whisked away on a white horse to live happily ever after. Now young women are told that if they can just find the right mentor, they will be pushed up the ladder and whisked away to the corner office to live happily ever after.
Once again, we are teaching women to be too dependent on others.”
― Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead
“It’s a cultural instinct to wait to get picked. To seek out the permission and authority that comes from a publisher or talk show host or even a blogger saying, “I pick you.” Once you reject that impulse and realize that no one is going to select you–that Prince Charming has chosen another house–then you can actually get to work… No one is going to pick you.
Pick yourself.” – Seth Godin
Pick yourself. Listen to your heart, listen deeper than the outspoken parts that want to be picked. There is more in you still. Quiet dreams. Protected dreams. Hopes and longings your heart has held tight. If it sounds crazy, if it requires action and believing in your own worth – you’ve found it!
What if you chose to be your own Helen of Troy?
What if rather than waiting for your worth and beauty to be authorized, certified, and notarized by someone else, you decided to choose yourself?
BE YOUR OWN HELEN OF TROY
If you really were as beautiful and talented as you always hoped someone else would think you were, what would you do for yourself? How far would you go and how hard would you fight for love – for yourself?
What are you waiting for? Stop waiting for someone else to notice your beauty and move a nation or ask you to dance. Be your own Helen of Troy. Choose yourself and your own adventures. Move nations and mountains and 1,000 ships for your own awesome self today.
-Nicole
Posted in Beauty SOS47 | Tagged: adventure, beauty, dreams, helen of troy | 7 Comments »
